Uganda Chapter 14: Out of Africa

Don't you dare roll your eyes! You totally knew that I would use that title at some point.

Firstly, some house cleaning. Should you want to pass my Africa revelations on to your friends, or bookmark them for your future reference so that you can read them over and over and over again (tears welling, no doubt, at the emotion they evoke), or whatnot, there is now an index. Here. Click here.

If you want a reference point for ALL the GAZILLION photos of Africa, you can click here.

And now, this is hard.

It's hard to write the Africa "wrap-up" entry, because in some ways, once I've transferred everything out of my written journal and into this online one, the trip ends a second time. The process of getting to transfer my journal and incorporate the photos, that was almost like reliving the trip and all of its amazing magical moments. And I'm finding that I'm having just as difficult a time with the "virtual" ending of my trip as I did with the actual, real-life ending of my trip. I cried and cried and cried on the plane ride from London to New York. I had a SUPER HARD bout of depression when I got home. Like, the type of depression that causes people who know me to seriously worry that we're on our way to someplace very bad. I know several people who have gone to Africa, and I'm told that the adjustment back, from the most soulful area of the world to probably the most soul-less area of the world (and, for certain, Las Vegas is the single most soul-les place on earth), is hard. I struggled. I'm still struggling in some moments. There are moments where I just can't help it. I imagine Africa, and I'm pained to be here. And I am not untraveled or inexperienced with adjusting back to normal life. After a long exploration-trip, I usually have some adjustment issues for about a week, but not the type of soul crushing, crying at night, listless type of loss I'm still trying to cope with a bit after Africa. I'm glad I took that trip when I did. It's the end of the year, and that means thinking about the changes you want to make in the next year, and I have a feeling that my next year, based largely on how this trip impacted me, will have bigger changes than any year previously.

I don't know though how to explain the difference in me. British Nick the Lawyer has referenced a couple of times in email that the trip probably changed me in ways I didn't think it would - and I keep wanting to tell him that he's right and explain how it did. But I can't find the words - and I'm good with words! That place is just closer to God in all ways. The people share their souls openly, the land is different, the sky is different, the energy that passes through it is different. Ashleigh - JenR, help me here. No, you two probably can't describe it either, because when you got back you were the same way. You could say that the feeling in Africa is different, but you couldn't explain how. I'm working on the words, but I think that Ashleigh said it best when she got back. She believes that anybody who's been to Africa carries a piece of Africa in their soul when they come back. And I would take it one step further. I would say that you carry a piece of Africa in your soul that is a little more vibrant than the rest of your soul, and you just want to find a way to make everything about you feel like that one part does.

This is probably making no sense, and it's making me cry to write it, so let's move on.

On the morning we leave, I am not in any way joking when I say that the animals come out to say goodbye to us. As we are driving out of Lake Mburo, herds of antelope, zebra, warthogs and even a group of black vervet monkeys run alongside the truck. And as we pull out, I look at Lisa and say, "This was a near perfect trip. It really was."

Uganda, Africa really, is a hard place. It is hard to see such a warm, loving population with so much less than you have in material ways so that everything is a struggle on basic levels, and it's hard to then have to face the fact that they have so much more than you do in spiritual ways, and that really gives them more. It is hard to think of the seemingly timeless tragedies that befall that continent: disease, natural disaster, the inability of a gentle population to truly defend themselves against aggressors like Idi Amin. It is hard to feel helpless there, knowing that even if you gave up everything you had and spent the rest of your life trying to improve the situation of Africa, you wouldn't even be able to scrape the surface. And, yes, Eric, to struggle with the idea that even if you did help, you'd be making them weaker and dependent. It is hard not to hate some of what British colonization meant to Africa, it is hard not to think that a little more British colonization wouldn't have been a good thing, too. It is hard to be around a people who will open up love to you within thirty seconds of meeting you and who smile more freely than any other people I have ever known and who honestly carry kindness in their hearts so evidently that it almost glows, and then to return to your home where everybody wears armor at all times.

Maybe, what I'm realizing, is the fact that it is so hard there yet so much more beautiful in every way than my life (and my life is pretty beautiful) is what changes you. It opens you up to the awareness that there is a whole different way of feeling something and that that amazing, open, kind, warm beautiful way of feeling can exist in the hardest of conditions. And I have hard work to do to strip away all of the beliefs I've had about how "hard things" are what break the beauty of a soul down and stop using it as an excuse for not exuding all of those things all of the time. And the idea of doing that, here, is scary. Maybe that's it. I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out.

This is getting way too depressing! Let's just record the annual end of trip survey and wrap this. I'll keep my crazy, post-Africa mind wanderings to myself. At least for a while.

Best Meal
Lisa: The very first meal we had at Par'aa. That was uniquely amazing.
Me: I love food. The best was definitely the roasted goat meat and cassava off the side of the road, but the avocado soup at Semiliki and the carrot salad at Mihingo were also amazing.



Best Shower (trust me, remember this note if you go to Uganda)
Lisa & Jocelyn: Semiliki



Best Room
Lisa: Semiliki
Jocelyn: Ndali


Semiliki

Ndali

Best Overall Food
Lisa & Jocelyn: Mihingo

Best View
Lisa: Mihingo
Jocelyn: Ndali and Semiliki


Mihingo

Ndali

Semiliki

Favorite Activities:
Lisa: Bwindi Gorilla Tracking, Semiliki Jungle Walk, Kibale Chimp Tracking
Jocelyn: Bwindi Gorilla Tracking, Murchison Falls Game Drive





Worst Meal
Lisa & Jocelyn: Hotel Africana before we left Kampala

Worst Shower
Lisa: Hotel Africana
Jocelyn: Mwea. Yuck. My water was yellow.

Worst Room
Lisa: Mwea (two nights and they still couldn't fix a door lock)
Jocelyn: Pa'raa (bats! walls so thin I could hear Lisa pee!)

Favorite Bird:
Lisa: Malachite Bee Eater
Jocelyn: African Fisher Eagle


Malachite Bee Eater

Most Moving Site
Lisa: Baby Zebra Birth
Jocelyn: The family moment with the gorillas



Favorite Person You Met
Lisa: James
Jocelyn: James & Julius, though Aubrey was the most "entertaining"



Favorite Trip Quotes!
"There is no hurry in Uganda."
"The fire starts here. When they are German tourists, the fire starts here."
"I HAVE NO TRAVEL INSURANCE."
"Uganda. I really had no idea."
"I am THE Andrew."
"But, it's paid for already..."
"Those who are late for lunch, eat bones."
"Are YOU ready for CHOGM?"

Favorite James Memorty
Lisa: The entire conversation about how I needed to have babies
Jocelyn: The moment where he explained that he loved Halle Berry movies



Lisa's Favorite Jocelyn Memories
Funny: Begrudgingly admitting that I was right about the Shoebill being amazing
Moving: The moment when she cried at the gorillas



Jocelyn's Favorite Lisa Memories
Funny: The passion with which she would bargain over the equivalent of seventy US cents
Moving: How proud I was of her when, sick as she was, she finished and tore through that ridiculously hard six hour jungle hike in Bwindi



Favorite Souvenir
Lisa: Ebony carved mask!
Jocelyn: It's actually a photo, the one that's my Angelina shot!



Thing You Will Miss the LEAST About Africa
Lisa: traffic, diesel, roads
Jocelyn: roads and the complete absence of any sense of time.

Thing You Will Miss the MOST About Africa
Lisa: avocados (seriously), the food, the ability to live so much outdoors
Jocelyn: the warmth of the people and the closeness of nature and God

Yes, it's true. I am counting the days until Mongolia. Everybody has an addiction. The aliveness of traveling and exploring is mine.






sigh.

 

Uganda Chapter 13: "I couldn't sleep because large wild animals were grazing outsidel"

We're actually going to wrap the last two days into just one entry. To see complete sets of pictures from our days at Lake Mburo and Mihingo, click here and here!

Day 12: Leaving the rain forest and into the rain.
As I think many of us know, while I will go to the rain forest to see things that only exist in a rain forest (like Machu Picchu or, say, gorillas), I hate the rain forest. I do not like going to bed damp and waking up damp and having everything around me be damp at all times. I do not like when my hair gets frizzy and my skin breaks out. I do not like the slightly "off" feeling my digestive tract gets when in rain forests. In general, I do not enjoy the rain forest. And so while I was sad to be leaving behind a place that had given me such an amazing spiritual experience, I was not sad. To be leaving. The rain forest.

I just wanted to feel dry again. The Land Cruiser and the weather had other ideas, unfortunately.

Let me begin by saying that I had my traditional rain forest headache by the time we left. This was augmented by a slight hangover from a WINE GLASS FULL OF CAPTAIN MORGAN that I had drunk the night before (to get warm, it was the rain forest). The first two hours of the trip are on roads that even James describes as the worst roads we've been on the entire trip. I put my iPod on and try to close my eyes, but by the time we hit the "good" roads, my head feels like a soft cheese with hard iron spikes in it.

And then the Land Cruiser begins to make bad, bad noises.

We stop at a "service station," and they "fix" the problem. We drive less than half a mile, and the sound suddenly becomes worse. We stop at another service station where they determine that the alternator is bad. Lisa and I have a TWO HOUR lunch. That's an hour and a half more than we needed for lunch, and we're so bored that Lisa starts soliciting school children to come and practice English with her. But the alternator gets "fixed."

We hit the road again. Guess what? The Land Cruiser gives out again an hour later. This time, though, it's pouring down buckets of rain. James decides to fix it himself, the poor thing. In the rain. So by the time he gets done fixing the alternator, he is soaked to the bone and we still have to drive for a couple of hours. He's a super star.

We finally make it to Lake Mburo, and, even though he is wet and uncomfortable, James puts the top up on the truck and takes us for a game drive, which is killer because Lake Mburo has not only huge herds of antelope but also huge herds of ZEBRA! It's lovely.




Also lovely is Mihingo Tented Camp. It's luxury tents with a beautiful central open lodge. And it overlooks Lake Mburo National Park AND a watering hole right in the middle of the park, so from your tent veranda or the lodge you can watch herds come to water. It's really quite amazing, and, as I nod off to sleep, I am only distracted by a bug THE SIZE OF MY HAND trying to get through my mosquito netting.



Day 13: Africa gives us a gift
In the morning, Lisa gets up and takes a nature walk. I decide that it's time for me to start getting my head ready to return to real life, so I sleep until 8:00am. Then I spend the entire rest of the first half of the day lounging by the pool, drinking passionfruit juice cocktails, reading Chabon's Summerland and looking out at the watering herds. It's okay to be jealous, people, I would be too.



At 2:30pm, we leave to go on a boat ride on Lake Mburo. Our guide is a super star guide and a local celebrity and likes to refer to himself as "The Andrew." He's no Julius, but we do love him so. We see hippos, crocs, kingfishers and lots and lots of African Fisher Eagles. At one moment, a pair of African Fisher Eagles (they mate for life) takes flight right in front of us, swoops towards the water and majestically catches fish. Actually, that's not true. Only the female eagle catches a fish. The male eagle is visibly embarrassed that she caught and he didn't, and she visibly lords it over him. And yes, but this point in the trip with this much time with animals, I really do think we can read them to that point of subtlety.

After our boat ride, we are on our very last game drive -- possibly ever because you never know what the future holds. And we are sad. We are very, very, very sad. This place has been magic, and we're on the last moments. The next day truly begins our journey home.

While we were in Lake Mburo, there were lots and lots of baby animals. It was a time of year, rainy season, where grass is plentiful. And the mama animals are smart. They know that if they get pregnant to have their babies during the plentiful season, their babies will have a better chance of surviving. As we are driving, James spots a baby zebra and points it out to us. Then he takes a closer look. "That one has just been born," he says.

We drive very, very close. And by "just born" what he means is "hasn't even taken its first steps yet." The mother is still licking the newly born colt clean, and if you look closely in the pictures you can even see that the afterbirth is still hanging from her. Also, the mother can't run because the baby can't walk yet, so she has to let us get very close, though we stay a fair distance to keep from scaring them too much.

You, like me, have probably seen a dozen films of wild animals being born on the Discovery channel. And I don't want to ruin that experience for you, but it is nowhere near as miraculous as seeing it happen in the wild itself. The baby zebra stands up for the first time, and it's completely confused by its legs. And its knees buckle and wobble. And then it tries to walk and stumbles. And we watch for fifteen minutes while it learns how to use its legs. All this while, the mama zebra stares us down with a look (captured in one of the photos below) that clearly says "Don't come even one inch closer to my baby." There are two other zebras standing watch nearby. And all three animals and all three humans are enraptured by this tiny, new zebra learning to walk. And within fifteen minutes he gets it figured out and the mama noses at him to move along away from the humans.





It was really an amazing miracle to watch. James has been doing game drives in Uganda for ten years AND he grew up in a rural village where there was wildlife everywhere, and he'd never seen a newborn zebra getting up for the first time before. I have to think that the number of people living on earth who have seen a moment like that can be counted in the low three digits, if that. It really was as though Uganda was saying, "Thanks for loving our land so much. Let me show you how beautiful it can really be." There are three moments on this trip that I will never forget as long as I live. The tree lions, the gorillas, and the picture of that baby zebra as it tried to take its first steps. I just teared up even remembering it. Nature is the most beautiful thing ever created by God, Goddess or Universe.

That night we have a wonderful tillapia dinner and an inspiring conversation with Richard, an older, retired former CPA who now travels the world bird watching and sight seeing. He has been amazing places - including my dream of Antarctica. And then we are off to sleep in tents under the African sky for what I can only pray will not be the last time in my life. That night, I am visited outside of my tent by an angry monkey, two grazing warthogs and two loud, huge grazing water buffalo. I barely sleep with all of their noise, and I'm thankful for that. I want to be awake through one last African night. I can sleep on the plane. I am now in my last moments of feeling the way the air in Africa feels when it comes through a tent flap, or hearing the night sounds of wild animals, or having the gentle night protection of mosquito netting.

Tomorrow, we travel home and it is...

We're actually going to wrap the last two days into just one entry. To see complete sets of pictures from our days at Lake Mburo and Mihingo, click here and here!

 

Uganda Chapter 12: In the Jungle, It Is Hot

To see a complete set of pictures from this day, click here.

Evening
It is the night before our gorilla tracking adventure, and we are at Kintara tented camp in Bwindi. It's the most tent-like tented camp we stay in, perched high up in the base of the mountains near the Impenetrable Forest where the gorilla roam. My tent, in particular, is about as high up in the camp as you can go and gives an amazing view of the surrounding jungle. And now, as the sun goes down, it gets even damper and colder, but I don't care because I'm sitting outside on my tent veranda watching thunder and lightening roll through the jungle across the way and smelling chicken being roasted for dinner. And the next day we will trek into the dense jungle and track gorilla.

Perfect.

Thank you, God.



Morning
In case you were wondering, by the way, the crack of dawn in Africa is no more appealing than the crack of dawn anywhere else. But we are up with the sun again - and it's gorilla tracking day.

We are tracking the "H" group of gorillas. The two other groups of trackable gorillas are "R" and "M." Yesterday, the "H" group trackers ended up having to do a six hour jungle trek and then, though they said that it was magical, the only gorilla who came out of hiding was the silverback.

Yes, we have heard both types of experiences. We have heard that seeing the gorillas in the wild is a magical experience -- we met a man in Murchison who had traveled to over 60 countries and said that the gorilla experience was the single most amazing thing he'd ever done. But animal tracking is animal tracking, and the animals don't always participate like you'd hoped you would.

Lisa is really not feeling well by this time in the trip. She tries to switch to the "R" or "M" group who had shorter hike times the day before, but the rangers are having none of it. So, in our group are Lisa and me, five Belgians and Nicole - an American from Menlo Park who is traveling alone and who becomes our new best friend in our fight against the Belgians.



The "H" group of gorillas has moved so far away that we actually have to get in the vehicles and drive forty minutes to a different entrance point to the jungle that's closer to the last place where the gorillas were seen. And then...we begin the trek from hell. Actually, it's not from hell. It's just HARD. But it's hard in the way that a good run is hard or a super great challenge is hard. And it's in the freakin' jungle, which is amazing just to be in. I will tell you now that we do end up doing SIX hours of trekking -- three hours in and three hours out. There is a lone older Belgian man, who is not our enemy, in his sixties who kindly hikes in the middle of the pack. Then there are the BELGIANS. They are HYPER COMPETITIVE and want to be in front at ALL TIMES. Literally, at one point, I'm hiking in front of one of the Belgian women. And I'm hiking at exactly the same pace that everybody else is. And for no reason at all she elbows her way in front of me. I'm sure it's very hard to live your life as a Belgian - everybody confusing you for German or Swiss - so I just roll my eyes and let it go. Nothing will ruin my jungle challenge day. And also, to be honest, the fact that the Belgians wanted to hike up front meant that the "trail" was already flattened out by the time I got to it. This is important because there isn't a "trail." Our guide has a machete, and he's cutting a path through the jungle for us as we go along. So by "trail" I just mean the spot behind where the last person walked.

I also (as did everybody) hired a porter for the day. I really didn't need a porter (I've hiked further in just as difficult conditions with much more on my back). Actually, I didn't even want a porter, but then it was pointed out to me that the porters were really counting on the $10USD we'd tip them at the end of the day in order to feed their families for the week, so I got one. I actually missed having my pack on my back...My balance was actually thrown off! But the porter was nice, and fun, and made sure I never fell into the mud, because I am naturally clumsy and prone to fall into the mud.

Anyway, the trek was monstrously hard. Up and down super steep hills - as in literally there were moments when I was parallel while being upright. Super, super, super slippery mud. Huge bugs. Briars, ants, trees snapping into your face. HARD HIKING.

But it was worth it.

I could not have scripted a better gorilla experience.

When we finally came upon the gorillas, there are eight of them and they are literally feeling lazy and calm and sunning themselves in an open meadow in the middle of the jungle. They seem to not mind our being there at all. Included in the eight are a Silverback, who is 100% visible and not more than ten yards away from us. There are also two big mamas with tiny, tiny, tiny babies dangling on them.

And here is where you hate me because I can't really write about the experience of seeing the gorillas. I could write about what it's like to sit quietly just a handful of feet away (because the gorillas were in exceptionally good moods and came very close) from a gorilla while it examines you, but it would never, ever do the experience justice. I will tell you that gorillas definitely think and certainly communicate. And I will also tell you that, at one moment, one of the big mamas with a tiny baby went up to a Silverback. The baby then climbed onto his mama's back and did a little performance for his dad while the Silverback watched. And there was zero doubt that this was a family moment with two parents cooing over their cute baby. And it was singularly beautiful. And I actually sat down on the jungle floor and tears fell from my eyes.






Don't tell me animals don't have souls. I won't ever believe you. Especially now.

I will, however, give you some advice in case you ever want to go gorilla tracking.

1. If gorilla tracking is not on your list of things you want to do before you are fifty, it should be.

2. Before fifty is important: the sixty year old man on our trek was awesome, and I want to be like him when I grow up. But if you're an average senior citizen, you're not going to be able to handle the hard trek required to get to the gorillas (and that's even on the short treks).

3. Hire a porter even if you don't think you'll need one.

4. Prepare like it's a six hour, hard jungle trek. If it's not (on our day, we got back to camp at 4:30pm. Group "R" was done by 10am and group "H" was done by noon), you're ahead of the game.

5. Don't be the jackass who makes the porters carry you all the way there and back. That actually happened in group R. If you can't at least make half the hike, you have no business being there.

6. Pack extra cliff bars.

7. Remember the zoom lens.

8. Reserve very early so that you can stay at Gorilla Forest Camp.

9. Learn to love dirt, mud, sweat and insect bites. Oh! And cuts from thorns.

But go! Find a way and go! It's indescribable, as evidenced by the totally crappy way in which I described it.

Not indescribable, however, is the next day when we ...

To see a complete set of pictures from this day, click here.

 

Uganda Chapter 11: The Road to Bwindi

To see a complete collection of pictures from this day, click here.

Remember how in Peru there was that day where we just "couldn't take any more of that trip" and then there was a magical dune buggy ride that turned everything around?

Remember how in China there was a moment near the end where I just wanted to go home and then there was a magical boat ride that turned everything around?

This was "that day" on this trip.

Mwea had been uninspiring and there had been all kinds of problems with door locks and the worst bathrooms we'd dealt with and Lisa wasn't feeling well and on and on and on. And then we got in the car and I KNEW that the entire day was devoted to driving with one little diversion through a national park where there were often sightings of tree lions. But the roads had reached their maximum friction point with me. I really couldn't take them any more. My cell phone, which by the end of the day would be entirely dead, was on the fritz and barely working. We'd driven so much that I'd listened to every one of the 500 songs on my iPod so many times that I didn't even want to bother. And if I had to eat another pineapple, banana or passion fruit I really might just cry. The prospect of a long day bouncing up and down in the car with no working cell phone, an iPod full of songs I was tired of, a lunch that SURELY included mostly fruit and an eventual arrival in the rain forest (and as many of you know, I may love things you can do in a rain forest, but I HATE the rain forest), well, suffice it to say I was ready to be done with Africa.

And the first half of the day held true to form. I literally had to grit my teeth in the truck when I was bouncing, with regularity, three and four inches off the seat. It was hot. The drive was long. At one point, we actually encounter a stretch of road that has become such a mud pit that trucks have just given up and are camped there to spend the night until it dries out the next day. The Land Cruiser pretty much goes horizontal while we cross this. I am done with the adventure of Africa's roads, though James seems delighted by the fun of it all. I slouch down in my seat and put my headphones on. I am in that space.



And then, no joke, this becomes my single favorite day of the trip (except for gorilla day which cannot be compared to in any way). We pull into this park where there are often sightings of tree sleeping lions. And James puts the top up on the truck. And within minutes, we have found a tree full of sleeping lions AND they have fed only a day ago, so they are lazy and peaceful and want only to sleep in the tree. And we do nothing for the next forty-five minutes but sit on the top of the truck in the warm afternoon sun with smiles on our faces watching the lions pretty much do the same thing that we are but in the tree.

We even get to see a male lion! Male lions are much more rare and it's the only one we see all trip.

And one of the lions actually climbs the tree while we're sitting there.

And they yawn, and stretch, and adjust and enjoy the calm and warmth of the afternoon sun just as much as we do.

And then we actually spend the next half hour sitting IN the truck, eating our lunch and still just watching them.

It's the most peaceful feeling in the world. You're there. The lions are there. Everybody wants to just relax and enjoy the sun. It's my favorite individual moment (not including gorillas). I feel as warm and full of sun inside as it is outside. Everybody is happy, and even the banana and passion fruit in my lunch taste delicious and exotic.

I think that, in truth, it's the moment in the trip that reminds me the most what it means to feel thankful.





I don't even mind the (even worse) roads from Ishasha (where we saw the lions) to Bwindi. And though it is wet in Bwindi, I become enamored with my tent and the crazy little seventies bar in the tent lodge area. And I am almost grateful that the rough driving all day made me tired because I will need a full night of sleep, since the next day...

To see a complete collection of pictures from this day, click here.

 

Uganda Chapter Ten: Lions, Elephants, Birds...and This was the LAME Day!

To see a complete set of pictures from this day, click here.

This entry is mostly pictures since, well, this was the lamest day of the trip. By lamest, I mean we still saw a pride of lion, a family of elephant, a ton of birds, at good foot and saw hippos mating (though, unfortunately, no pictures of that). But you know how every trip has a day where you're just like, "This is less spectacular than what we've been seeing? That was this day.

We start the day ... wait for it ... early with a game drive. The sunrise over the lake, by the way, is amazing and a true gift.



The game, however, seems to be not in the mood to entertain. We do more driving than spotting, and though I love driving in the game truck, we're reaching the part of the trip where all the bumps are starting to get to me. We do, however, find an entire pride of lion (lions?) and watch them for a solid 20 minutes.



And then we see a family of elephant (elephants?) WITH a baby, and that is awesome (in the C-Woo and Pookie definition of the word) as well.



Then we have lunch. My best story of the day is about food, which tells you about the day. At Semiliki, we'd been told that Mwea had the best pizza in Uganda. That of course was followed up by my saying, "But why would I eat pizza in Uganda?" Then we get to Mwea.

Let me tell you what I'm at my limit on by the time we get to Mwea: bananas, passionfruit and pineapple. I want pizza. I order pizza.

Did you know that in Uganda there are over a dozen different varieties of banana and everybody there can name them all and tell you the differences?

Did you know that banana goes on pizza in Uganda?

Did you know that banana and asparagus on top of a pizza is the most delicious thing ever created? Especially when had with a delightful beer.



And then in the afternoon we went on a boat ride where Lisa fell asleep because we really needed a recovery day and I saw hippos mating.



And also, Mwea had two warthogs:



A stork:



And lost of black headed weaver birds who scavenged your food even while you were eating it.



The good news? The next three entries are the BEST DAYS OF THE TRIP, where we ...

To see a complete set of pictures from this day, click here.

 

Uganda Chapter 9: More Mud, More Mud and More Mud

To see a complete set of pictures from this day, click here.

Not only are we up early on this day, we're literally up before the sun has even STARTED to rise, stumbling to the main lodge from our tents with flashlights. We eat some quick breakfast. For me, because I am all about the special request breakfast, I skip the fruit and eggs and have the left over avocado soup from the night before BECAUSE IT WAS THAT GOOD. And then we are off for another round of chimp tracking.

Firstly, here is what you should know in case you are planning your own African safari. The reason that you go for so long and that you schedule so many game siting activities is because sometimes you will not see animals. Sometimes, the animals will not realize that they are there to entertain you. But that doesn't mean that you won't have an amazing time nonetheless.

So, this particular chimp tracking that we're about to go on is about a thirty minute drive away. It is, of course, a thirty-minute drive on a one-lane dirt road, because one-lane dirt roads are seemingly all that exist in Africa.

I may have neglected to mention that it had rained violently the evening before.

The road is, to say the least, torn up.

But we are in a four wheel drive LAND CRUISER for goodness sake. We figure we'll be fine.

We are not fine.

Fifteen minutes away from the research station where we will start our chimp track, the Land Cruiser simply will go no further. The wheels spin but refuse to propel us further. The roads are more like a foot of soft mud than a road, and nothing is moving. James calls the lodge, and they dispatch their...

Specially equipped Land ROVER.

Now we are talking, people.


The truck, completely stuck.

The Land Rover arrives promptly with a new driver for Lis and I so that James can stay and dig the Land Cruiser out of the mud. The only real good news so far? My boyfriend Julius comes along with the Land Rover.

Anyway, the new driver, Lisa and myself head to the ranger station where we pick up the two rangers who will guide us through the VERY MUDDY BECAUSE IT JUST RAINED jungle. In Uganda, wilderness rangers carry rifles with them, presumably to protect us from either a rabid jungle elephant or a stray rebel from Congo. You decide.


Justice talks about his rifle as we head out into the Jungle. I look rough in the morning.

This track is mostly a miss. We see some glimpses of chimps, but nothing like our first chimp track. We do see a lot of calibus monkeys, which makes us extremely happy since we love those. However, at the end of the trip, Lisa and I agree that that was our favorite hike (Bwindi excepted, but that can't be compared to anything). It was muddy, there were obstacles to maneuver like mud traps and river crossings. The greenery was dense. It was hot and humid. We got sweaty and had to work, and we had a fun time playing around with Justice (our guide) and the other two trackers.


There was a lot of this type of hiking on this jaunt.

After our hike, we shower in the wonderful full water pressure of Semiliki and then we hit the road. the rest of the day is spent in a seemingly endless drive to Mwea. We stop briefly for lunch, which is really more of a stop because James wants to get the vehicle washed. Washing the vehicle is fine with us, because it means that our boots will get cleaned along with the vehicle. But what's funny is that James wants to get the vehicle washed because we're going to be driving on the ONE GOOD PAVED ROAD IN ALL OF UGANDA that day, and he would be embarrassed to drive on that road in a dirty truck. I didn't just make that up.

This paved road is such a big deal that whenever anybody asked us where we were going from Semiliki and we'd say Mwea, they'd actually say, "Oh, you'll be on the best road in Uganda!" But honestly, I have to tell you that it was almost more frustrating to drive on the "good" road, because paved also meant that there were HUGE speed bumps constantly whenever you got near a village, so you'd be driving and then for five miles you'd be constantly stopping. It wasn't all that much better. The West Wing wasn't lying: Africa needs roads. Rwanda is the poorest nation in the WORLD and they supposedly have better roads than Uganda.

Mwea is fine. It's like being in the Dirty Dancing bungalows but in Africa. It ends up being our least favorite place of the whole trip, but that's kind of an unfair distinction because it's really, really nice. They had two pet wart hogs there!

Two pet wart hogs whose bleating kept me up all night, which is unfortunate since the next morning we ...

To see a complete set of pictures from this day, click here.

 

Uganda Chapter 8: Meet the Shoebill

To see a complete set of photos from this day, click here. To see a complete set of photos of Semiliki, click here.

Even though I am incredibly sad to leave Ndali behind, it's another crack of dawn departure, this time to head to Semiliki for a boat ride to spot the famous African Shoebill bird.

Now, let me begin by saying that there are differences in the way that Lisa and I travel. Lisa likes to travel to learn: at the end of the trip, she will be able to tell you all about the country and its history, all of its languages and, in this case, a cataloging of all of its wildlife. I travel to experience. I will be able to tell you FAR fewer facts about any given place that we visit, but I will be able to describe to you in great detail the sensory experience of driving down a dirt road in Uganda.

There are values in both types of experiences. Lisa and I have traveled enough that we are aware of the difference and generally allow both styles to co-exist. However, the day before, I had found myself in the middle of the Ndali vanilla farm. The place is one of the most stunningly lovely places ever on the earth, and we were there in the bright sun of the afternoon, and everything smelled like vanilla, and all I wanted to do was to wander around through the vanilla plants and feel the moment. And suddenly I realize that I am trapped with Lisa and the guide as they passionately discuss how many millimeters in length a perfect vanilla pod grows to.

My head nearly implodes.

Fortunately, they are engrossed in their conversation and barely notice as I turn and leave to meander around the vanilla.

Which brings us to Wednesday morning, when our activity is to ride around in a boat for several hours looking for some rare breed of bird. Needless to say, I am skeptical of the awesomeness of the rare African Shoebill bird, which, by the way, can only be seen in Uganda.

Our boat guide is Julius, and I super heart him. His smile is completely infectious and when the time comes (soon, I hope) for me to leave my normal life and chase after a poor Ugandan man, it will be Julius.



Lisa and Julius are into the bird spotting. I am into sunning myself on the boat. Occasionally, one of them will say to me, "Look! It's a long-necked, blue-feathered, flat-billed, Ugandan stork!!!!" And I will look up , smile, say "Yes, yes, it is," and return to sunning myself.



I am, as I said, skeptical of the awesomeness of the African Shoebill.

Until, that is, the moment that we actually spot the African Shoebill.

We are approaching the Shoebill, and Lisa and Julius are all raging through the binoculars, and I'm ignoring them and enjoying the sun. And they're getting more and more excited. And so, finally, somewhat reluctantly, I say, "Oh, can I see the binoculars for a minute. I just figure if I've come all the way out here, I should at least see the bird. I guess."

Shoebills are a prehistoric bird, literally. I knew that they were a prehistoric bird because Lisa had informed me that they were a prehistoric bird. I did not expect that seeing the Shoebill would feel so prehistoric. First off, the African Shoebill looks like it just came out of Jurassic Park. Secondly, it is big. Like dinosaur-bird big. Lastly, its whole presence involves just standing there, perfectly still, staring you down and basically saying to you, "Me and my kind have been here forever, and you and your kind are just getting started. Keep your distance."



I have to confess it: Lisa wins and the viewing of the African Shoebill was amazing, awesome, and all of the things that she claimed it would be.

After the Shoebill experience, we head to Semiliki Lodge, which is actually a tent lodge and which is also where we are staying for the night. Ndali has my heart, but if there were only one place you could go in Uganda, I would say to go to Semiliki. The tents are beyond lovely, the water pressure is the best we had all trip long, there is electricity in the evening and the early morning, and each tent has a veranda that actually overlooks the jungle preserve next to the lodge. Oh, and the food is amazing as well. For dinner that night (which is served in an entirely open environment by candlelight), there is chilled avocado soup, rice and eggplant and some kind of passionfruit tart. The whole idea of Semiliki is that you're outside even when you're inside. It's perfect. Not perfect like Ndali is perfect, but perfect in a different kind of way.



Anyway, after the Shoebill experience, we basically have the rest of the day off. I do two hours of yoga on the veranda of my tent, and a monkey actually comes out and sits on a tree fifty feet away from me to keep me company. It's a perfect rest, which is good, because the next day we have to ...

To see a complete set of photos from this day, click here. To see a complete set of photos of Semiliki, click here.

 

Uganda Chapter 7: I AM a Female Hot Springs (and Ndali)

To see a complete set of pictures from this day, click here. To see a complete set of a million photos of Ndali Lodge, click here.

Once again, we are moving at the crack of dawn, this time to drive three hours to hike through some jungle and and see some hot springs. Lisa and I are kind of "eh" about the hot springs, but the day before we were doing some on-the-spot changes to the itinerary and Lis and I suggested that maybe we skip the hot springs. In our heads, we were going to drive to the "attraction," get out of the car and then see the hot springs, take a picture with the hot springs, and move on to lunch. James, however, insists that we were not to miss the hot springs. And he was, of course, right.

You do not, in any way, just drive up to the hot springs. You hike through a bunch of jungle for an hour to get to the hot springs. And on the way to the hot springs, you see leaping monkeys, huge ant farms, massive trees, ridiculous crazy amounts of mud and dozens of beautiful birds and butterflies. And THEN you see the hot springs. There are two hot springs, actually. A male one (the larger one, which irked me to no end) and the female one (which oddly enough, actually ejaculates). And you get to hear fabulous stories about how they used to sacrifice children at those hot springs, which I refuse to believe is true even though it probably is. And then you take an amazing hike back.




Did I mention the mud? It's rainy season in Uganda. The mud is, like, mid-calf deep. I'm finding that for some reason every single guide we have in Uganda seems to think I'm allergic to mud or something, when the truth as everybody else knows it is that I really like to get dirty. I've finally had enough of my guide making me daintily cross these big expanses of mud by skipping from rock to rock, and so when we get to one that looks really good, I just finally look at Nicholas (our guide to the hot springs) and say, "I really just want to walk in the mud. Is that okay?" And suddenly the day is much better for me.

Also, on this particular day, for some reason, Lisa begins to channel Ho Lin and there are suddenly a dozen pictures of people walking from behind. I enjoy those photos, but I find it funny that Lisa has become the Ho of the trip. There were entire days where I didn't take my camera out at all.

And the hike would have been amazingly beautiful anyway all on its own, but we have a great guide in Nicholas who makes it even better. He tells us stories about himself and his wife and how they want two children and they definitely want girls because boys are too expensive. Or my favorite story about how they had to build a wooden bridge in the middle of the hot springs because the dumb white tourists weren't coordinated enough to walk on logs. True story.

And he gives us the quote of the trip. "There is no hurry in Uganda."

I super heart Nicholas.



From there, we stop by a pygmy tribe to buy some souvenirs. And then we head back to Ndali because Lisa wants to tour the farm. Oh, right, there's an organic farm at Ndali, too. They grow vanilla. I mean, they grow other things, too, but the fascinating part is the vanilla. Let me just say, harvesting vanilla is a PROCESS. I understand now why it's so expensive.



And then we spend the rest of the day chilling out at Ndali. And now would be a good time to talk about Ndali. On your next trip to Uganda, we recommend it. If you like little sweat drops of God landed on Earth, you'll like Ndali.

Firstly, location. There used to be active volcanoes in the area. The Ndali lodge is located on a natural land bridge between two huge crater lakes from the volcano days. So the view in every direction from every spot it magical.




Secondly, ambiance. Every room is a tiny little guest cottage tucked away and very private from the other cottages. And there is no electricity. So at night when the staff comes to turn down your bed and your mosquito netting, they also light the room up with candles and kerosene lamps. I took a lot of candlelight baths with the window open and the stars in the sky. Because I'm like that.

Thirdly, food. The lodge is on the top of the hill, and the organic farm is down near the lake. So the food, in addition to being amazing, is incredibly fresh.

Lastly, the people. Ndali is a people place, which I would have enjoyed more if I hadn't had to be in hyper social mode at the last couple of stops. The lodge holds, I think, maybe fourteen guests total? Maybe twelve? So you get to meet everybody at dinner every night (unless you are some snotty French people who want to eat on your own and ignore the rest of us and I'm going to refrain from generalizing that statement to be about the French in general, even though I don't like the French anymore than the French like me. Except for when they say my name, because they're the only people who can say it correctly.). The first night we eat with a group of Americans who are fun and loud and, well, American. The second and third night we eat with a gay British couple (because it doesn't matter where you put me, the gay white men will find me) and an older Scottish couple who confuse me.

And then there's George, the houseman. His sweetness and service level are kind of legendary among travelers in Uganda (the British couple had actually heard about George before they even got to Ndali). He's this sweet, quiet, old man in a suit, and though Lisa and I joked that his job was pretty much to sit under a tree and watch the workers who were cleaning the pool, he actually made the stay perfect. And when I said I wanted fried dessert bananas for breakfast, there were friend dessert bananas for breakfast for me the next day. And finally, there's Aubrey, who owns the lodge. If you like me once I've had a drink or two in me, you'll like Aubrey, period. That experience is pretty much interchangeable.

I never wanted to leave Ndali. But we have to, because the next day is Shoebill day...

To see a complete set of pictures from this day, click here. To see a complete set of a million photos of Ndali Lodge, click here.

 

Uganda Chapter 6: Chimps!

To see a complete set of pictures from this day, click here.

I'm really not sure that you can even call it vacation if every single day begins before 7am, but I'm learning to live with it. Today we're up at the crack of dawn because we're going chimp tracking.

Chimp tracking rules.

Firstly, we have an awesome group. It's Lis and I, two Brits (though, you know, I vacillate on my feelings about Brits. Joking. That was just a momentary breakdown in Heathrow. I love the Brits.), a tour guide from Zimbabwe named Andy and our tracking guide who's name is Jarrod. Jarrod is a GREAT tracker. He's the kind of tracker who's always first to the chimps and then everybody else just tracks Jarrod.

About half an hour in, we find a chimp group that actually includes two of the three alpha males in the pack. Let me tell you this, don't let anybody tell you that you can be in anything less than great shape if you want to chimp track. Chimps move. They move FAST. And generally speaking they don't want to hang out where you are all that long before they move. So basically you are speed walking or light jogging through a jungle (not on trails, mind you, so crap is hitting you in the face the whole time) to keep up with the chimps. But it's worth it.

Chimps in the wild are amazing. Firstly, yes, in zoos you can watch chimps climb trees and jump from branch to branch. But you can't see them climb trees that are 180 feet tall. That's a million times more spectacular than anything you can see in Disney's Wild Kingdom.

Secondly, chimps in the wild are just, well, bigger and more vibrant than zoo chimps.



But the most amazing thing that chimps in the wild do that they'd really have no reason to do in zoos is ... talk. Sure, you obviously see chimps doing call and response in a zoo, but in the wild, over distances of kilometers and miles, it's amazing to see the true communication going on. The chimps will vocalize to tell the other chimp groups where in the jungle they are and what they're doing. It will be perfectly quite, some chimps will be grooming each other, and suddenly they'll hear another group make a vocalization and they'll EXPLODE into talking. And they're literally saying "We're over here, and we're grooming." It's unbelievable to see them in a natural environment. You can't help coming out thinking that more habitat preservation and less zoos would be a fantastic thing.

It's hard to take pictures of the chimps since you can't use a flash, but we do get a few. The pictures don't really matter though. I only wish I could describe the experience better.

To see a complete set of pictures from this day, click here.

 

Uganda Chapter 5: Adventures in Driving

To see a complete set of photos from this day, click here.

Day four in Uganda is one of those days where we're going to be driving. All day. ALL day. We're going all of the way to Port Portal, where we're spending three days at N'Dali, which I will later explain to you is essentially the same as temporarily being given the keys to heaven. By the end of the trip, I no longer adore driving days, but at the beginning of the trip I'm still appreciating that driving days mean adventures. On this particular driving day, there are two adventures and four stories!



Meet Kirstin. You'll want to be her.
Kirstin and Sam are a couple in their late fifties, or maybe early sixties, that Lisa and I met on the boat ride up the Nile the day before. Kirstin is one of those people who grew up traveling, so she's never really been able to settle down. She speaks five languages. Growing up, she lived all over Central America, South America and the Caribbean. At 18, she settled down in the States to go to school. She got married young, had children young, and then got divorced young. So she didn't get to travel much in her twenties and thirties since she was a single mom.

Then the kids grew up.

And she met Sam.

Sam and Kirstin's philosophy is "When we want to take a vacation, we just get a different job in a different part of the world." The whole reason that the two of them are in Africa to begin with is that Sam is considering taking a job in South Africa. They own a house on one of the keys off of the coast of Belize and they build and sell spec homes there. They own a house in Mexico where Kirstin is a real estate agent. The own an organic farm in Panama.

Jealous yet?

Of course, they'll be the first to tell you that their lifestyle comes with sacrifices. Even when they mentally want to settle down and stop moving, they find that emotionally they don't have it in them to stay in one place. They don't get to see much of their children or grand children. No lifestyle, we all know, is ever perfect. But their lifestyle is pretty cool. And I'd have no complaints if I grew up to be just like them.

We say goodbye to Kirstin and Sam after the ferry back across the river. And then we are off on the road, only to come up against another river partway through the day...

So, listen. It's not snake wine, but...
James is the kind of guide who likes to point out things of interest going on on the side of the road as we drive. Sometimes this is, well, annoying to me. Sometimes, however, it is highly useful. Highly useful includes today when James points out men making moonshine/sugarcane gin on the side of the road. Sugarcane gin is made from -- you guessed it -- sugarcane and water. The water, in this case, comes from a dirty puddle on the side of the road. Not to be deterred by the threat of malaria or other health concerns, as soon as James points this activity out, I yell, "STOP THE CAR."

James negotiates a forty cent savings for me, but who am I to stop him? I get a water-bottle-sized amount for about sixty cents (USD). James warns me that, though this batch is somewhat weak, I'm still about to experience some strong booze. I smile. Content.

People! African sugarcane moonshine is excellent! By that I mean if you like your liquor strong, which is how I like my liquor and my boyfriends (emotionally, I mean). It's soooooo goood. You actually can get really serious hints of sugarcane in there. So good! I go to sleep with a shot every night for the rest of the trip. Okay, maybe not so much for the rest of the trip because the moonshine is preservative free, and by the time we get to Mihingo it's, well, not good. Ho Lin! Nobody was there to take a picture of my first drink, but we did get these pictures of me searching for a booze fix in the middle of Africa.




If you'd like to marry me, my mom needs a bag of onions.
For the first two hours or so of the car ride, Lisa and James have an animated conversation about marriage in Uganda.

Oh, and yes, please note that by day four of the trip, Lisa has moved into the front seat by James. This arrangement works out perfectly for everybody. Lisa gets a more comfortable seat. Lisa likes to talk. James likes to talk. I am less of a talker. They can spend the drive talking, and I can spend the drive going into my own little world in the backseat.



Anyway, after James gets done telling Lisa that she could fall in love with a man even if that man were not educated or wealthy (though I think James may have been wrong), he then launches into the story of how he married his wife. He ends the story by explaining that he paid for her by giving her family a padlock, a fence and a saucepan.

Lisa
It sounds like you got off pretty cheaply.

James
Oh, I mean, I also had to give four cows, ten goats, many chicken, a bag of sugar, a bag of rie, a bag of onions...

So, gentlemen, my mother is currently taking bids to marry me off. She too needs a bag of onions, as well as some corriander, a jar of sweet gherkins and some Nature Valley granola bars.

Lunch!
Lunch is, of course, depressing. James is insistent that we find a spot where the local village children won't bother us and beg, but after we've settled into the grass, word gets out and it isn't long before the children are there. We end up pretty much giving most of our food away, but even by day four I've lost my tolerance for bananas, pineapple and passion fruit anyway. This is pretty much the lunch experience anytime we stop in random places. I hate it. I want to take them all home with me. Like Oprah.



Bridge Out!
James has been stressing out all day because the bridge that we need to cross to get to Port Portal is flooded. He stops every single person we pass on the road coming from that direction to ask the status of the bridge. And, yes, they all confirm that it's flooded. Yes, they all confirm that if we want to cross it, we will have to drive through the water. And, yes, they all confirm that if it rains again before we get there, we will simply not be able to cross the bridge. If we can't cross the bridge, the "detour" will be several hours.

We get to the bridge, and it is, in fact, flooded. The water would come about up to our windows.

Me
James, how often does this bridge flood?

James
It, you know, happens during the rainy season.

Me
Why don't they just re-build the bridge so that it's higher than the water when it rains?

James
(insert look of "You silly, silly white woman" here)

So, the bridge is flooded and it is a scene. The predominant way that people are profiting from this unfortunate natural disaster of sorts is to offer to push your car through the water if you cross. Apparently, the day before, another guide from our safari group had paid to have his Land Cruiser pushed. Pussy. James is having none of that. He tells the guys that if they just move the car they're using to block the access to the bridge out of the way, he'll pay them to push us. And then, as soon as they move the car, he takes off without them. About halfway across the river when a boat sails by my window, I am convinced that I am about to drown in the middle of a flooded river in Africa. But James gets us out safely. In fact, I think he even enjoyed it a little bit.




And then we are at 'N'dali. And it is heaven. But we'll talk about that later!

To see a complete set of photos from this day, click here.

 

Uganda Chapter 4: Wildlife, Bitches.

To see a complete set of photos from this day, click here and here.

So, in previous travel journals, reference has been made to the Ho Lin/Lisa Steval style of traveling. Which, in case you have forgotten, is basically to schedule an activity for every minute of every day. Generally, when we are traveling as a group, I skip every third or fourth activity to, well, sleep usually. But that was not to be on this trip. I skipped one nature walk, and it was on the last day. And so, on our first real day in Par'aa, we went activity heavy from start to finish.

We were out the door at 7am to start the first of many game drives on this trip. Some baboons greeted us on the road on the way into the park for the game drive:



And then we are off on our game drive! Happy girls in a happy world.



We see lots of wildlife, and it's magical. I mean, really magical. First, the sun rises over the Nile river.



Then we spot lots and lots of wild game. You can, of course, see all of the pictures here, but among the beautiful animals we see are:

Water Buffalo...


Giraffe...


Elephant...


Lion...


Warthog...


Antelope of many varieties...


We're exhausted, so we nap and have lunch, and then we're off for a boat ride up the Nile so that we can see Murchison Falls from the bottom. Before we leave for the boat ride though, a mama baboon and her little baby baboon come out to play. They're looking for shade, because it's, you know, Africa hot there, but it's kind of like the baboons are like Lisa and I. They have world lust.



And then our boat ride, on which we saw...

Hippos...


Croc...


And the falls from the bottom...


I've a lovely day.

That night, I'm in my room. And the mosquito netting is down. And I hear wings fluttering. Now, perhaps I should mention that the walk from our rooms to the lobby is pretty much like a video game in which, after dark, you dodge bats. So when I hear the fluttering in my room, I assume that there must be a bat in my room. I go and knock on Lisa's door.

Me
"I think something's in my room. Can you come sit in there for a while and tell me if you hear anything?"

Lisa
"I heard the same thing last night, and there was nothing in my room."

Me
"Humor me."

And so Lisa comes and sits in my room for twenty minutes, and we hear NOTHING the entire time she's in there. So she leaves, and I go to bed. And I wake up in the middle of the night and roll over onto my side.

Attached by his gross little feet to the outside of my mosquito netting DIRECTLY ACROSS FROM MY FACE is a nasty little bat. And I? I act like a GIRL. I jump up screaming and fight my way through the mosquito net and sprint out the door. Of course, if you've been paying attention, you know that sprinting out of the door means sprinting right into bat central outside. And the bats, I swear to GOD, start coming right for my head. And so I scream again (and it's a good thing I wasn't in actual trouble because nobody seems to have heard me scream) and run back into my room and into the bathroom and slam the door shut. LIKE A GIRL.

I finally collect myself enough to take a towel and chase the bat out, but suffice it to say that I did not get a ton of sleep that night. Which was unfortunate since the next day we had to get up at the crack of dawn to...

To see a complete set of photos from this day, click here and here.

 

Uganda Chapter 3: There is no "time" in Africa

(To see a complete set of photos from this day, click here, here and here.)

And so, it's finally Friday though it feels much later and we're finally taking off on safari. we're supposed to leave at 7:30am in the Land Cruiser that is pretty much our home for the next twelve days. Lisa has money in the safe at the hotel. The night before we leave, she asks the front desk if she'll be able to get her money out by 7:30am. "No, problem!" she is told.

Perhaps you read my tweet where I explained that in Africa time is more like a vague knowledge that now is later than before rather than a set system of hours, minutes and seconds.

"There is nobody here with the key. They will be here in fifteen minutes."

"Just another fifteen minutes."

"Fifteen minutes more."

We finally leave. At 8:30am. Possibly closer to 9am.

Friday is a long driving day. Eight hours. And because we have left late, we are now in morning rush hour traffic going out of Kampala. As we're sitting in traffic going out of Kampala, James points over to a large dirt construction area.

"That will be Uganda's first freeway," he says.

"Oh!" Lisa and I say.

"But it will not be like your freeways in America," he says, "There will be goats crossing it at certain points."



You would think that that comment might sum up how bad the roads are in Uganda, but it doesn't. Everything you've heard about how bad the roads are there? However bad it is in your imagination? Multiply that by a hundred. The roads aren't typically paved. But I come from a place where often there aren't paved roads. It's not the unpaving that's the issue. It's the lack of maintenance of any kind. The roads were so bad that my cell phone broke just from being in my backpack getting bumped around. You regularly were being bounced three to four inches out of your seat. By day ten, I wanted to cry just at the thought of having to ride in the car. The entire unemployment problem in Uganda could be solved by just hiring enough people to actually maintain the roads, paved or not. That is all.

Our first stop is the rhino sanctuary. There used to be a lot of wild rhino in Uganda, but most (all) of them were poached off during the Idi Amin regime. The rhino sanctuary has six rhino to breed to reintroduce the species to Uganda. Three of the rhino were donated from Kenya. Three of the rhino were donated from...wait for it...Disney's Wild Kingdom.

Reintroducing rhinos into an environment is hard because the gestation period for a rhino is so long. A mama rhino is pregnant for sixteen months before she gives birth, and then she'll nurse the cub for several years before she gets pregnant again. At that pace, starting with six rhino, the rhino population should reach normal levels in Uganda again sometime around the same time the last ice has melted from Antarctica.

And so, we drive out into the wild to find us some rhino, along with our ranger- who is also named Geoffrey. There are many Geoffrey's in this trip. Thank you British colonizers. After about half an hour, we find Abu, who has been tracking the rhino all day. There are three - and they're the three from Kenya so at least I don't have to feel like I could have seen the same thing in Orlando. The group we find has two females and one male, and one of the females (Bella) is actually pregnant. We don't get to see her big belly though because the females stay seated the whole time we're there.

The male, though, is feeling friendly and wants to come close. Like, really close. Like, much closer than the rangers are comfortable with. But I! I grab the moment to get what is possibly the third or fourth worst picture ever taken of me along with a rhino less than ten feet away from me. And the rhino actually cooperated by looking right at the camera when the picture got shot. It was a scene. Lisa is excited that the rhino is so close so she's snapping frame after frame. Geoffrey is upset that the rhino is so close so he's yelling "Go back! Go back!" at it. I am determined to get a Christmas letter picture so I'm shoving my camera into Abu's hand and hissing "Take the picture! Take the picture!" while I try to smile. Welcome to enjoying the peaceful nature of a rhino reserve.

The rhino are really just beautiful. Enjoy some pictures.




After the rhino sanctuary, we have my favorite meal of the trip. Now, let me just say that we have some amazing food at Semiliki, N'Dali and Mihingo, but my theory that the best food you'll have on any trip is what you'll buy off the streets held true on this trip. We're driving through some village and we buy some cassava and roasted goat meet out of the window of the car. And it's the single most delicious thing I eat all trip. It's like, unreal. And I probably dodge a bullet by not getting sick from it, but even if I had gotten sick from it, it would have been worth it (unlike any of the other travel meals that have historically made me sick and not been worth it).



Our last stop of the day is the top of Murchison Falls. Murchison Falls is this amazing spot in the Nile River where the entire Nile forces itself through a gap that's only 7 meters (about 21 feet) wide. You may remember that seeing the Nile, the source of which is actually in Uganda, was one of the things I was looking forward to the most on this trip. It really should have been on my 43 Things list, but whatever. Anyway, the Nile is amazing. That river is responsible for so much in the development of society. Just standing next to it is amazing. And this particular spot is stunning with the power of all of that water rushing through.




Finally, after a really, really long day, we head out to Par'aa where we'll spend the next two nights. On the way there, we drive through the Murchison Falls national park and see all kinds of plant and wildlife. They've found oil on the land surrounding Murchison Falls, so enjoy these pictures while you can. I'm sure it won't be beautiful there for very much longer now that there's oil involved.



We pretty much fall into bed that night at Par'aa. Which is good because we'll need to be up at the crack of dawn for ...

(To see a complete set of photos from this day, click here, here and here.)

 

Uganda Chapter Two - Coke vs. Pepsi

To see a complete set of photos from day one, click here.

Lisa and I spend one day in Kampala before heading off on Safari. Kampala has all of the charming characteristics of a third world city that many readers of this blog have come to know and love in their own travels, including but not limited to:

- Smog and exhaust fumes so thick it makes Los Angeles feel like a nature preserve

- Meat product that nobody can identify for you

- A convenient four-tiered pricing structure that operates as such (from cheapest rate to most expensive rate): non-white locals, non-white foreigners, white Europeans, white Americans

- "Flexible" times when the internet, or for that matter electricity, are available

- Traffic signals and lane dividers that are more mere suggestions rather than an enforced way to protect drivers and pedestrians

I get my usual itch on to get out of the city as fast as possible.

Lisa and I meet up for breakfast. Two things are realized at breakfast.
1. I cannot find my Mephaquin, and without it I am pretty much assured that I will return home with malaria
2. Lisa and I have both neglected to purchase travel insurance.

Problem one is luckily solved by the fact that Mephaquin is stocked in a pharmacy nearby. I paid $11USD for a one-month supply. Wanna know what I paid for a three week supply stateside before I left? Not $11USD, that's for sure.

Problem two *could* be easily solved if we could get on the internet. However, please see above note about questionable ability to use said internet. And so the next day we leave Kampala with no travel insurance. This becomes like a joke to me as the trip goes on. Let me remind you, if you break a leg in Uganda, you want a med-evac to come and get you and take you to the nearest westernized hospital. You do not want local treatment. Lisa went to a local clinic and watched them stick a straight pin in the top of an IV to get it to drip properly. Sterile, much? And so, as the trip went on, we would be in the jungle having to jump over some muddy river, or we'd be hiking on a four inch "trail" with a 100 foot mudslide directly to the left, or we'd be driving across a river on a flooded bridge with water up to the windows of the Land Cruiser, and I'd just look whomever was standing next to me and say, "I DO NOT HAVE TRAVEL INSURANCE."

We really did dodge a bullet by not getting hurt. When we got to Lake Mburo at the end of the trip, we mentioned to Dom, the lodge keeper, that we had done this trip without travel insurance and he looked at us in horror. Don't use me as an example. Don't travel Africa without travel insurance.

Lis and I decide that we want to hire a driver for the day to take us around and show us Kampala. Lis is a better negotiator than I am, but I know that she will kill me if I don't get the rate down to at least the white European rate. This is how I get the rate down. I am in the booking office with the cute little safari reservation girl, and a boy comes in to visit her. The three of us end up getting into a conversation about how the boy drinks too much and is becoming an alcoholic.

Boy
I am getting older every day. Time is slipping away.

Me
You're just a baby.

Boy
I am thirty years old.

He looks all of twenty.

Me
There is no way you're thirty years old. I don't believe you.

Reservations Girl
Ugandan men will always inflate their age to get respect. Be careful of that as you explore Uganda.

Me
I wasn't planning to explore Uganda in that way.

Reservations Girl
You deserve another $20 off.

And that's how we got the rate down to the white Europeans rate.

And so, our driver is Geoffrey. First stop - the Buganda kings' tomb. The Buganda are the largest tribe in Uganda, and typically the Bugandan king is also the "king of kings." It's certainly the most powerful tribe in Uganda. At the tombs, we hire a second guide, whose name is Nicholas. And in my favorite moment of the day, as we are standing in the MUD HUT waiting for him to be ready, we notice that the other people in the MUD HUT are all watching Mr.Big on a refurbished Dell. Welcome to Africa.



The tombs are my favorite thing that we do that day, but mostly because of Nicholas. He's *very* political (in fact, he even wrote a little book on the history of the Buganda tribe, which I now own and will read later. Much later.). I learn a lot about Uganda from him. Lisa has to put a skirt on over her jeans since women in trousers are not allowed into the tombs, and then some man from Cameroon tries to marry her. The tombs are fun.




Most of the rest of our day is spent looking at the large religious structures in Kampala as well as the king's compound and some of the nicer government buildings. Pictures are better than words here, so here you go. And yes, every time I took a picture of some African school children walking home, I got a little bit whiter myself.





My favorite stop though is the Miracle Center. The born-agains have found their way to Kampala and they will not be stopped. They have built a huge worship center that may just be the single nicest building in Kampala. It has a cafe (because all that worshiping can wear you out), a girls' ministry and a whole parking lot of double decker buses to bring the flock home. And I, of course, am torn. Because this is Africa, and let's be real, the born again contingent is doing some good, important work there that nobody else seems to want to do. But I'm American. And where I come from, born agains tell my friends that they're sinners and resort to violence often times in the name of Christ. But I will say this: in Africa it is the same as in America, the born agains have the biggest, baddest building anywhere.