We Need to Talk About Some Things: An Early Week Fiver
We need to discuss some things. Some of them important, some of them not.
1. Why aren't you updating your blog, Jocelyn? Listen, you should expect that for the next several months, at best, I'm checking in once or twice a week. There's a lot going on that some of you know about and some of you don't. Huge professional opportunity that I don't want to miss or under-perform at. New developments with the boy on the scene that change the whole game. Things in real life to focus on, and some of them, for various reasons, while they would be great storytelling, must be left off of the blog. I'm probably setting something up privately somewhere for some of that, but here will be sparse for some time to come. I'm sure I'll be back in full swing by the holidays, because I would not want you to miss a single holiday retardedness story.
2. Thing Number One That I Hate Myself for Loving: The New 90210. Okay, listen. I don't pretend for a moment that it compares to the original, and I'm not even sure I'll care about it for the entire season. Mostly, I don't think that it will hold up because none of the actors they've hired have 1/3 of the charisma of a Jason Priestly or a Luke Perry or a Tori Spelling (say what you want, when she was on screen you couldn't take your eyes off of her). But there were some freakingly brilliant things about the first episode.
a. The replacement cast in general: It is kind of neat how every original cast member has a more or less replacement in this cast. The siblings who move, the journalism geek (though this time it's a man), the troubled rebel, the troubled rich girl, the wanna-be celeb. I appreciate the theme on the original variation, and yes, I just said that about 90201.
b. Erin Silver: Remember when Kelly Taylor's mom and David Silver's dad had a baby in season three or four and named her Erin? She's now a character on the new show. She calls her self Sliver and wears dark eyeliner and has a video blog. You see, because the video blog is the replacement for the morning radio show. Awesomeness.
c. The shout-out to Andrea Zuckerman: Possibly the best moment of the show, when the morning tv news anchor for the high school comes on and introduces herself as Andrea Zuckerman Garcia and then the show cuts to a teacher in a classroom who looks up at the tv and says, "How old is that girl anyway? Like 30?" This is all hysterical if you watched the original and know that Andrea Zuckerman was a Jewish girl played by a Latina girl/woman who was already 30 years old when she got cast on the show.
d. The shout out to Dylan: At the end of the show, the "troubled rebel" character who will replace Dylan emerges from the ocean wearing a wetsuit and carrying at surfboard just like Dylan did in the first episode. It was hot. Inappropriately hot.
e. Oral sex: We never had implied or obvious oral sex in the original.
f. Jennie Garth & Shannen Dougherty: Thank you, ladies, for making this special.
The only place the show entirely failed, in my mind, was in the casting of the parents. One of the things that worked so well in the original is that the parents looked like parents, and like parents who might not fit in so well in LA. I love Lori Loughlin and I LOVE Rob Estes (remember Silk Stalkings of late eighties fame?). LOVE THEM. But nobody has ever had parents that are that hot, ever, in the history of parents. EVER. Kelly's mom wasn't hot. Dylan's parents were old hippies. And for sure, Carol and Jim Walsh were not hot. I don't like the hot parents. That is all.
3. Thing Number 2 That I Hate Myself for Loving: The NKOTB &Ne-Yo Single: So. Brilliant. Let's list the ways and reasons that I love and can't stop listening to and watching the video for this song.
a. It's a mother-fucking colaboration between the New Kids on the Block and Ne-Yo. Right there, that should be enough for you.
b. My boyfriend Joey Mac is on lead vocals.
c. The video takes place in Jet, which is just not-hot enough to be the landscape for a NKOTB vidow.
d. These are the lyrics: Pretty mama if you're single...single You don't gotta be alone tonight So while the dj play this single...single Just pretend that I'm your man tonight So you don't gotta be alone Baby ill be your boyfriend Be your boyfriend til the song goes off (Mmmm)
BRILLIANT.
4. NFL: Is finally back. The public was on the Lions today. The public was way wrong on that one. My Steelers looked like the best team ever to take the field. I mean, it was against the Texans, and at home. But I'm going to take it. I'm going to take it because I made this unfortunate bet that I could imagine regretting. I bet $50 that the Steelers would have a winning record at the bye week (which for them is week six), but I gave my opponent 3-1 odds on it. So if they can't eek out 3-2, I'm out $150. I love my Steelers. There's turmoil in Steeltown though, and I may be out some cash.
Also, that Jets/Miami game was very exciting to watch. I still don't like it though.
5. The Last King of Scotland: Briefly, that movie is disturbing, and it leaves you feeling unwell at the end, and it doesn't even really begin to touch on how horrible and sick and twisted Amin was. If you're going to watch the movie, be mentally prepared.
1. I am not a cliche...sort of. Somebody thought that she was really funny when she sent me this after I said that my psychic said that my jam for 2008 was "Unwritten." Right to hell with you, hooker. I mean that last sentence in an affectionate, "anything is possible" way.
2. I HAD been looking forward to a week of unemployment. How is it that my "to do" list is twice as long for this week? I know, I know. I'm getting PPG ready to leave in ToniK's capable hands for a month, I'm starting a consulting firm, I'm NOT IN ANYWAY READY to leave for Mongolia. Have I told you that I haven't even booked a flight home from Pennsylvania yet? My head hurts. It's 11am on a Sunday, and my head hurts already. And I probably have two full days of laundry to do. I should start that this evening.
3. FERRIS IN DA HOUSE. So, Ferris gets here Thursday for Pretty Kim's wedding. At noon. I want to say I'm going to drop him and his ladeeefriend on the Strip and come home and pack. I'm not sure if this is reality or not. But I know this ... when Ferris and I and the three fat cats are in Vegas together, we PAR-TAY.
4. A list of things that made me cry this week: Yeah, who knows. I was in crying mode this week. - Mark and Chelsea on "So You Think You Can Dance" - Katee & Joshua on "So You Think You Can Dance" - The episode of "Sex and the City" where Steve and Miranda break up - Last night's middle of the night phone message that I just can't return (sorry). You know, sometimes the people who make you feel the best are really the worst for you, and I hate that. - The car ride home from pottery when I started thinking about how I won't be in Vegas at this time next year, and this time of year is my favorite time in Vegas - The fact that I have to wait until September to see Erin - About 50 different incidents at work. Which is over Monday, so yeah! - The thought of two to three days worth of laundry.
Yes, I was having my pms week. But still...
5. But speaking of the above ... The worst thing is when one of those people who makes you feel really good but is ultimately not really good for you is one of those people you have some kind of crazy universal connection with. That's the worst, because then even though you know you need to separate out and you're doing all the right things like the no-contact rule and dating a lot so that you don't think about him and stuff like that, the universe is looking for any excuse to put you together. Like last night, you know? I got a text message in the middle of the night, and I was all thinking "I really kind of wish, even though I know it's not what I want, but if I'm being honest I wish that that were him" and then 45 minutes later he called. When that happens, it's really hard to look at your caller ID and be like "I cannot answer that no matter how much I may want to." It's never good to be at odds with what the universe wants. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. It makes it harder to do already very hard things.
It's Been So Long: A Midweek Five That Is Really Lists Within Lists
1. Idol FanGrrrrl: I just wanted to let you know that I have selected the recipient of this year's Idol Crush posting. I'm just working out in my head how to do it since it's full of possibilities. Now, I know that nothing can ever compare to the Bo Bice fan posting of 2005. And truth be told my last two crush selections bowed out of the competition pretty early (and I think that this one may, too). No, it's not Archuletta, because I'm not insane. Praise poetry is being written right now for this year's recipient. Awesome.
2. A List of Times You Should Not Call Me: I used to LOVE March Madness. Like, you know, for all of my life. But that was before I went to work in sports gambling world. Now I have bags under my eyes literally every day in March. Bags.Under.My.Eyes. I have no idea even why I'm still working here other than inertia. But regardless, right now my work day starts at six and ends at six and there's still some work before I go to bed. And I love everybody, too, but I don't love when you complain that I don't answer my phone. So here's a list of times it's not kosher to call, and it's most of the time until the end of March: Monday: All day. All night. Seriously. Tuesday: Before Noon, Between 4pm and 6pm, after 10pm Wednesday: Any time after 4pm Thursday: Before Noon, Between 4pm and 6pm, after 10pm Friday: All day. All night. Seriously.
Seriously. Do the math. That schedule shows you how much free time I've got during the week right now. And I have people in town EVERY WEEKEND THIS MONTH except for the last weekend during which I'll be in Denver. Which is awesome, don't get me wrong. But there's no sleep in my future. No sleep. That is all.
3. A List of Things Making Me Happy Right Now: But there are a lot of things making me happy right now!
a. Mimosa Shower and Bath Gel from Philosophy: Candy Woo bought me this for Christmas, and nothing is making me feel better at 5am when I'm suddenly getting ready for work instead of chilling with the cats than then scent of a prohibited morning mimosa. Yummy.
b. Red Bean Mochi: Is delicious and the perfect dessert for the dieter (that's me, because the current size of my ass is not something that's making me happy).
d. Grey Goose Pear and Cran: Has been my drink of choice for a while now. But I've been drinking more lately because I've been so stressed out. So that makes me happy.
e. Schulz & Peanuts: There are a whole bunch of people whom I think would enjoy reading this. Kind of the way I'm enjoying reading it. For an hour a day while soaking in a bathtub. TMI? Perhaps.
f. The Cave of Ordeals: This is a section in "Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess" where you have to battle through 50 floors of enemies. I've never beaten it yet. But I keep trying, every night before I go to bed.
g. The New Treadmills at the Gym: Are awesome. You can run a hill that's designed so that you meet the same resistance points as if you were running up part of Kilimanjaro. You can charge your iPhone while you're running. For that matter, you can plug your iPhone into the treadmill and see the iPhone display on screen.
h. Spring: Is here. I've had my windows open all week. It's been nice.
i. My Wish Box from K-Rock: Kari made and painted a wish box for me for my birthday. I'm having so much fun determining what to wish for.
4. A List of Thoughts About Sex and the City: Okay, so this week I finished watching the last episode of Sex and the City, which means I've now watched - straight through - all 94 episodes (because I wanted to be fully prepared for the movie). I have thoughts. If I weren't so busy and tired, these thoughts would probably be their own entry. But instead they are a list. A list within a list.
a. God, that show was good ... And I don't care what you all say about women not really being like that and nobody living that well in New York and that show making men disposable. Maybe that's not your life. But there's a lot of similarity to my life and to the life of a lot of women I know. And there's not a single episode of that show that I don't enjoy. Seriously. There's not a single episode that I watched while doing something else in the background because they're all that good. It may be my second favorite thing that was ever put on television (Northern Exposure is, of course, first).
b. But the problem was ... that I always hated Carrie. She's the least likable of the girls. She's so self-absorbed, so unrealistic, so selfish. So, just, I wouldn't want to hang out with her. Neurotic. I'm always relieved when I take those Sex and the City quizzes and I'm most like any of the girls but her. Sometimes it's hard to watch that show because you're just not cheering for her when it comes right down to it. And then, like I said, I was never, ever able to forgive her for letting go of Aiden. Only a very selfish woman does that.
c. But she redeems herself with ... her speech in the final episode, in the final 10 minutes, when she leaves Paris and The Russian and she gives him a speech about how she's somebody who's searching for love, for ridiculous love, for consuming love. And suddenly, you forgive her for all the times you wanted to hit her in the head with her Manolos because you realize she really does understand herself and who she is. Even if I don't like her, I then have to respect her for that kind of self awareness.
d. And in the end, I most felt connected to ... Miranda. Don't get me wrong. Charlotte is sweet and I love Samantha, but Miranda is really the one who changes the most and becomes the most complete person.
e. And speaking of the final episode ... Yeah, sure, there's the argument that maybe it maybe cleans things up too neatly, but that doesn't mean that I don't love it. I love the moment where Carrie gives her speech, I love the moment where Smith comes back and tells Samantha that he loves her. I love that episode of television.
f. My most favorite episode ... You know, I hate to say it. I do, and there are a ton of episodes that I really, really, really love, but my favorite episode has to be the one where Berger breaks up with Carrie on a post-it note. The entire episode is about them figuring out their relationship, and then he just quits, and the last scene is her throwing the flower vase he gave her across the room. And it's just perfectly real and perfectly done. It's my favorite: though I'm also quite fond of the episode where Charlotte and Trey break up and he comes back for the photo shoot, and the episode where Carrie and Aidan break up even though I can barely watch it without having a breakdown, and the episode where Carrie goes out with the twenty-something, the fireman episode, the Vince Vaughn episode and, particularly, the episode where Carrie and Aidan first move in together.
g. And the movie ... Well, I think it will be emotional. What I know for sure is that Miranda and Steve are dealing with infidelity and something has happened to Carrie (the movie takes place three years after the tv series left off) that fundamentally changes her. So much could possibly account for that.
5. A List of the Best Text Messages That I Received This Week From Ferris: Three Things Robin Thicke is fascinated with: his birthday, sexing up the girl, his birthday.
From Hott Scott: On Beauty and the Geek one of the beauties didn't know if dinosaurs breathed fire or not. Awesome.
6. A List of the Best Conversations I Had Last Week: The topic was "relationships", as it usually is right after my birthday. Enjoy.
With Chicago Style:
Me But you know, the thing is that I've pretty much figured out that I'm not the marrying type AT ALL. But who wants to be alone? So I'm trying to figure out a middle ground solution.
Him Well, I'll be waiting for my middle ground invitation.
Me Yeah, but you know what the problem with middle grounds is? Somebody always eventually wants to move off of the middle.
Him You've been doing this too long.
With shamus?
Me Blah, blah, blah, blah, internet sex, blah, blah, blah, blah, social disease, blah blah blah blah, appeals to my sense of distance, blah blah blah blah.
shamus? But isn't that what's so perfect about sex on the internet? When you're done, there's the "off" switch that everybody's been looking for all along.
With RJ
Me You know, I think that what I'm determining is that long distance relationships are pretty much perfect for me. I get all the emotional intimacy without having my space invaded, and they fit perfectly into my time schedule. Which is to say that they require very little actual time, or none at all outside of texts and emails and the occassional phone call which can be done while doing other things.
RJ It's true. I think that sounds just about perfect for you. You may have finally figured it out.
With Hott Scott
Hott Scott So now, every time I hear a Melissa Etheridge song, I think of you. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED?
Me Isn't that what every girl wants?
With Big D
Me I mean, I've really looked at it in the last six months, and I'm really starting to get okay with the idea that it just may not happen for me.
Big D Yeah. Me too. I mean, I'm almost forty. I'm starting to think I'll never fall in love.
Me But I'm okay with that. I mean, I know that I'd rather be alone than be in my sixties going through a divorce. Who wants that? I want to look back at sixty and say that it was all worth it. I'm kind of starting to think that the only way I can do that is if I do it on my own. I don't want to end up like they ended up.
Big D I know what you mean. I'll see you in a week and we'll drink until we can't stand up. Then we'll believe again.
With Miss Erin and Miss Kat
Me Well, the thing is, it may not happen for me -- the whole marriage and babies thing -- but it may not happen because of decisions that I personally made about what was important to me and how I wanted to live. But I'm standing here right now on the brink of realizing it may just not happen, and if you asked me if I'd change any of it, I wouldn't. I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on seeing and experiencing the things that I did.
Miss Erin I feel exactly the same way.
Miss Kat I just feel like, as women in this day and age, we really set ourselves up more times than not to not end up married with babies because we don't need to end up married with babies. And I'm not sure if that's better or worse, but I wouldn't have wanted any life other than the one I had.
Okay, that last one sounded like we were on The View, but it was actually in my car on the way back from Lake Las Vegas.
So Much Online Media It Will Make Your Head Hurt: A Friday Fiver That LOVES YouTube
1. Have You Met My New Chinese Boyfriends? If you haven't watched, well, pretty much every YouTube posting of the Dorm Room Boyz ... well, you're missing out. Until now. You may wonder, would Milli Vanilli have still been famous if we'd all known that their smarmy sexy selves were lip-syncing? They would have been if they were in China.
2. Did the Mannings Really Need to Humiliate Themselves Like This? This is an actual conversation from the office this week.
Whipper Hey, J, have you seen this video with the Manning brothers having an Oreo lick-off?
Me No. I have a feeling I don't want to.
Whipper No! You have to see it. I need to know if you think it's a turn on. I'm trying to understand it.
Me This sounds bad.
And then I am forced to watch this. I warn you, you will feel five kinds of dirty if you watch it.
Whipper So, what that hot?
Me It was so not hot.
Whipper Some woman, somewhere, thinks that's hot.
Me Whip, I'm pretty sure that no woman, nowhere, thinks that's hot.
Whipper Really?
Me Really. But you know what? My favorite part of that video is the end where Peyton's got that little bit of white Oreo stuff on his chin and it looks like he just gave a gay blow job. Now THAT's hot.
3. Ah, 90210. Ah. Tonight, I watched the last of the episodes of Season Three of Beverly Hills 90210. Ah, so good. SO GOOD. And meaningful, because it's the last season where the kids are in high school. In season four, they all start college, and things are never really the same. This is the season where Dylan leaves Brenda for Kelly. It's senior prom, where Donna gets drunk and gets expelled. Donna and Brenda spend the summer in Paris and Dean Cain guest stars. And then, the commencement episode, which made me cry.
It's also the season where Brian Austin Green (BAG) begins to dance and sing. It's a nightmare, though as I found out after Ferris bought it for me, the BAG debut cd "One Ring Circus" is kind of catchy. Not catchy? This.
4. One Month Until Spain! Well, actually, slightly less than a month. I can barely wait. Because, clearly, it's been about a month since I took a trip. I have issues. And you know what Catwoman and I just decided? ATLANTIC CITY IN OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It'll be just like that Sex & The City episode, but better.
5. Terminator! Yeah, I know. None of us love the new Sarah Connor like we loved Linda Hamilton. For reals. Here's a clip to remind you of the old times.
The Days of Wine and Vodka Is actually the title of an episode in season three of Melrose Place. Fans of the show (ahem, me) will tell you that this is far and away the single best season of the show by. It's really amazing. As I sit here, watching the season three finale and being a little bit sad that this joyous ride of re-living television from my junior year of college is ending and also being grateful to Matt McD for making this MP festival at Chez Jocelyn possible, I am convinced that it is the best season of Melrose Place (though in fairness it does not come close to the brilliance of season two of 90210). In season three of this masterpiece of evening soap opera, we experience all of the following thrills and stresses:
- Dr. Kimberly Shaw has returned from the dead and framed Jane for Michael's murder, but she's crazy and has lost all of her hair. Sydney is convicted of Michael's murder attempt and sent to a loony bin.
- Amanda's father tries to have Jake killed on his boat.
- We are introduced to Jack Wagner and his hair in the role of Dr. Peter Burns. During the first episode he appears in, Dr. Peter Burns utters the following line to Amanda in reference to a chess game: "I'm tired of playing with myself."
- Jane attempts to marry an Australian, but it turns out that he's actually tried to rape Sidney. Michael and Kimberly break up the marriage and then get married themselves. When attempting to tell Jake about the attempted rape, Sydney says the following, "I'm a former hooker just out of the loony bin. Who's going to believe me?" Who, indeed, Sidney?
- Allison becomes an alcoholic, at one point uttering the line to Billy "At least in the morning, I'll be sober. You'll still be a self-centered pig." She then enters rehab where she becomes involved with a recovering sex addict.
- Jo is pregnant with the baby of a drug addicted ex-boyfriend whom she had to kill when he kidnapped her and locked her on a boat during a drug deal gone bad. His parents want custody of the baby, so rather than just give up the baby, Kimberly and Jo conspire to fake that the baby was born stillborn. But then Kimberly steals the baby and refuses to give it back to Jo.
- Amanda loses her job at D&D advertising. Then she and Peter pull a coup and get it back. Then the former president of D&D hangs himself in the office. Then Peter and his lover force Amanda out of her job again. But she rebounds, catches them extorting money and gets her job back. Then Amanda gets cancer and loses her job again. Allison takes over the agency and turns into a bitch. Then Amanda pulls yet another coup and gets her job back again. Oh, and her cancer goes into remission.
- Traci Lords guest stars for four episodes as Sidney joins a cult.
- A far less wholesome Kristin Davis guest stars for five episodes and almost marries Billy, who is left alone because Allison gets transferred to Hong Kong.
- Jake and Sidney have sex. Jake and Jane have sex. Michael and Jane have sex. Michael and Sidney have sex. Michael and Kimberly have sex. Michael and Amanda have sex. Amanda and Peter have sex. Jake and Jo have sex. Jo and Jake's brother, played by Dan Cortes, have sex. Dan Cortes is even less believable playing Jake's older brother than he was as a "VJ" on MTV.
(Remember how popular mule-shoes were in 1995? I had several pairs. You know you did, too.)
- Kimberly goes to "I'm not a victim" camp. Then she frames Michael for stalking Amanda.
- Jake and Dan Cortes leap from a construction platform. Billy and Kristin Davis may or may not get married in the cliff-hanger finale.
Maybe you didn't want to watch 24 episodes of brilliance. And if so, I say shame on you. But the preview for the dvd release gives you many of the best moments anyway. So enjoy.
People Who Serve Wine and Vodka So, Saturday was caucus day here. I'm sure you heard by now that Hillary won. Which of course was very exciting for me, and was a key State for her because she didn't have much of a chance in South Carolina and needed to have split with Obama before Super Tuesday.
I would tell you that Hillary won Nevada based on hard campaigning. Most of the state's votes come from Vegas, and she and Bill were both here ALL week. And there were mass public events EVERY NIGHT. You could not miss them. You couldn't NOT be informed about where you were supposed to caucus and how. And by the way, I've never lived in a State with a caucus instead of a primary before, but it's good. It really makes you feel like part of the process, and it keeps politics local. Though, you know, no anonymity.
Anyway, the stats will tell you that Hillary won because of three things.
The women's vote, which makes sense.
The Latino vote, which also makes sense if you look at Clinton's historic voting record.
The fact that the workers of the Culinary Union didn't all vote their union endorsement (which was Obama). Now, given that this cross over of Culinary Union workers to the Hillary camp would be why she won (because it was really close - like you had no doubt that your vote counted it was so close), it still causes me pause.
I am neither pro union nor anti-union. What I am is a person who wants unions to work. Unions have been good to my parents, and to my grandparents, and possibly in the future to Pookie. I also do believe that people in power will take advantage of people without power, and unions are a good way to protect against that. HOWEVER, the unfortunate thing is that unions have shifted the balance of power, not created an equilibrium. It's the unions taking advantage of owners and executives when they insist that an auto factory worker is valued at $60,000 a year plus a benefits package worth a third of that salary plus a pension plan and then hamstring corporations from moving their labor force from the United States to places where labor is more affordable (and often more motivated). So, at this moment in time, I am certainly not pro-union. In most ways, they do more harm than good these days and just come off sounding whiny and greedy.
That said, I think the institution of unions is a good one and should be preserved.
Which is why I find it troublesome that the workers of the Culinary Union crossed over union affiliation in the primary. I knew that the Culinary Union endorsement of Obama would be hard to make happen. This is a union made up LARGELY of women who serve drinks to men for a living. Of course they're going to want to rally behind a woman. Also, it was already known that Hillary was going to take a large portion of the Latino vote here, and the Culinary Union in Vegas is, obviously, largely Latino.
Now, you will certainly not hear me saying that I think that people shouldn't vote for the candidate that best represents them. However, when you cross your union affiliation, it's a little bit short sighted. You need to support the organization that's going to protect YOU the most. Neither presidential candidate meets that criteria, but your union does. The problem, though, when you cross the union affiliation and vote otherwise, is that you weaken your union. One of the strengths of unions is that they can exert power on politicians, and they can do that because unions control HUGE blocks of MOBILIZED voters - voters you can count on to show up at the polls. When union members cross their union affiliation and vote for another candidate (and in this case in numbers that cause that candidate to win), they weaken the unions ability to lobby for them and get results.
So, while I'm glad Hillary won, and I don't love unions in their current form, I'm a little disappointed at the behavior of the Culinary Union workers altogether. Support the establishment that's supported you. In this town, the Culinary Union does a lot of good for a lot of people. It's possible they'll be able to do less of that in the future because they'll no longer be considered a unified, mobilized force.
1. Deja Vu: Remember last year when I wanted to burst into the new year full force...and then I got sick and busy and a ton of other stuff happened? Same old, same old. I have bronchitis. I have a court case. I have some post-holiday depression going on. It blows. I'm determined to get up at 6am tomorrow and get stuff done, which is really laughable if you know how little time I've spent outside of my bed this weekend. Sigh.
2. Best.Thing.Ever: My relationship with the Fox Network is much like my relationship with most men: I am alternately passionately in love with it or I am let down and disappointed by it. Tonight, I was passionately in love with Fox when they premiered "Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles." I actually think I may have gotten moist when Summer Glau kicked open the truck door and said "Come with me if you want to live." I have high hopes. Oh, Fox. Please don't break my heart by making this go the way of "Dark Angel" or "Firefly." Please, please, please. And in case anybody missed the first night, here's the Fox "epic" teaser.
3. It's Been A Long Time Since: I was excited about the political process. Actually, I can tell you exactly when it was. It was when Gavin Newsom was running against Matt Gonzalez for mayor of San Francisco. Matt Gonzalez was a Green Party candidate, and it was the first real chance for somebody outside of one of the two major parties to hold a power position in a major city. And he had fascinating concepts about changing legislation to support urban environments where people rent-to-live instead of ever owning property and homelessness and such. He didn't win. And in fairness, Gavin Newsom has seemingly been a great mayor there. Anyway, I totally remember sitting in this Ethiopian restaurant that we were all in love with at the time with shamus, drinking red wine and listening to the political debates. I mean, we were really listening. Policies mattered and choices were really going to impact that city's future. And we cared about who we were voting for and so did most of the city. And people were talking about issues and change and what mattered in a leader.
This Presidential election feels like that to me. I feel passionate. I feel like almost certainly change will come and it will be a matter of what change. If nothing else, the country is talking. And that's all we could ask for.
4. Sean's Going Away Party: Was this weekend. Everybody is going to China. It makes me happy. I think that people need to go and live in the world - by which I mean outside of the US. I mean, Sean has lived in Japan before, so it's not like I'm saying he's been sheltered. I just like seeing people going out there and living in the WORLD like it's a whole thing. That is all. Here's a picture. And, actually, here are all the pictures.
5. Melrose Place: I am on the last disc of season two of Melrose Place. This is the season where Kimberly dies (and later comes back) and Michael marries Sidney and Jo gets kidnapped by a drug-dealing ex-boyfriend on a yacht and Amanda and Jake have an affair. It's awesome. Anyway, I was watching the last couple of discs of season two because I'm about to watch season three. Both seasons, of course, were given to me as gifts by Matt McD. And we were emailing the other day, and I told him I was re-watching in prep for season three. And he said this:
"I'm glad you went back to Melrose Place season two, because there are so many subtle plot elements they layered in then that didn't pay off until the next year."
Proving once again that my friends are far funnier than I am.
2. Confession #2: I am massively addicted to watching Run's House. If an episode comes on in the background, I shut down for hours.
3. Confession #3: I also watched the Oprah made for tv movie "One More Day" tonight - IN THE BACKGROUND.
4. Confession #4: I turned the Steelers game off in the third quarter, unable to watch any more.
5. Confession #5: I had a moment today when my place was torn apart with holiday wrapping and stressing where I felt very un-holiday-like.
6. Confession #6: It's 11:30pm on a Sunday and I'm drinking -- alone. (It's wine, folks, it's not the same. OKAY - it's really a martini. Same thing.)
7. Confession #7: I played a goddamn drinking game on Friday night. No, seriously, with plastic keg cups and all. No class.
8. Confession #8: I went to the MALL today. Embarrassing.
9. Confession #9: I am currently reading goth trash. Shut up.
10. Confession #10: I cried during The Amazing Race tonight. (I then followed that up with "God. STUPID. Of course your relationship is in the trash. Have you never watched The Amazing Race" before? EVERYBODY breaks up after that show."
Good night, Gracie (that's the martini talking).
10b. "Coming Clean" is the title of a Hillary Duff song. I own that song.
Argh. Argh. Argh. I'm tired. I stayed in bed all day today. I am still processing Thanksgiving, and I mean that mentally AND physically. I will write about it a bit later, when I am less tired. Tonight, I am tired.
1. A promised drunk call: I didn't get drunk at all until Saturday, my dear, and then we pretty much all immediately passed out. You'll get a drunk call this season, patience, grasshopper.
2. Applesauce! Paul & Dex have completed the first promosode for Applesauce, in which the heroes, Unity & Identity, save the universe from certain evil by quoting William Butler Yeats. Yes, it is that good. You know, you can keep tab on when future promosodes of Applesauce have been released (and I can tell you that I got a preview of episode two, and in it we find out that there is no God), by putting the Applesauce blog in your rss feed. There you go. Enjoy the promosode.
3. Speaking of Youtube: Perhaps you want to see the famous Eat'N Park holiday star commercial in full size instead of the small version in the upper left of my blog. Here you go.
4. Speaking of Things That Make You Feel Warm: How good was Brothers & Sisters tonight? That show is the best thing on TV.
5. I should rest tonight, but: It's the Dancing with the Stars finale AND the Steelers on Monday Night Football. So, no rest. That instead.
1. Not Good for Headspace: Here is a list of people who should not read Into the Wild.
a. Parents of children, period. a.2 Parents of children with restless spirits (ie: my mom)
b. People with restless spirits. b.2 People with restless spirits who just got back from Africa and want nothing more than to go off grid for a while. (ie: me)
Yeah, there's a Nature of Sand entry in the works. That is all.
2. In Case You Missed It: In case you are the ONE person in the world who missed it when I posted this on the MySpace page of everybody in the world, I give you the most priceless screenshot ever. It's the face of Marie Osmond, America's sibling sweetheart, as she crawls through the spandex clad, straddled legs of her dance partner on Dancing with the Stars. Enjoy.
Also, yes, I'm heartbroken that Jennie won't be in the finals.
3. Speaking of Sibling Sweethearts: Mine hosts an annual holiday party. And I bought this to wear to it this year.
4. Speaking of Elves and Princesses: Princess D was in town the other day and she had Big E with her (whom I totally adore and support as a boyfriend). And we had lovely Russian food at Red Square and talked about all of the things in life that happen to people when they're, you know, living. And I love them. And here is what they said should make the blog afterwards:
Big E You think that guy over there is hot, don't you?
Me Sure do.
Big E He's so rico suave though. He's probably an asshole.
Me You know, Big E, the thing about SMOS is that you don't so much have to worry about their personalities.
Listen, that's the exchange that THEY picked for the blog update. I had nothing to do with it.
5. How manic is manic? It's, well, manic. Between 12am and 4am on Monday, I reorganized my closet so that, like a mullet, it is business in the front and party in the back. On the left side, all of my work and casual clothes, organized by tops and bottoms and then by color family. On the right side, all of my party clothes, organized the same way. Shoes and purses and scarves and hats organized the same way. That's right. Some might say that if you're a manic insomniac, you should get a lot of productive stuff done. I, in fact, organize cabinets. Fun times.
I will be posting all of the Vancouver stories tomorrow, you know, after I upload the eighty million "drunk eye" photos for your enjoyment.
And hiking photos.
A random, very random, five to start.
1. Holidays! I have started putting the traditional list of suggestions for things to buy the women in your life together. If you, as a woman or a man who likes women's things, have received anything spectacular that you would like to recommend, you just feel free to email me and tell me so that I can include it.
2. Gorillas in the Mist: I finally finished reading it, and I had a moment where I cried on the plane. I should not have read that book so close to having returned. All I could think about was the horror of gorillas being slaughtered. I am still not right after that trip.
3. More Northern Exposure Wisdom: From the episode "Things Become Extinct." God, this season is good. I hope my mom can enjoy season one and season two enough to get to this season, because it's brilliant. "Things Become Extinct" is really about the way phases of your life end. The person that you were becomes extinct and you become somebody new, and stories continue either way. And in the middle, Chris says this:
"'In the middle of the journey of my life, I found myself in a dark wood Where the straight way was lost. Oh, it is hard to speak of what I saw there, Which even in recall renews my fear. So bitter is it that death is hardly more.'
That's Dante, folks, writing of his own midlife crisis.
That's the fourteenth century. Six hundred years have passed and we're still into it. It's at that midpoint in our personal continuum when our delicate lives hang in the balance. We look behind us and see how far we've come, and we realize that our past isn't a solitary trail through secret woods but a vista as big and expansive as the ocean itself with our experiences stretching to the horizon. Like tiny dot-like sailboats, sucked up into the enormous sea. "
Now, that, people, is some television writing.
4. Go Steelers: Damn, my team is good this year. Chargers? 5-4 is good enough for a one game lead in the AFC West? That's embarrassing.
5. I like her BECAUSE she's a drunk: Did you catch this priceless piece of Amy Winehouse trying to sing at the MTV Europe Video Music Awards? It just makes me like her more.
A wedding, a Poem and Lots of Television Talk: Monday Six
Pretty new fall theme, right? Wait till you see the treat I have lined up for you for the holiday season on December 1st.
1. Jess & Matty Got Married! And there are pictures here! ToniK and I brought the "class" to the wedding. By which I mean to say that Jess is probably the only bride in the world who has pictures, taken by her hired wedding photographer, of her at her wedding reception in her lovely gown getting freaked by ToniK and I. I like to think that we were invited specifically to bring that type of behavior.
But here's the best story. So of course, I have no wedding ring so I am dragged to the dance floor for the bouquet toss. And so Jess tosses the flowers. And literally, it's like one of those moments that happen in slow motion. The bouquet launches into the air and directly towards me. And in my head, as this happens, in slow motion, I can only think, "No, no, no, no!" And I stand there and watch it as it goes "thud" on the ground below me.
And then, before I can control myself, my natural instinct kicks in and I TURN AND RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION FROM THE FLOWERS AS THOUGH THEY WERE AN ACTUAL MAN.
That's the very nice woman who picked up the bouquet and kept it.
You only think I'm making this up. Sadly, I'm not. SMOS maybe should last a little bit longer.
These, by the way, are my favorite two pictures from the wedding:
*Before Marriage* *After Marriage*
2. Setting a Good Example: This is an actual text exchange that happened this weekend:
C-Woo I was scrapbooking this morning, and Baby C-Woo saw a picture of you and said, "That's the fairy woman!"
Me Ah! That just made my morning. C
C-Woo It should be noted that it was one of the infamous "ass up in a club" shots.
I mean, there's a lot to be concerned about there, but I'd like to focus on wondering what picture of me going ass up in a club is a logical fit for scrapbooking? I mean, really.
3. Best.Thing.Ever: My mom sent my annual box of fall leaves that she picked out of our back yard. I love my mom.
4. And also: I updated The Nature of Sand. Listen, I know that this blog won't look like I'm on any kind of spiritual quest for the next two months because, well, there's a wedding or a holiday party or a vague excuse to have a holiday party every.single.weekend. That doesn't mean it's not going on, though. That is all.
5. Television Talk! I'm talking about Northern Exposure over on The Nature of Sand. I'm watching season three right now (which either shamus? or halff got me for Christmas last year), which I think is probably the best season. I forget what season it is when that show jumps the shark. It's whatever season it was when Anthony Edwards was on the show playing a boy in a bubble that Janine Turner was dating. But while in season one and season two the show is about the story, in season three the show becomes really metaphysical. Stories about mortality, and words. One of my favorite episodes of all time was the one that I watched on Friday where Marilyn falls in love with a man from the circus who doesn't speak, while Holling and Shelli get into a fight because he "says the wrong thing." And it's a really beautifully done study of how sometimes words get in the way of true emotion. That show was good. In season three, that show was particularly good.
And then, also on Friday night (because I am so old that because I had to do double party detail on Saturday I stayed in to save up energy on Friday), I watched Rock of Love. How did nobody tell me how good that was? I mean, it's certainly no I Love New York, but those chicks are CRAZY. The eighties hair. Brett Michaels new, puffy botox face. The slutty stripper dresses. Catch the marathon. It's worth it.
6. Bonus! A poetry meditation!Hil sent this to me this week "in case things were still hectic", which they for sure are. I meditated on it yesterday and will in the mornings as well. You should, too.
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -- over and over announding your place in the family of things.
I Innundate You With Pop Culture: 90210, MySpace, Blogs and Filipino Inmates
1. Do you ever get sick of my talking about Beverly Hills 90210? I hope not, because watching that show often gives me the same sensation as standing in front of a Cezanne or listening to "The Love of Three Oranges." I don't know that there has ever been a greater season of television than the second season of 90210. It starts in the summer, with the kids on the beach. Then there is the first day of school. Emily Valentine and her crazy stalking of Brendan. The first appearance of Jake Hanson (played by our boy, Grant Show) lusting after a seventeen-year-old Kelly. And then, the season finale where Jim Walsh tells Brenda and Dylan that they aren't allowed to see each other any more. Dylan smashes a bottle of Jack Daniels against the wall, runs out, LEAPS into his Porsche and drives away. Cut to Brenda, distraught, confused, hurt, on the Walsh family lawn, looking after him. And...black screen.
Don't tell me greatness is limited to art from centuries past. 90210 will prove you wrong.
2. What would you rather read while I'm gone? You know, in the great tradition of Jocelyn Loving Jocelyn and believing that you will all kind of wistfully hit your "I Love Paul Jack" bookmark while I'm gone, hoping that perhaps I have found satellite dsl in the wild and posted, I was going to post some non-dated content while I was away. I'm so delusional, right? Right. But in the event that you want to humor me, what would you rather read while I'm gone:
a. I recently found some very old journal entries from back in the day of about four journal incarnations ago. By which I mean "the last time I was single." By which I mean "when I was 23 or so." It's amusing to read them now.
b. Some fiction. Of yet undetermined which fiction, but not the most recent fiction. Something probably from the last three years.
c. Transcribed entries from a journal I keep in which I create imaginary dialogue among my cats.
I mean, really, your move while I'm gone is to follow Trick on Twitter. But if you have a preference among those other three, let me know.
3. So, MySpace: You know, we'll be talking about awesomeness later, but in an effort to collect awesomeness, I was talking to K-Flo and she said:
"Something has happened with the help of this device called myspace... although I am not always a big fan of it, I will sing its praises for the friendships that have been rekindled, lost friends who are now found and the ability to make each other laugh on a daily basis...even when it seems like there is nothing funny in the world!"
I have to agree with her (and about facebook too, moreso maybe). How many wonderful people are back in my life, or more in my life, or even in my life at all, because of those sites? Sure, those sites, can be used for evil. But they can also be used for good, and there's a lot that goes on over there that makes me happy daily. You can decide for yourself if the fact that I posted the following two pictures of J-Flo and K-FLo and then J-FLo and Me from 2002 on MySpace is good or evil for yourself.
If want to play, friend me. If you're not on MySpace or Facebook, pick Facebook.
4. So, Darren's Blog: Right. Is here. And now in the side bar. I'm not sure what one says about the sheer coolness that is Darren and his perfect life other than to simply copy and paste our exchange in the comments section of this blog for you, in case you don't read comments:
Darren: Ah, Jocelyn. How I've missed you. Remember when we went to that gay sex club and you told the straight dude hitting on you that I was your husband and then, separately, I told him that it was okay with me if he jumped you and he said "Dude, you are so open minded!"? Yeah.. good times.
Jocelyn DARREN!!!!!
I missed you too! I often speak of that night in the gay sex club, but usually I'm telling the story about how my friend and your friend went to the kitchen to "get a drink of water" and an entire euphemism was born. I will write you soon and we will all have drinks next time I'm in LA!
5. No playlist, but some YouTube: That playlist crap takes time and I'm listening to opera right now anyway (The Love of Three Oranges). While I enjoy Prokofiev, you may enjoy Filipino inmates who are forced to dance to the choreography of music videos from the 1980s as prison yard exercise. Again, only funny because it's true.
Thriller, complete with some poor inmate who is now the girl inside and outside of the cell.
Feminism, Fitzgerald and 90210: A Friday Five that Doesn't Ramble, and Then Does, and Then Doesn't
I know, I know. I didn't write that condom/sushi story that I promised this week. I will, I will. NFL kickoff week. You know how it is.
1. Friday Literary Intellectualism. Or Neo Feminism. Or anti-Feminism. Take your pick. Let us begin this week with an examination of a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald's seminal novel and study of the innate schizophrenia of the elite class in the French Rivera in the 1920s, Tender is the Night. The quote: "Women are necessarily capable of anything in their struggle for survival and can scarcely be convicted of such man-made crimes as 'cruelty.'"
You know, as I read that quote tonight, I remembered the first time I had read that quote, way back in my freakin' college days. And I remember what a powerful impact that concept had on me. Because it's true. Or as I like to say it, "Women folk are crazy." In my older years, I have come to believe that part of empowering each other as women is not so much to deny our natural state of crazy, particularly since our state of crazy is, in my opinion, almost a direct result of the subjugation of women in society (and, yes, I believe that that subjugation exists almost as strongly as it ever has). I've always been very forgiving of other women's "crazy", even when it was maliciously aimed at me. It is not that hard from me to jump from abhorrent behavior in a women to a statement like, "Yes, but she is young and very insecure, and you can understand why she's insecure because society has told her that she's too big/too dumb/too unlovable/too fat/too unpopular/too unsuccessful. You just have to forgive her and move on." Or "Yes, but look how that man pushed her into impossible situations? I'd be crazy, too." Or "Yes, but she's had to fight to get everything twice as hard because she's a woman. Be forgiving."
And some would say that I am almost too forgiving in that manner. And they may be right. But I do think that as women we can't hold every piece of crazy, irrational, even "cruel" behavior against each other. There are things about the world we live in that force us, sometimes, to act in this way. We should be more supportive of the fact that the world pushes women into bad spots, makes them often do things they are unproud of, or not unproud of because they don't know any other way. I'm not saying that we need to be supportive of each other's craziness. I'm saying that we should hold each other accountable for it, but not point at a woman who has been broken by society/political structures/men and say, "God, CRAZY. She's CRAZY." She's probably neither crazy nor cruel. She's probably a product of something.
And then, sometimes, she's just crazy. That's different.
2. 90210 HEAVEN: I had at one point been reminded that in season two of 90210 there was a cameo appearance from Color Me Badd. Sigh. Happy. And tonight I got into bed and booted el laptop to get some work done and turned on my 90210 dvd in case the episode that was up was something I could listen to in the background. It was not. It was the episode that begins with Color me Badd singing "I Adore" in their MTV video, and thet you realize that Kelly and Brenda are watching the video on TV and then Kelly says, "Best video ever!" God, I had to turn the dvd off because I couldn't concentrate on work with it on.
Also, Man Band! In case you haven't watched this show lately, you should. And I will give up that I just stole this material from K-Yo, who is often funnier than I am. The former lead singer of Color Me Badd is on Man Band. He's the one who used to look like George Michael. Here's a picture:Yes, once he looked like George Michael. Now he looks like he ATE George Michael.
3. Rambling:NFL Kickoff: Is happening. Has happened. I feel suddenly overwhelmed and happily challenged all at one time. Uganda: Is less than two weeks away. NO VISA. Awesome. My Mom: I miss her. I always miss her this time of year when football takes over. KALM: is in town this weekend and we will partay like sorority girls. C-Woo: Got really drunk on jello and Crowne shots. Dork. Funki Franki: Has my heart (and my princess crown) right now. Sushi: does not need to be eaten for dinner two nights in a row. Peyton: hopefully shut you ALL UP.
4. Pookie wants us to enjoy YouTube: Here's one for this week. Pook sends it to me in an email that reads as follows:
Subject: hell yes Body: Only open this if you have sound capability...
I cannot be held accountable for what happens next:)
love, pook
5. Playlist time!
a. Keren Ann, "Lay Your Head Down": I am so in love with this song right now. It's the most fucking beautiful song in the world. I can't stop listening to it. Oh my GOD.
b. Color Me Badd, "I Wanna Sex You Up": As part of our tribute to the band, the legend, the music. Still good. "Girl, you make me feel real good. We can do it till we both wake up." WHAT IS THAT LYRIC?
c. Colbie Caillat, "Bubbly": Come on, it's a cute song.
d. Howie Day, "Collide": Because I haven't be able to stop listening to it (and the live version) since I got back from Denver.
e. Christina Aguilera, "Infatuation": It's not "Dirty," but it is one of my most favoritist xtina songs ever. "I gave my heart away to soon and that's how I became your mother." Yep. But the story and the rhythm are beautiful. And we should celebrate xtina's baby.
I know that I said I wasn't going to be on here, but I thought I'd do the quickest Friday Five ever.
1. Yellow Fever! I hope that none of you ever require a Yellow Fever inoculation. Before getting the shot, the nurse said to me, "This is one of the most painful vaccines you'll ever get." By 2:00pm I couldn't physically move my arm and I ended up crying on my bedroom floor. Why was I crying on my bedroom floor? Because when I arrived home, in excruciating pain, all I wanted to do was to take my clothes off and crawl into bed. Ever tried to take your clothes off with only one functional arm? Exactly.
2. 90210: You wanna know what not to watch when you're in pain and therefore emotional? The "Walsh Christmas" episode of 90210. That's the one where Steve Sanders goes in search of his biological mother (Ian Ziering's FINEST ACTING JOB EVER). Then Brenda meets Santa Clause, Donna and David fall further in love, and against all odds ALL the 90210 cast members end up at the Walsh household for Christmas Eve dinner. I cried like a baby.
3. Ying and the Yang. This is my weekend schedule: Friday Evening: Avant guard punk rock. Saturday Morning: Pilates Saturday Evening: Roller Derby Sunday Morning: Buddhist Meditation Class
4. And by that I mean: When I say avant guard punk rock, I mean this.
5. And also: My friend Greg is off running this right now. How awesome is he? Let's all send him positive energy.
"So...What You're Saying is That You Would Really Prefer If I Didn't Date Other People?": The Friday Five
That's an actual question that I had to ask this week, and I'm pretty sure that my response of laughter after I said it was not what the other person wanted to hear. But listen, people make agreements about how things are going to operate. And there was an agreement made. And that is all. Except, you know, there went my night tonight. Four hours of conversation I'll never get back.
This Friday Five is actually a Friday 10 since there will be no Friday Five next week since I will be up on the top of a mountain (not just any mountain, the highest mountain in the continental United States) getting my bliss on with my favorite Hoosier boys. So we're killing it here, including ten songs on the playlist. Maybe you want to just read half this week and then read half next week when you're missing me? That's fine. Just make sure you read about the bitchwhore contest.
1. Speaking of that Camping Trip: So okay. The best friend of the incredibly cute and amazingly funny newspaper boy says that I'm making a horrible generalization when I say that you should never let men plan anything. But I'm going to say, "You should never let men plan anything." Let me give you some examples of things that happened during our CONFERENCE CALL about last minute logistics for this trip. And fyi, only MEN require a conference call to get shit together for things like this.
"I mean, we maybe don't so much have mountain permits, per say."
"Yeah, I mean, I know that I get in super late, but I guess I'll just run through Wal Mart when I get off the plane and get, I don't know, some granola or something."
"Are you sure it's going to only take us two days to summit this mountain? Because...well, this says three?"
And I responded to all three as follows:
"For fuck's sake, E and I will go up early and get the permits."
"SHUT UP. Just send me a list of what you want to eat and I'll buy it and pack it and bring it in the car with me."
"So, if it's three days, that means that the entire rest of the itinerary is off, right?"
Never.Let.Men.Plan.Anything.
2. Speaking of Men: Oh my GOD. Then, on Tuesday night, I get a call from Big R. "Hey, I have this friend who's a pilot whose flight got grounded and he's in town overnight. Can you go have a drink with him? You'll really like him."
To which I respond, "No ... no. It's already 10:30pm on a Wednesday. It'd be midnight by the time I got there. And anyway, I'm kind of in a situation where that wouldn't be cool, so...just...no."
Except that of course I get talked into it.
HOW ON EARTH DID YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO NOT HATE HIM?
Here is the first exchange that happens within minutes of sitting down.
Him It's important to me that you not get intimidated because I'm so smart. I mean, sure, I have to know all about math and meteorology and physics for my job, but that's just second nature to me. Don't be intimidated by how smart I am.
Me Oh, I'll really try not to be.
But he's a friend of a friend, so even though in real-life that would have immediately warranted an "I have to go now," I stuck it out. And then this gem rolls out while we're talking about hometowns.
Him You know what I love about Pittsburgh?
Me The food? The Steelers? The beautiful rivers?
Him (leaning in conspiratorially) It's a WHITE city.
My God, that happened. Again, because he's a friend of a friend, I make an attempt to parry with some comment about how Pittsburgh's racial diversity is underestimated, though of course what I really wanted to say was something else (like "I like brown"). And while I am tempted to pull out the "I have to go now," I stay. Until this.
I'm telling him the story about how I lost my passport and the hassle it is to replace a passport.
Me I don't know if you've ever lost a passport and had to replace it but...
Him I would NEVER lose a passport because that's an important travel document and I would know enough to keep track of where it was.
Me Sure, but what happened was that I had misplaced my license and had to use my passport for ID for a couple of weeks and ... (and I stop, realizing that I
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