A brother said to an old man, “I do not know of any warfare in my heart.” The old man said to him, “Then you are a building open on all four sides. Whatever wishes to, goes in and out, and you do not notice. If you had windows and a door, and shut them so as to bar certain thoughts, you would soon realize how many there are outside, waiting to slip in and attack you.”
Always say what you feel, and do what you think is good and right. If I knew that today would be the last time I’d see you, I would hug you tight and pray the Lord be the keeper of your soul. If I knew that this would be the last time you pass through this door, I’d embrace you, kiss you, and call you back for one more. If I knew that this would be the last time I would hear your voice, I’d take hold of each word to be able to hear it over and over again. If I knew this is the last time I see you, I’d tell you I love you, and would not just assume foolishly you know it already. navigate around why don't you
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sometimes...poetry.
quote
buzz

Days like today
When the strawberries have gone bad
There are no more paper towels
The brightness of the bathroom mirror reveals
The edgy lines
Beneath my eyes
Evidence that
You cannot love me

My brain buzzes like morning vodka
Like good prescription medication
Like the moment right before sex
There is something deadening
In the way you look past my
Good White Shell

If there were children to consider
If I hadn't painted the kitchen that color that you hate
If I weren't turning thirty
If we liked the same movies
If I had never gained weight
If you had never started losing your hair
If I didn't have an adventure addiction
If the cats hadn't ruined your favorite chair
If we took more vacations
Real vacations, not the kind where
Halfway through the trip one of us says
"We need to be spending more time with your mother while we're here."

If we had talked more about what defined Tolstoy's work
If the hockey season had been better
If San Francisco were less foggy
If I beat you at chess just once
If I wore my ring more often
If you didn't hate my bed linens
If neither of us ever left dishes in the sink
If I could stand cigarette smoke and hanging out in bars
If we had slowed down in the beginning
If you never had to put me to sleep on the bathroom floor
Wrapped up in the extra comforter from the guest room
Using the bathmat as a pillow
Still drunk in the morning when you came in to brush your teeth

If I weren't lazy
If you could feel like family
If I could make a home
If money never mattered
If we used the same brand of toothpaste
If you ate more slowly
If I watched less television
If you were more ambitious
If I could ease up
If we didn't have to share the car
If I remembered to put the lids back on jars
If we had never left our first apartment
The one with the green bathroom tile
And art deco fixtures
And a dog park just up the street

Days like today
When there is no cat food left
I spill coffee all over the front seat of the car
Looking at my own hands reveals
The blueness of aging veins
Making freeways along my fingers
Evidence that
I cannot be loved

My heart buzzes like evening gin
Like club drugs taken in a dirty bathroom
Like the hot part of a lap dance
There is something brutal
In the way you thoughtlessly disassemble my
Precarious tower

hillllllary. it will never be right.