2008 Log
January - 32.5 (thank you crappy flu)
February - 33 (so that also sucked)
March - 59
April - 25.5
May - 44
June
8th - 3 miles
10th - 2 miles
11th - 10 miles
13th - 16 miles
28th - 3 miles
1. Would you believe that ... I am ending the week with my to do list entirely done, except for the item that I need to call Shadalan because she and I seem to play endless phone tag. Endless. I don't know how this happened, because please believe that having a job and running a second business and starting another business and getting ready for a weekend in Denver and then a wedding and then three weeks on the Asian subcontinent is extensive, especially when you were on a mountain with no phone or internet for the previous week. I'm pretty happy.
2. Would you believe that ... this is the actual image from an ad running on Facebook:
And the text that accompanies this ad is "This is pretty gross, huh?". And it's for weight loss. Now, I don't necessarily think that being on the non-anorexic side of things is gross, though I do think that being a size ten and dressing like you're a size four is gross. You wouldn't see me trying to squeeze into a size zero because that size would be too small for my body and I would look fat and messy. But, you know, I can't decide if I find the ad offensive or not, honestly? I mean, I do not think that we need to be dogging on the overweight folks who, in actuality aren't overweight. However, I think we also go too far with the "love your body no matter what" mentality, and the truth is that most people are going to look at some nasty, white trash muffin top and think that it's gross. I might actually applaud the ad for it's honesty. I don't know. What I do know is that that may be one of the most brilliant ads ever because you can't not look at it. It's totally shocking, and I bet it shocks some people into purchasing, which is unfortunate because ...
The other thing I know is that putting a pink patch on your arm with some herbal supplements in it will not cause you to gain weight.
3. Would you believe that ... I'm going to Mongolia in about two weeks? I remember being in high school and dreaming that some day I'd see the world, and now we're riding horses across the desert in Mongolia for two weeks. Crazy, right? I am excited beyond belief. I need an extra camera battery. I need to find a cat sitter. I need to book a flight back from Pennsylvania for after. I need ... to relax about it and let it run its course.
4. Would you believe that ... that there is a bar in San Francisco called "Would You Believe." It's in Chinatown 3 and specializes in mixing Kaluha with ANYTHING. It is the Asian gangster dive bar of all Asian gangster dive bars. The night that shamus and Slappy and I were in there there were actually police trying to track down a gang leader, and only one person other than us who was white. And it is one of my most favorite places on the entire earth.
5. Would you believe that ... the rest of that Kid Rock album is actually pretty good? "How to seek salvation when our nations race relations have me feeling guilty about being white?" That's a pretty good lyric. "Rock and Roll Jesus" is a good song for what it's supposed to be doing. Yeah, I'm going to say it. I liked the album, just hated the single.
I can't deny it, your new summer smash "All Summer Long" has me hooked. I listen to it at the gym. I listen to it in the car. I listen to it at work (though in truth it is on the same mix as the new New Kids on the Block single "Summertime," in which they profess, "Girl, can I get your number? I think about you in the ... summer.") And as I listen to "All Summer Long," I can't help but recognize what a true genius you. Perhaps not even in your musicality, but in your ability to recognize how to monetize the American public. After all, you were the one who introduced midgets into your entourage and made being a redneck gangster a legitimate occupation that thousands of misguided teenagers could aspire to.
I just wonder what the thought process (in your pot-induced but well coiffed head) was as you created the masterpiece of summer party jams.
"Hmmmm - it's been a while since I had a monster hit. You know, the kind that dominates the charts and gets me laid. I mean, not that I'm not getting laid. Just, you know, I'm getting laid by the b-groupies, not the a-groupies. You need to have a hit to get the a-groupies. On the other hand, I like them a little dirty, so the b-groupies aren't such a bad thing. But whatever, I need a hit. Something like 'Cowboy, baby.' Something big...
"Well, the biggest summer hit of all time, ever, was 'Sweet Home, Alabama.' How about I sample that? Hell, why don't I not only sample the song, but actually reference it in the lyrics? Shit, how about I sample the song, reference it in the lyrics, and then actually sing part of the chorus in my own song? That would be awesome.
"That's not enough though. I mean, it's not enough for the kind of HIT I'm talking about.
"What's that guy's name who died this year? No, not that one. The one everybody loved who sang that song where they howl. You know, the werewolf song? Yeah, 'Werewolf of London.' That guy. Warren Zebon or something. Everybody was sad when he died. Everybody loved that song. Let's sample some of that too. That would be awesome. It's like this shit writes itself.
"But you know what? That's not enough. I mean, it's not enough for the kind of HIT I'm talking about.
"Oh! I can't believe that I didn't think of this sooner! I'll just reference pot smoking in the song! There's never been a song about smoking pot that wasn't HUGE! That will put this over the edge. It will be THE summer jam of 2008!
"This shit really writes itself."
Thank you, Kid. Your name is Kid, and you gave us "Summer Jam, 2008." Not even Donnie, Joey Mac, Jordan Knight and those other two guys can stop you.
Oh, no. Oh, yes I am. I'm about to straight up tell you about how I went to the Menudo show at the House of Blues and it was the most fucked up thing ever.
Firstly, you are wondering how I ended up at the Menudo show at the House of Blues, and I am simply going to answer that sometimes strange things happen and on a Thursday night you suddenly find yourself with you gay neighbor, 300 12 year old girls, their parents and Johnny Wright.
So, this is not so much a Menudo show as it as a Bandamonium show, which is like an explosion of b-level boy-bands. HEAVEN. No, seriously, even by my standards of cheesiness this is a stretch. But then something happens that is so awesome, so blog-worthy, so worth having hauled my migraine ridden ass out of bed on a Thursday for, that it all becomes worthwhile.
I suffer through the first two bands. The first is two yahoos named James and Mark who sing sensitive teenage acoustic rock. Next is BEAT FACTORY, who don't so much sing as they do dance, but they dance like there's no tomorrow (tm Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson). It's a little bit painful, but nothing this girl can't handle.
And then ... Menudo. The lights dim, the music starts, the pre-pubescent girls begin to go crazy and Menudo comes out to do their very first number of the night wearing ...
Leather zip-up S&M gimp masks.
I did not just make that up.
It's SO FUCKED UP. These twelve year old girls are going CRAZY over these teenage Mexican boys who are basically dressed up like they're about to kidnap a bunch of the girls in a creepy cargo van and then nail them inside wooden boxes and keep them in the basement for the next five years. I only wish that in that moment I had had the presence of mind to look around at the girls' parents and see if any of them were as horrified at this inappropriateness as I was, or if they just thought that this was par for the course. But I didn't look around to see that, because I was too busy being struck down by the vision in front of me of young girls rushing after Latino dominator gimps.
Oh.My.God.
Sadly, though, I am so numb to this type of insanity that I eventually eased up and started to enjoy the Menudo show. I actually enjoy the song "Save the Night," which you can buy in iTunes. At one point, I actually find myself thinking, "Hey, that sixteen year old Latino kid is going to grow up to be quite the heart breaker..."
And then the unfortunate happens. My mind wanders or whatever and I lose track of what's going on, and when I look back up, a boy who looks like he may generously be around eleven years old is singing to me about what goes on "In the middle of the night."
Oh, NO NO NO NO NO NO. Inappropriateness alert! NO NO NO NO NO! Oh, no. Now I just feel dirty. Ew. I mean, at that age, what's supposed to be going on in the middle of the night for that boy is "I wonder what this sticky stuff in my bed is and where it came from." What should NOT be happening at his age is pelvic thrusting on stage as he describes a more vivid vision of "in the middle of the night."
Right, I know I said Friday, but I really didn't get around to finishing this until this morning.
So, St. Patrick's Day.
(Is that going to be funny every time when I put "St. Patrick's Day" in bolded green font?)
St. Patrick's Day was supposed to be mellow. There was a plan. The plan was that K-Rock, Hott Scott and I were going to run Six Tunnels and then we were going to go see Flogging Molly at the House of Blues that night, have a few cocktails and then turn in. That was the plan. Mellow, more or less. Nobody (by which I mean me specifically, but might mean others) has been in a mood for a rager here in a while. And honestly, I'm okay with that.
Six Tunnels was delightful. Hott Scott insists that we show up at the crack of dawn, which turns out to be not necessary but nice nonetheless because you can see some special sights in an off-strip casino at 6:00am. The run is beautiful, the weather is beautiful, it's a great way to start the day.
Things begin to go wrong right after that. To begin with, I don't get a chance to nap at all between awaking at 5:00am to run and meeting up for pre-Flogging Molly drinks at 5 or 6pm or whatever time we met up. I intended to nap, but I had a bunch of errands to run and it didn't quite work out that way. So I'm already exhausted by the time we hook up at the classy, classy Mermaid Bar at Mandalay Bay in the early evening.
It's fight night at the Mandalay, which means that the crowd is a mix of frat boys who never quit being frat boys ... and Mexicans. And then there are a bunch of hipsters and punks and aged-out punks and Irish nationalists running around for the Flogging Molly show. I was sure there was going to be a race riot, or more accurately a social-class riot, but in the name of St. Patrick everybody seemed to get along just fine.
So, the show. Firstly, the show begins with the single most awesome opening act you will ever see - The Cherry Cokes. Apparently, Irish punk is all the rage in Japan, and so there are now a series of Japaness bands that play Irish punk. I'm not making this up, and also I almost enjoyed this band more than I enjoyed FM. They were brilliant in a completely non-logical way. Enjoy.
And then we meet Teddy.
Teddy is everything you hate about people who answer the question "Where are you from?" with the answer "I'm from Seattle, but me and my band moved down to LA. And then we broke up."
Firstly, let's talk about Teddy's form of introduction. Scottie has wandered off, and K-Rock and I are chilling at the bar when I sense that somebody, somewhere, is WAY too far into my personal space. I turn, and there is Teddy, standing silently and stalkerishly about half an inch from my body. Teddy also looks like everything you would expect from somebody who answers the question "Where are you from?" with the answer "I'm from Seattle, but me and my band moved down to LA. And then we broke up." He has on the obligatory hipster striped Sesame Street reminiscent shirt, the shaggy but still sculpted hair and the kind of "dead behind the eyes but not quite" stare.
Teddy wants FRIENDS. OMG TEDDY WANTS FRIENDS. And Teddy is going to get friends using the most tried and true method of obtaining friends: Round after round of Washington Apple shots. I am having one of those nights where I am immune to alcohol (unlike Friday night of this week, where I had four cocktails over four hours and have now been violently ill for two days), but Teddy is not having one of those nights where he is immune to alcohol, and he gets progressively drunker and drunker.
Now, anybody who knows me knows that I am and have been for a while now a tad bit irrationally hung up on a boy, and Teddy is about the polar opposite of K-Rock's kind of thing, but it's St. Patrick's Day and we're out and about and so we're enjoying the company of our fake, hipster, shared boyfriend, Teddy. That is until Scott comes back. Scott will steal your date straight out from under you at any time in any place. And he turns to Teddy and asks him about what kind of music he plays, and Teddy is gone to K-Rock and I. Hott Scott has stolen our boyfriend, and frankly I'm still a little pissed off about it. Teddy LOVES Hott Scott and his interest in his music and decides to celebrate by buying another round of Washington Apple shots.
And then Teddy is obliterated. He begins obliterated by sidling up to me and saying, "I think you're really pretty and I want us to be best friends forever."
"Really," I say, "Would you still want us to be best friends forever if I were forty pounds overweight and played the washboard in a band for a living?"
Teddy, in fairness, actually takes a solid minute to think about this. And then he says, "No."
At which point, I was going to entertain him and talk to him anyway because at least he was honest, but the band got good and I wanted to listen. And so Teddy moves on to K-Rock and her luscious boobs. And, well, that doesn't go so well because Teddy is so drawn in by the voluptuousness of K-Rock's boobs that he can't help but to reach out and grab them, at which point Hott Scott can't help but to reach out and grab Teddy. And so, Hipster Teddy and his Hipster Ways are forced to exit the night under the heavy hand of the punk rock version of Hott Scott. And what have we learned? You don't grab women's boobs at an Irish punk show unless said women are too drunk to know better and/or don't have their ripped up runner bodyguards with them.
After the show, we head over to the bar at Fleur de Lys to meet up with Al and Sue, who are finishing up dinner. We sit in the bar, having more drinks and truffle popcorn and watching the rowed up testosterone lovers exit the fight. And then Al and Sue join us for drinks and popcorn and then Al says, "I'm a VIP Gold member at the Penthouse Club. Wanna head over there?"
Because what St. Patrick's Day is complete unless you end it with some naked boob hanging over your table and a free bottle of vodka? Screw you and your green beer and leprechaun chicks. We want Stoli and some girl whose resume says "Dancer" and who carries a little purse onto stage with her to put her thong in when it comes off.
It was a good St. Patrick's Day. If I see Teddy's band around, I'll go to a show. There'll probably even be a song called "Washington Apple" in which he laments not having been able to fully realize the passionate love of K-Rocks breasts.
I Am Losing My Vibrant Fertility: A Monday 10 To Get Us Through to Spain
I know. I have read the emails and I miss you all too. Go look at last February and you'll notice that I didn't write much then, either. But I do have a Monday 10. Which is probably more like a Tuesday 10 by the time I get done with it, because I am busy.
1. Why I Heart Joe I heart Joe for many reasons, not the least of which is that he doesn't take shit from me. I heart Joe because he's completely unapologetic for not being wired for relationships. I heart Joe because he's funny. I heart Joe because of conversations like this one:
Me Hey, what would you do if I got all childish on your ass and told you not to call or email me until after I got back from my vacation? Would you be sweet and nice and then send an email trying to figure out why I was so upset?
Joe No. What I would do is to never, ever call or email you EVER again. EVER.
Me That's what I thought. That's probably why we get along. To a point.
2. New Allies CD: If you haven't picked up the new Allies cd yet, you should. Rock with harmony. I wish I could give you a link, but well...I can't find one. But you can email Pook if you want a copy. I don't much care for the first track, but I love everything after that. And I'm old, so, you know. It really is good. Especially the third track. You know, Allies is the re-making of the LEGENDARY Pittsburgh rock group Pikadori. I'm just saying.
3. Why I Love Candy: Because I went batshit crazy with anger while I was home and sent a series of insane pissed of texts to her because she was who was there to listen. Thanks, sweets. That couldn't have been fun for you.
4. Oh, by the way...Madrid. Yes, I'm leaving Wednesday morning. Some people are asking, "Why Madrid for this birthday?" Well, yes, two reasons. The first is that usually my birthday is such a spectacular time, and last year it was COMPLETELY SHITTY THANK YOU VERY MUCH CHARLER. Anyway, I want to reclaim it. The second is because my OBGYN actually said to me at my annual exam in December the following, "I see that you're turning 34 this year. You know, that's considered to be your last year of vibrant fertility. After that, you actually fall into the high risk category if you get pregnant."
I only wish I were making that up. He used those words. "Vibrant fertility." And I kind of figured that if what I'd basically done is make a lot of life choices about traveling and partying that may or may not have taken away the baby dream, I should really blow it out for my birthday. And so that's what we're doing.
Princess D, Lis, Larry - I'M SO EXCITED! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SUCH A RIDICULOUS TIME.
5. Other People Whose Stuff Online Is More Entertaining Than Mine: You should listen to my friend Brent in Montreal doing his morning sports radio show. 8-9am EST on Mondays. That's 5am PST for my west coast people. I understand that most of my west coast people are not compulsive insomniacs and 5:00am isn't a time when you've already been up for half an hour, but if you are (or if you're on the east coast), you can listen by clicking the (don't mock me for being obvious) listen link here. I promise he's more entertaining than anything I've written lately.
Then again, I'm about to leave for Spain, and trips like that usually result in good stories.
6. Dear Trick: That is EXACTLY why I have a blog. Except that I'm not allowed to blog about the "unfortunate incident" since not everything is resolved yet. So expect an email full of stories of my poor behavior and its unfortunate outcomes. Love you, mean it.
7. Why I Heart Old People: I was seated next to this sweet, sweet old man at the fight on Saturday, and he spent the night telling me bad jokes and playing memory retention games with me.
What's Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O'Furniture
What do you call a homosexual Irishman? Gaelic
What food cuts your sex drive in half? Wedding cake
It went on like this. Also, can you name seven sports teams (NHL, NBA, MLB) whose team names don't end in "s"? Fun times.
8. Why You're Jealous You're Not on this Spain Trip: Because you're not doing this with us, as suggested by Jen's sister, who lives in Madrid and gave us the 411:
9. I already know... that I need to take the Christmas song down off of my MySpace page. Thank you for the reminders. At this point, it's really a matter of principle to see how long I can leave it up. Kind of like my mother's holiday tree.
10. I'm out of material: Let's be honest, I've been out of material since item number 8. Oh, I know!!!! Enjoy the Sarah Silverman "I'm Fucking Matt Damon" video. That step segment is priceless.
Hit It: A Tuesday Five Before We Break Back Into Holiday Coverage
1.OH MY GOD THE RIVERS CUOMO RELEASE DROPPED TODAY!!!! MY DOWNLOAD FINGER COULDN'T HIT THE BUTTON FAST ENOUGH. Don't call me. DON'T. I will be listening to this album all day every day for the rest of the week because it is AMAZING.
2. C-Woo has a blog now! It's in the link list and you can access it here! And I'll probably be referencing it all the time because I always reference her MySpace blog, which you can't see and which I hear may be going away even though apparently we've all told her not to bail on MySpace. So, anyway, enjoy.
3. Happy Valentine's Day. Listen, given the givens of the "complications" of my life right now, Valentine's Day was going to be interesting anyway. But now, now it will not be. Because what I will be doing on Valentine's Day is going to my DUI arraignment. Yes. That will be my Valentine's Day. A courtroom. Special thanks, by the way, to Moon for gently guiding me on this. Wanna know how much love my friends show? Here are some responses when I informed them that I'd be spending Valentine's Day in court.
Said Pookie: "I'll take you out to dinner...or, um, deliver it to your holding cell ;)" (Could you, Pook? Could you do that? Awesome. Maybe even a bottle of wine.)
Said McD: "I'll send you a heart-shaped box of chocolates. With a file inside." (Clever.)
From Darren: "What's the problem with that? Bring a date to the Courthouse. Or better, make your lawyer your date. Offer "Valentine favors" dependent upon the level of his success in the courtroom." (Moon might kill me since he recommended my lawyer. Or he might be infinitely amused. Hell, for all I know, he recommended this guy thinking he'd probably get laid with me as a client.)
From Princess Dee and Big E: "Erik, 'man on the bright side' said that maybe you will meet a great guy also there for the same thing in court that day. And then have a good time with him, but then ditch him because of SMOS. He catches on quick." (I don't even know what to say to that.)
Perhaps, though, the following story is my favorite story. I didn't have time to email the person who shared it and confirm that I could attribute it to them, so I'm leaving it anonymous though said guilty party is welcome to use the comment function to let you all know that he's the rock star being referenced in the story. The story is even funnier if you know that the person who's telling it has a house, a responsible job, three kids and just sent out a holiday card of his family swathed in argyle:
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, at least you didn't have to get picked up from jail by your pregnant wife at 3 am.
I think we were married about two months and Mrs. Anonymous was definitely looking for the return receipt on her husband after that one. Luckily, I beat it in court, which it turns out is pretty easy with a good attorney. Of course, the whole experience cost me about $2500, so now I consider it my tuition into adulthood."
(But I don't want to enter adulthood, tuition-based or otherwise).
4. Ashleigh: By the way, left for her fourth month bike race for charity down the West Coast of Africa. I'm so freakin' proud of her for getting out there and living it. Send her positive vibes please.
5. This ... is what I found in my inbox from Ferris the other day. I wanted to argue that Prince has never done anything that was a crime against music in his life, but, well, I mean. I think the video speaks for itself.
FYI - I am too old to go to midnight movies on a school night. I am tired today. I am on cat nap number four and it's only noon. But you're going to ask me what I thought of The Golden Compass, aren't you? I mean, you know, I think it was as well as they could adapt that book to a movie. It was nice to see a lot of the fantasy characters and the armored bears come to life. But you know, when you love a book like I love that book, the movie is NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. But I do think it's worth seeing. It's short - only two hours. Nicole Kidman looks STUNNING in every shot and it better get an Oscar nod for costuming. It was worth feeling like ass today.
1. I Fall Somewhere Between....So Pookie sent me this link. I fall somewhere between "Lover Boy" and "Hunk Next Door." Yes, that's clearly a recipe for disaster. Apparently, I want a man who looks cool while washing his car in the driveway but also really, really, really needs me. In actuality, I want neither of those things.
2. Broken Social Scene - I've been listening to them a lot lately. I think that they are neither the "Lover Boy" or the "Hunk Next Door." That is all.
3. Holiday Check In - By the end of the weekend, unless you work for Pregame.com (in which case I am holding your stuff until right before your holiday party) or live in Pennsylvania, you will be DONE! Letters went out the day before yesterday. Everybody in San Francisco is finished. Everybody in LA is finished (more or less). By the end of the weekend, if I need to mail your package, you are finished. I feel, you know, pretty good. And tired. And a little broke!
4. Birthday Madrid Trip: Dear Lis,
How DO you do it? I am already stressed out about trying to keep everybody happy on this trip. Love, Jos
5. Remember When Pookie Had No Computer? How long ago that seems. Now, my day is a series of IM's from him that include links like the one above and endless YouTube videos. But I don't care, because he sent me this YouTube classic, which took a HORRIBLE day (yesterday) and turned it around for me:
There's so much good in this video: - The Clap Track that EVERYBODY does, even those seemingly random females - The look on Rick James' face after he obviously just snorted coke - The shirtless guitarist behind Eddie Murphy - The way Eddie Murphy consistently looks away from the camera because HE IS TAKING HIS MUSIC SERIOUSLY
And, the best part, as pointed out by Pook, is how Rick James rushes out and grabs a bass guitar during the last ten seconds of the song -- as though it is suddenly needed.
1. Things That Happen Without My Brain Realizing It: This is something that actually happened this week. I stopped at 7-11 on the way home from the gym the other day to get some bottled water. I was on the phone at the time. On the phone, to the other person, I'm actually saying "I don't get it. I'm not running like training running, but I'm running hard and I'm running consistently, and I still feel like I'm putting on my annual holiday fat." And then I look down and realize that even as I'm talking, I'm taking Reese Cups out of the package and eating them before I even took them to the cash register. True story. When I get back from Texas on Monday it's going to be five straight days of running to matter what anybody says or does. For real.
2. Speaking of Texas: It's where I'm headed tomorrow through Sunday for Paul and Kari's wedding. Here is what I will say without saying much, and also making it clear that I am in no way talking about the bride and groom. You know what's amazing? It's amazing how when a large group of people are all friends and stay friends for a very long time, which is true of this particular group of college friends, things change yet they stay the same. By which I mean that drama changes targets. For example, there is a girl who is invited to the wedding whom I cannot stand. And there was some drama about to brunch or not to brunch, and I was IMing with another friend from the group who at one point really liked her. And he was all like, "Oh YEAH - that thing she did to person x at the Kolodny wedding? I refuse to be around her after that." And it was funny because it's the same story that did her in in my book, too. But at any given point in the decade long history of this group of friends, that attitude could have been about a dozen other people. Ah, the nature of life.
3. Holiday Check In! Do you love the holiday theme? You do, you know it. I feel like I'm in good shape with the holidays. I mean, sure, it's almost 11pm on the night before I leave for a trip and I'm not packed and need to give myself a manicure, but I feel like I'm in good shape. I almost don't know what to do with the extra time. Oh, wait. I'll do a Nature of Sand entry because there's one that's been dying to get out. I love this time of year.
4. Have You Seen This Kathy Griffen Special? It's so effing funny. There's this whole bit about how apparently all child molesters, if you watch To Catch a Predator, must LOVE iced tea. It's really, really funny. I love her so much.
5. But Where Is Your Blog? I know. Not so much with the updating. But it's busy time. I'll be better next week.
6. You can amuse yourself with a Friday playlist though. Here's what I'm listening to this week.
a. Mariah Carey: All I want for Christmas. Which is also my ring tone right now, though my ring tone if the remixed version with Little Bow Wow rapping about the holiday.
b. Sara Bareillis: Gravity: The whole album is good. It's not as good as the Alicia Keys album, but it's great. That "Love Song" song is great, too, but this is my favorite. "Set me free. Leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity."
c. Alicia Keys: The Thing About Love: And this, in my opinion, is the best track off of the new Alicia Keys album. Okay, maybe not musically, but lyrically, it's lovely Kind of Beatles reminiscent in some of the chords, actually.
d. Ingred Michaelson: The Way I Am: Let Go is actually my favorite song from her, but that albums been quite soothing this week.
e. Finger Eleven: Paralyzer: Don't laugh. "This club will probably be closed in three weeks. That would be cool by me." I love those dudes.
Because I am so busy I cannot even fucking see straight. Literally. You know when party planning becomes insane? New Year's. Which is also conveniently football season. Which is also conveniently holiday season.
1. Buy the New Alicia Keys Album: Do it. Do it today. It's amazingly, amazingly good. It's her best work ever, and all of her work is good.
2. Though I am Busy, I am Also Manic Right Now: So shit is getting done. At 10:20pm on a Thursday, my joint is clean, my laundry is done, I am almost "even" with my work to-do list. I wrapped four Christmas gifts tonight (and wrapping is a production for me when I start this early). Shit is getting done.
3. Deanna is in town! And we are going to eat something fine.
4. Dear Shank: I hope that your surgery doesn't suck too much today. I made you something special to give you next week. That's what I do for broken people. Love you! Mean it!
5. This weekend: I will, at some point, watch the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special on dvd. Beautiful.
5b. Dear Mom: Thanks for making my lost contacts problem less of a problem. You are THE BEST MOM EVER.
iPhones, Strippers, Counting Crows and Breakdowns: Friday Five!
1. True Tales of the iPhone & Strippers: How does the iPhone change your life? Like this. So last Sunday night, PPG had a party, and at the party there was supposed to be a stripper. And the specific type of stripper requested was "A Black girl, big on the top and big on the bottom." At 2am, I got a call from the clients that the stripper who had showed up was a small, Asian girl. So I had to get out of bed at 2am and head down to the strip to deal with swapping the girls out.
And when I get down there, I have to sit for half an hour while I'm waiting for my big-bodied Black stripper to arrive. And I'm bored. So I get out my iPhone.
I have this very dear friend Jen whom I love, love, love. Jen and I boxed together. Jen and I traveled to Budapest together and maybe next week I'll scan all of the wonderful photos of us at a fertility festival in Pesc or in a bathhouse in Budapest or recovering from a crazy birthday party we had in a place called Old Man's Pub. I love Jen, but a few years ago she moved to Russia to "do the good work" that she does. We still keep in touch. There are gaps, but then there are a flurry of emails and it's always more like resuming a conversation than starting a conversation.
So, I'm sitting there, miserable, waiting for the big-bodied Black stripper to arrive and I decide to check my email on my iPhone. Jen has emailed me a link to this - an article in the New York Times about her husband, who is also doing "the good work" as a lawyer in Russia. And because I am on my iPhone, I open the link and read the article in full glory-sized screen with amazing graphic resolution. And then because I am on my iPhone and it is the middle of the night here so the middle of the day in the Motherland, I can text and email with Jen real time for a little while, which we rarely get to do.
The iPhone. It brings me and my dear, dear friend in the Motherland closer.
2. Another Story of Vegas Party Planning: On Saturday, I also have to hustle my booty out of bed in order to deal with a limo "situation." The situation is as such: It's all very complicated. Because of the complicated system of "tips," kickbacks, payoffs, under the table money and such, what typically happens is that we meet up with the limo driver about 20 minutes before the client does to make sure that everybody was, is about to, or will be taken care of. Yes. This is my life.
Anyway, the limo driver that we're using on this particular night is not a limo driver that we've ever used before. He's in his fifties, originally from New York, a fun guy. We have a good time hanging out while waiting for the client and talking. We talk about the limo driver's daughters - who are, and this is important, MY AGE.
As the clients are coming out, I say to him, "Can we call you sometime if we need an extra driver?"
And he looks at me and says, "As pretty as you are, you can call me any time. How about dinner next week?"
Now, when you are female and you touch the "entertainment" industry in Vegas in any way, there is only one response you can give to this. It's to smile nicely and dodge the situation. Which I do.
And then...driving home. I have a breakdown. I call RJ and launch into the following:
"OH MY GOD - A FIFTY YEAR OLD JUST HIT ON ME. I DON'T MEAN HIT ON ME IN THE INAPPROPRIATE SMARMY WAY, I MEAN IN THE LEGITIMATE, HE THOUGHT IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO HIT ON ME KIND OF WAY. IS THIS MY FUTURE? AM I THIS OLD? ARE FIFTY YEAR OLDS GOING TO HIT ON ME? OH MY GAWD. MY YOUTH IS OVER."
I mean, ignoring the fact that I'm going out with a 27 year old who JUST TURNED 27 THIS WEEK. That was my reaction to that. I haven't been right since.
3. Speaking of Dating People Who Are Too Young for Me: You know you're going out with somebody too young for you when you say the following at their birthday dinner. "I know that you're too young to remember this, but Counting Crows was actually a pivotal band for me."
4. And...Go! Starts Now. I sadly watched last night as $1200 exited my checking accounts for air tickets to San Francisco, Austin and Pittsburgh. I had a twinge, but then I remembered how much fun I'm going to have on all of those trips. So, basically, I alternated between stress and excitement. That's pretty much my life right now.
5. Something Else to Look Forward to: Apparently, Captain Morgan and I are going to dress like slutty elves for Pookie's annual Christmas party. I'm going to see if I can convince Dana to join us. We'll see.
And...GO! A Friday Ten In Which I Give Up on the Rest of the Year
Ha! Do you like how I stopped the Africa updates right before the three single best days of the trip (lions, gorillas and zebras?). I actually have a rare 20 minutes of down time right now when I should be trying to clean out my inbox, but let's just update instead. There are many, many things going on right now.
1. I LOVE STRESS: I mean, I probably don't love the way that it ages me, but I do thrive on it. The good thing about the current levels of stress is that it comes at a time of year when I habitually get manic anyway. I'm averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night right now. You would think that with 20 hours of awake time a day I'd have time to answer people's emails or return phone calls or not bail on social engagements. Ha! Here's what I'm balancing right now:
- A stressful job transition that's also resulted in some bad mojo for some people who work/ed with me. So I'm basically working about 12 hours a day, on a good day. Literally, my day starts at 7:30am. Around 4pm, I go to the gym for a couple of hours, and then around 7pm I start working again. Usually until around midnight.
- November is NOT party season in Vegas, but we're determined to make our revenue goal, so finding people who want to party in Vegas during one of the months of the year when NOBODY parties in Vegas is hard.
- You know it - it's holiday season. I have a shopping list of 120 people plus a card list of about 300, and you know that the majority of that card list gets that custom, special letter that Pookie and I do together which is 3x the work of a card and 10x the expense of a card. And you also know that of that 120 people a lot of them get things that I make, and though I made 35 of something during the summer, that's still a lot to do. The good news is that I have "the spreadsheet" completed. The bad news is that I also have three months of late birthday presents that need to be sent out as well. Viva!
- I AM OUT OF SHAPE: Which means I'm running like a beast. I'm not sure how it happened. I was underweight before I left for Africa, but still in good running shape. I didn't gain weight in Africa, but I also didn't run. And then when I got back, I didn't get right back to running, and I ate a lot of pizza, but it wasn't all that out of control. But when I went for my first run back this week, I was sucking air at four miles. Not good.
- AND THEN I HAD A PANIC ATTACK ABOUT MY SCHEDULE. Literally, a breathing issue panic attack. I did my calendar, and I realized that between the time I got back from Africa and the week after New Year's, I had only two weekends where either I didn't have an out of town trip scheduled or I have people in town. One of those weekends is this weekend, and one is either the weekend of December 8th or December 17th, depending on which weekend I do "Holidays in LA." After Africa I had Halffington in town, then the eight million nieces PLUS Jess's bachelorette, this weekend is blissfully off. Then November: the first weekend Matty and Jess get married, the second weekend I am going to Vancouver, the third weekend there are LA girls in town, and the fourth weekend I'll be in New York for Thanksgiving. Then there is December: the first weekend I'll be in Texas for Paul and Kari's wedding, one of the next two weekends I'll go to LA, then I'll be home in Pittsburgh for the holidays, then I'll be in Arizona for New Year's. When I looked at that schedule, I had a panic attack. Because, if you're following, I have no down time during the week right now. There's nothing I'd want off that schedule though. So I'll just buckle down and make it happen.
Here's the most awesome thing about that schedule though. So the other day I was having lunch with this boy I really like (and who I think really likes me) and he said, "Yeah, I'm going to be out of town the next two weekends."
And I immediately made my pouty face like I was so offended that he wouldn't want to spend time with me so badly that he'd leave a weekend clear. And he looked at me like I was the world's biggest hypocrite and said, "We're both really busy people. That's how it is with people like us."
AND I TOTALLY CONTINUED TO MAKE MY POUTY FACE LIKE I WAS 100% IN THE RIGHT. Which is, you know, ha ha ha ha ha ha, because if the question had been reversed and he had asked me what my weekend plans look like in the near future, I would have been all like "Yeah, why don't you talk to me in January. That's when it looks like things clear up for me."
Awesome.
And so I am stressed. My plans this weekend involve locking my door, closing my curtains, turning off my personal phone (but leaving work phones on, sigh) and chilling out - even if chilling out means that I'm actually doing work, just doing it in the comfort of my (now clean!) home. There will be crockpot action. There will be outings to the gym. There will even be laundry (which I find peaceful and relaxing - the sound of the dryer running in the background while I look at spreadsheets). There will be reading. There will be holiday crafting. THERE WILL BE ZELDA. And by 7am on Monday morning I will be refreshed.
And by 10am on Monday morning I will be in exactly the same stressed out, maxed-out place I'm in right now!
Listen, this is me saying I love everybody, but anybody who knows me knows that I go dark in November and December, and this year will be worse because of additional factors. Don't hate. Just know that when I'm not emailing or calling, I'm wishing that I were. If you are on Facebook then you get more action from me. That's all I'm saying.
2. A Little Ditty for the Marketers: Yeah, sorry, this is only funny if you've ever run a marketing department before, but since a lot of you have...
Me So, you know, I would need the data on x as it compares to y in order to decide what I wanted to do with that situation.
Other Person Um, yeah, the only way to get that data is manually.
Me You mean, like, read it and enter it into a calculator?
Other Person Um, yeah.
Me But...but...it's housed in a database!
Other Person Yeah, but there's really no way to easily ... let me just get you a calculator.
Let me tell you, there's some automation about to happen here. I can't think of a LESS useful way to spend my time than manually transferring data.
3. A photo that makes my photos look lame: It's seriously like Mr. Holland's Opus in Pittsburgh. I'm not even joking. My little bro just out-ghetto'ed me. "Mr. J" wins. I don't even know what to do with this.
4. Car! Detailed! Yes, finally. For those of you who have been following the saga, a can of Pepsi exploded in my car earlier this summer. The car needed to be detailed before that, but after the can of Pepsi exploded, it REALLY needed to be detailed. You know how sometimes things make it on to your to do list and then just keep getting moved to the bottom because it's such a hassle?
Then a couple of months later, I accidentally left some batteries in the car during the high heat and they leaked. Then the car REALLY REALLY needed to be detailed. However, not so much, apparently, that it rallied my ass out to get it detailed.
Then LAST WEEK I was on my way to a meeting and I hadn't eaten yet so I tried to eat sushi in the car. And at a red light, I went to open the little packet of soy sauce and it exploded all over the inside of the car.
But you know what finally got me motivated to get the car detailed? My tags have been expired for OVER A MONTH NOW because I've been too lazy to get my smog check done. The last time my tags were expired I totally got pulled over for a moving violation and had to eat the other $150 fine for having expired tags. So I finally got my car into the Saturn dealership. Exciting!
And then today I mailed in the smog check and the tag registration and was so excited that those things could be moved off my to do list.
And then I got home and opened my mail, only to find out that my lack of paying attention had meant that my driver's license had expired and I forgot to renew it, so I'm now driving on a suspended license. HOT.
I am a HOT MESS people.
5. Can we talk about SMOS briefly? You know how every year around this time, when things start to get crazy busy in my world, I start this lecture about how "I REALLY need to do something to slow the pace of my life down?" And then I go into this whole inner turmoil about how I would benefit from slowing myself down, but my nature is to live fast and big and I'd hate to have missed out on any of the things I would have missed out on if I didn't live that way? Well, can I say that in many ways this year I failed to slow the pace of my life down (see the two month schedule above as Example A). However, SMOS has totally made me slow down at least a section of my life. I have the most lovely, wonderful, beautiful men in my life right now. And if I had been going at my normal pace, I'd be well ensconced in another relationship by now and would have missed out on a lot of wonderful things I've learned. So, I'm saying, SMOS is the best thing I've ever done for myself. I did have a little bout of "single insecurity" going on the other week. And Shimmy reminded me that that's the point. As she said, "You need to become secure in the insecurity." She is so zen.
Slowing my life down will, once again, be something about myself that I try to work on in 2008. The other one will be trying to be at my best even when I'm not motivated or not inspired, which is something I learned this year is a weakness of mine. That is all.
6. I went through a phase this week where... I couldn't stop lusting after Luda. Yep. Sure did. I mean, like, talking about how hot he was all day long to anybody that would listen. Then Pookie drunk IM'ed me, and he sent me a copy of "Sexy Motherfucker" by Prince. And then I couldn't decide who I thought was sexier. Here, ponder for yourself.
7. The best thing you won't hear on my public playlist this week. You won't hear it, because I can't find a copy to put on the playlist, but there's a 2 DISC cd set of mashups of Britney and/or Madonna songs that made it down the girl chain from Ang to Shimmy to me. All the mashups are good, but there are two I just leave on repeat and listen to over and over again. One is a mashup of Missy Elliot's "Pass That Dutch" with Madonna's "Holiday", and the other is a mashup of "Holiday" with D-Child's "Make Me Lose My Breath." AND THOSE TWO MASHUPS ARE SO GOOD. You should totally try to find them online somewhere if you can. I can't stop listening.
Also, why do we love D-Child? It's because of lyrics like this: "Ooh Two things I don't like when I'm trynna get my groove - Is a partner that meets me only halfway, and just can't prove - Take me out so deep when you know you can't swim- Need a lifeguard and I need protection- To put it on me deep in the right direction. Ooh You understand the facts that I'm trynna give to you- You movin' so slow like you just don't have a clue- Didn't momma teach you to give affection? Learn the difference from a man and an adolescent It ain't you boo, so get ta steppin'"
Secondly, here's a conversation Halff may not have wanted to be made public. He and I are in the car (unfortunately pre-detailing job) listening to said cd (disc 2!).
Halff These mashups are way better than the original Britney and Madonna songs.
Pause
Halff and I Simultaneously Except for "Holiday." That's a great song on its own.
What have we learned? Mash any song with "Holiday" and everything gets better.
8. Cat Blog! This is honestly how fat Sly is. This is how he's sitting: He has his back paws on one chair, his front paws on another chair and his HUGE GUT is actually hanging between the two chairs. I am a bad mom!
9. Because I need a number nine ... Listen, I'm going to come clean here. Because the Rockies are Ry's favorite team, I always put $5 on them to win the World Series at the beginning of the season as a show of faith to him. The odds at the beginning of the season were, like, 30 to 1. I'm sorry. I know so many of you are Red Sox fans, but mama wants a pair of $1300 snakeskin Versace shoes she saw the other week. Go Rockies!
10. And a playlist! When I get super stressed like this, the music sounds more like a nightclub. Why? That's so obvious. Because nightclubs are where I reduce stress. Here's what we're listening to in Jocelyn world right now.
"Do It Well" - J-Lo: OHMYGOD! How much do I LOVE the new J-Lo single WITH a breakdown from my boyfriend Luda? I've been warned that if I don't stop playing and dancing to this in the work environment there will be a boycott, but IT'S SO GOOD. I work to it, I do laundry to it, I run to it. It's the best thing EVER. Or at least recently. You can't even listen to this and then listen to "Gimme More" and take Britney even a little bit seriously. I LOVE J-LO.
"Lose My Breath" - D-Child, "Pass That Dutch" - Missy Elliot and "Holiday" - Madonna: Okay, I can't give you the mashup, but I can give you all three singles and you can imagine. And dance. You can imagine, and then you can dance.
"Sexy Motherfucker" - Prince: "In a word, it's you I want to do." Or, better yet, "I want to get to know you, tell me what you do, what you eat...I might cook for you."
"Sexy motherfuker, shaking that ass, shaking that ass."
"End of the Night" - Luda: I mean, I could have picked any song here. He sounds smooth and sexy on anything. That is all. If for no other reason, this song is on because of these lyrics: " By the end of the night you gon' be wantin to marry a nigga Cause I make 'em erupt like volcanoes, you just shake and you shiver Get 'em up, get down, turn around and put your face in the pillow Cut 'em up like Jason, just face it that boy Luda's a killer Half man, half gorilla, beatin all on my chest Pleasin all of your flesh, squeezin all on your breast Givin you reasons to rest, and ain't never say no to papi Wake 'em up like Folgers cause I fold 'em like origami Hey mami let's get it poppin like Orville Redenbacher The way you move once you started nothin could ever stop ya Sweeter than Betty Crocker, and I'm ready to belly flop ya Just mention today but for now I forever gotcha"
Yep.
"Great Pumpkin Waltz" - Vince, Guaralid: Okay, so you'll only get a snippet here, but I've been listening to the whole thing. You know how I love my Peanuts holiday dvds.
Oh, God, come on, that's awesome how I just transitioned from Luda rapping about dirty sex to Charlie Brown. Give me points!
Special Extra Bonus Item! So I can't sleep (shocker) so I log into Facebook because I notice that AshleyPooh has tagged a new photo of me. It is a photo of me and my niece Stephanie "recovering" on my couch the night after all of these photos were taken. Nice, Ashley. Thanks for bringing this picture to the public. I really think the comment I left Ashley on Facebook says it all, which is, "Why would you post this? I look like I just spent five days doing crack."
Which is also what I felt like because my body doesn't recover from staying out all night two nights in a row as quickly as it used to. But I have no pride, so I'll share.
An Africa Interlude: A Friday 10 In Which I Surely Cannot be Pregnant
What's sad about the intrusion of a Friday Five here is that the next Africa entry is one of my absolute favorites, and it's very entertaining and it would have been a fun way for people to kind of wrap up the weekend with a funny story about how lazy I can be and how Lisa basically won. But I feel like there have been no real updates on ME lately (ha). And it's been a strange week. I've had lots of change thrown in my face. Upheaval, really. Some hard decision making. So, some of this is short, but it's really a Friday 10 to maybe not catch us up, but cover some things.
1. Meandering: In the face of some change, and some young'ins, I updated The Nature of Sand. Which is to say that I pontificated in a circuitous manner and indulged myself by blogging it.
2. Just for Pookie: I rarely point to the thankful journal, but today's entry is special and just for Pookie, so I want to be sure he notices it. Here's today's thankful entry, baby brother.
3. Gay or Douche Bag? This is a new game that Larry invented for us to play on the Strip. I think the game is pretty self explanatory, but in case you don't get it, you basically grab your cocktail and sit in a casino (or a club, or the airport) and try to identify who's gay and who's just a douche bag. You have no idea how fun this is, or how hard it can be.
4. The Joel Robuchon Mansion: Was unreal. I want to say that the caviar course was my favorite, but the veal was amazing. Also the shellfish course was amazing. Oh, and the mushroom course was amazing. But oddly, there was a palette cleanser of a soy bean risotto that was actually our favorite. I just salivated.
5. Eddie Vedder: It was like 1992 all over again, except not since there were no music downloads in 1992. I rushed to my iTunes account the day the new Eddie Vedder was released, and it is good. I don't know that I'll be able to watch Into the Wild, because the book alone sent me into a fit of depression for a week, but the soundtrack is beautiful. I heart Eddie Vedder.
6. G-Mail Chat Poetics: I have once again translated mine, Paul and Dex's gmail status indicators into a poem for you. In this case, it worked out to pretty much be a haiku.
Nintendo's Bitch - Paul Nintendo Widower - Dex Nintendo's White Slave!
7. Where is my period? This is what we're all asking. I'm sure it's just stress related. I have a zit, a headache and a backache, so I'm sure it will be here any day. Given that it's a week plus late, I didn't drink tonight, just in case. And then you know how it is, the later it is the more you worry and the more you stress and the later and later it will be. And then you find yourself saying things like, "I mean, it would be nearly impossible," but then you do the math and "nearly impossible" is not "impossible." This is my brain right now with every minute that passes with a zit, a backache and a headache but no period. Hi, mom!
8. Later on...when my period comes and we're all like "See, it was just the travel and the stress of all the other unexpected changes when you got back," I'll tell you about all of the other crazy stuff that's been going on in my head as the days drag by and I get later and later.
9. See, now I've stressed myself out: This is the cycle. I know I probably have nothing to worry about, but as soon as I start thinking or talking or writing about it, all I can think about is how freakin' late I am.
10. Let's watch a video instead. This is probably only funny to you if you've ever worked in a corporate marketing department and dealt with corporate design issues. And usually there's only one corporate "design" issue. And it has to do with...logo size. If you've never worked in a corporate marketing department, this is not so funny. If you have, well, you'll laugh your ass off.
Feminism, Fitzgerald and 90210: A Friday Five that Doesn't Ramble, and Then Does, and Then Doesn't
I know, I know. I didn't write that condom/sushi story that I promised this week. I will, I will. NFL kickoff week. You know how it is.
1. Friday Literary Intellectualism. Or Neo Feminism. Or anti-Feminism. Take your pick. Let us begin this week with an examination of a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald's seminal novel and study of the innate schizophrenia of the elite class in the French Rivera in the 1920s, Tender is the Night. The quote: "Women are necessarily capable of anything in their struggle for survival and can scarcely be convicted of such man-made crimes as 'cruelty.'"
You know, as I read that quote tonight, I remembered the first time I had read that quote, way back in my freakin' college days. And I remember what a powerful impact that concept had on me. Because it's true. Or as I like to say it, "Women folk are crazy." In my older years, I have come to believe that part of empowering each other as women is not so much to deny our natural state of crazy, particularly since our state of crazy is, in my opinion, almost a direct result of the subjugation of women in society (and, yes, I believe that that subjugation exists almost as strongly as it ever has). I've always been very forgiving of other women's "crazy", even when it was maliciously aimed at me. It is not that hard from me to jump from abhorrent behavior in a women to a statement like, "Yes, but she is young and very insecure, and you can understand why she's insecure because society has told her that she's too big/too dumb/too unlovable/too fat/too unpopular/too unsuccessful. You just have to forgive her and move on." Or "Yes, but look how that man pushed her into impossible situations? I'd be crazy, too." Or "Yes, but she's had to fight to get everything twice as hard because she's a woman. Be forgiving."
And some would say that I am almost too forgiving in that manner. And they may be right. But I do think that as women we can't hold every piece of crazy, irrational, even "cruel" behavior against each other. There are things about the world we live in that force us, sometimes, to act in this way. We should be more supportive of the fact that the world pushes women into bad spots, makes them often do things they are unproud of, or not unproud of because they don't know any other way. I'm not saying that we need to be supportive of each other's craziness. I'm saying that we should hold each other accountable for it, but not point at a woman who has been broken by society/political structures/men and say, "God, CRAZY. She's CRAZY." She's probably neither crazy nor cruel. She's probably a product of something.
And then, sometimes, she's just crazy. That's different.
2. 90210 HEAVEN: I had at one point been reminded that in season two of 90210 there was a cameo appearance from Color Me Badd. Sigh. Happy. And tonight I got into bed and booted el laptop to get some work done and turned on my 90210 dvd in case the episode that was up was something I could listen to in the background. It was not. It was the episode that begins with Color me Badd singing "I Adore" in their MTV video, and thet you realize that Kelly and Brenda are watching the video on TV and then Kelly says, "Best video ever!" God, I had to turn the dvd off because I couldn't concentrate on work with it on.
Also, Man Band! In case you haven't watched this show lately, you should. And I will give up that I just stole this material from K-Yo, who is often funnier than I am. The former lead singer of Color Me Badd is on Man Band. He's the one who used to look like George Michael. Here's a picture:Yes, once he looked like George Michael. Now he looks like he ATE George Michael.
3. Rambling:NFL Kickoff: Is happening. Has happened. I feel suddenly overwhelmed and happily challenged all at one time. Uganda: Is less than two weeks away. NO VISA. Awesome. My Mom: I miss her. I always miss her this time of year when football takes over. KALM: is in town this weekend and we will partay like sorority girls. C-Woo: Got really drunk on jello and Crowne shots. Dork. Funki Franki: Has my heart (and my princess crown) right now. Sushi: does not need to be eaten for dinner two nights in a row. Peyton: hopefully shut you ALL UP.
4. Pookie wants us to enjoy YouTube: Here's one for this week. Pook sends it to me in an email that reads as follows:
Subject: hell yes Body: Only open this if you have sound capability...
I cannot be held accountable for what happens next:)
love, pook
5. Playlist time!
a. Keren Ann, "Lay Your Head Down": I am so in love with this song right now. It's the most fucking beautiful song in the world. I can't stop listening to it. Oh my GOD.
b. Color Me Badd, "I Wanna Sex You Up": As part of our tribute to the band, the legend, the music. Still good. "Girl, you make me feel real good. We can do it till we both wake up." WHAT IS THAT LYRIC?
c. Colbie Caillat, "Bubbly": Come on, it's a cute song.
d. Howie Day, "Collide": Because I haven't be able to stop listening to it (and the live version) since I got back from Denver.
e. Christina Aguilera, "Infatuation": It's not "Dirty," but it is one of my most favoritist xtina songs ever. "I gave my heart away to soon and that's how I became your mother." Yep. But the story and the rhythm are beautiful. And we should celebrate xtina's baby.
A Friday Five In Which I Close the Month With Strippers
1. I am the coolest girl you'll ever date: This is an actual exchange that went on this week.
Runner Boy Via Text We're still on for Friday?
Me Via Email YES! But, um, how do you feel about drinking at the Wynn for at least part of the time? I have to do stripper control and maintanence for a party around 10 or so (by which I mean pay the girls, walk them up and make sure nobody is overweight). After that I'm free.
Runner Boy Via Email Let me make myself clear. I have asked you out on a date and you have counter offered with drinking at the Wynn (one of my favorite hotels), hanging out and "judging" strippers (I have a brain......so no comment), then enjoying the rest of the evening with just you after 10pm. Gosh Jocelyn........DUH!!!!!! :-)
It's true, I am officially the coolest girl you can data. Viva SMOS.
2. Speaking of Strippers: I thought you might enjoy this story. We're planning a party for some bachelors this weekend, and they want strippers in the room. So I call them and say, "Can you be more specific about exactly what kind of girls you want?" They need to think. They need to call me back. And when they do, this is what they want:
"We'd like one blond girl with REALLY big boobs. Once exotic girl, and one Black girl with a great tush."
Listen, if I'm not going to be part of the solution, I'm at least going to capitalize on the problem.
3. A Story of a Camera: This is another story of fun times in LA last weekend. I don't know why World Famous in SF doesn't allow permalinking, which would make this easier, but shamus? tells the story better than I do. Suffice it to say that a camera was taken, incriminating pictures of shamus? looking like a fool looking for his camera were taken and then hyjinx ensued. Click here to read the story, because it's awesome. It's the August 28th entry.
4. Rambling: I have less than 20 days until Africa and still have no visa. I like the excitement of waiting, is what it must be. And I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to 24 straight hours of flying. Football season, who needs it? Twitter: Best thing since MySpace! Facebook: Better than MySpace. BankofAmerica=BankofEvil. My iPod: Jamming.
5. Friday Playlist. There's no playlist at all this week because, really, there's only one song that we should all be listening to. And it's here. I don't feel right inside right now.
Friday Six: Tattoo Wisdom, Champagne, Social Injustice
1. Because I enjoy being financially tight but exceptionally well-traveled: "We're going to Madrid in February" somehow turned into "Some of us are going to Madrid in February" and "Some of us are going to Seville in April". So I'm just going to call it now - That means no more travel plans for '08, because that's Spain twice and then Mongolia in the fall and that's about all this girl can handle until she becomes a full on lady of leisure. Bitches better plan some parties.
2: Big Josh wants to drop some wisdom: And in case you were wondering, Big Josh is from Diversity Tattoo where I just got my new one done. He wants you to know that "People love to get hurt by the people they love - it makes them strong." I might say that it only makes you strong if you choose to let it make you strong. It's pretty easy to hide from it and let it make you weaker. And I think that you know who you are.
3. Actual quote from my mom to C-Woo: "I always say that Joel's going to save the world, and then Jocelyn is going to buy it from him."
That's fucked up, mom. It implies that after saving the world, Joel would embrace capitalism.
4. Notes from Partay World: So ToniK rolls into the office with five bottles of embarrassing pink champagne that each cost more than you probably pay in rent or mortgage per month. I mean, like each bottle INDIVIDUALLY costs more than you probably pay in rent or mortgage each month.
Me There are five bottles there.
Toni Yeah, they added two people, so I figured we'd need the fifth bottle.
Me They only approved four bottles though, you know.
Toni Right, well, I figure they won't have a problem with it, what with the extra people and the fact that they have more money than God. But you know, if for some reason they don't want the fifth bottle...
Me Then you and I are about to have an awesome evening in your backyard with your dog, a pizza and a bottle of champagne that costs more than you or I pay in rent or mortgage a month. Hot.
5. An important social question - discuss: One might think that the important social question would be "Is there something wrong with a world in which one can buy champagne that costs more than a person's rent or mortgage?" No, the important social question is:
Which of the following has contributed more to the stripping away of people's dignity? Is it:
a. The mere existence of YouTube. See the following as an example.
Or is it....
b. The industry that is Bollywood. See the following as an example.
Discuss. Let me know.
6. And a play list: I've been musically (and mentally, and emotionally, and physically) all over the map this week, so this play list is literally the six (since this is a Friday six) songs that went through on my iPod while I was writing this. "I'm crazy," is what this playlist says.
a. Oasis - Fucking in the Bushes: This is the song I start EVERY RUN I'VE EVER TAKEN with. It's the most motivational piece of music I know of. That may say something about me, I suppose.
b. Jack Johnson - Bubble Toes: I love me some Jack Johnson and everybody knows it.
c. Seasons of Love - Rent: What's funny is how there are two motivational songs on this list. One about fucking in some bushes, one about moving through life. Ha.
d. Jackson Brown - Sky Blue and Black: I think that the "I'm Alive" album is one of the greatest albums ever recorded. I really do. I'm not sure why more people don't think that. Cory convinced me to buy it one day back in Bloomington and I've never stopped listening to it.
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