Seriously. I'm doing this database install that I thought would take me an hour, but my sql skills are not what they used to be and I'm going to be here forever waiting for things to run, so I thought I'd write.
I've been thinking a lot about reading lately. I was thinking about it the other day while having a conversation with my mom, who loves to read, and whom I remember as being an avid reader. And she said that she hadn't read a book in months. And then there were some Facebook posts here and there in the last couple of weeks from people, people whom I remember as being lovers of the written word, mentioning how little they "get to read" these days. Like, really, a lot of posts about that. Not one or two. A lot.
And then I went to see "Book of Eli," which is not the greatest movie that you will ever see. Nor is it the most subtle because the message of that movie is that religion is REALLY GOOD. Except that that's not really the message, because if you can stick it out until the last fifteen minutes then you learn that the message of the movie is about the importance of the written word as a way of preserving and potentially salvaging what we are as humanity.1
And I don't buy this "I don't have time to read" crap. And I think it's important that we reverse this trend. Though I can understand how it's happened. We have busy lives, and when we pause from them ever so briefly, it is much easier and SEEMS much more relaxing to stare at the television or the laptop. Heck, it probably is actually more relaxing. That doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. The average person is online upwards of 13 hours a week for PERSONAL use. If you read 200 words a minute (average) that means if you got offline for ONE HOUR you'd be able to cover about an entire chapter of a average print size book with 20 page chapters.
I used to have this thing that I would say to people who complained about being out of shape. It was all life coachy and all. It went something like this: "For all the things you're worried about controlling in your life (cause you KNOW 90% of everybody whom I hang out with is a control freak), the two hardest things you'll ever have to get control of are your own mind and your own body. Because the mind is healthiest when it's active, but it naturally desires to be resting. And the body is healthiest when it's active, but it naturally desires to be on your couch."
I think I probably said it better back then.
And we treat the whole "body" activity thing like it's really important (or many of us do). We take what we eat seriously. We go to the gym. We do these things because it's important to be healthy. But I think we're starting to forget that it's important to be smart, and to work out our brains, too.
And it doesn't count if you're reading Facebook. And frankly, it doesn't count if you're reading Cnn.com or (the antiquity) of a newspaper, or somebody's blog (though that should in no way imply that you should not read mine). I'm talking about reading books -- and on a Kindle is fine if you must. Books in which complicated themes, and sometimes simple ones, are explored on levels that a blog post or a newspaper article can't being to touch. Books that are about inner dialogues so that we can think about our own inner dialogues. Books in which people experience and build relationships with each other so that we can develop models for our own relationships with people, and the world, and ideas that we may or may not agree with. Books in which the writing doesn't *have* to be explanatory and therefore can often be beautiful and change the actual language that we think, and sometimes even speak, in to one that brings us closer to understanding ourselves and the universe around and inside us. Books that are not necessarily written in the last five years so that we can understand what it is that our culture came from. Books that will make you think about yourself and what you want and what you believe in. Books that use words to describe feelings and therefore make us better at describing our feelings. Books that teach us empathy.
Books. They're as important as jogging. Seriously.
Now, there are not many things that I do better than most of you. You do not want to ask me about how to paint, or sing, or fix a car (or anything mechanical, really). You probably shouldn't ask me about raising children, because just this week I fed two small children an entire bowl of cupcake icing. I would not advise asking me questions pertaining to American history or higher math. We know after tonight that you do not want to ask me about manual database installs, and for sure we understand that you wouldn't want to ask me for relationship advice (though, shockingly, people do with alarming frequency). But here is one thing I do better than probably 99% of you: Unless it is midnight and I have literally been gone since seven in the morning, I read a minimum of 10 pages a day FROM A BOOK whether I want to or not.2
It's true. I do. Obviously, some days I read more. But some days those 10 pages are hard, and boring, and I'm not in the mood, and I'd rather be on my couch watching the twentieth rerun of "CSI Miami" that week. But I do it anyway. Just like I work out every day, even if it's just for 10 minutes on the Wii. And I get it, because I don't always want to read those 10 pages. It's so much easier to go mentally digest somebody's Facebook note. Or to scan the headlines on eonline. Or to turn on the tv. Those things, at base, ARE more relaxing. Because the mind's natural inclination, just like the body, is to rest. When in fact, you will feel better in both cases when they are properly worked out.
And it concerns me that so many people I know whom I would describe as "people who love to read" really.just.aren't. So many distractions. So many other directions to point your mind. I get it. I do. I'm susceptible to it too. But, as with many things, if we don't keep reading...why will the children? If we don't present reading, and the value of books, as important, why will they ever think that they are? And honestly, as corny as this sounds, with Oprah leaving network TV, who's really going to be the advocate for the importance of reading? That's a loss whether we want to admit it or not.
It's January. I can guarantee that 50% of all people I know just made some bold pronouncements about how they're going to work out more and eat better. That's awesome. How about we all make some bold proclamations about just reading a chapter a week. Or something like that. Look what happened when we all stopped working out and going to the gym and playing sports and WALKING places. Second fattest nation in the world. Do we want to stop reading because why would we want to read when there are so many more easily digestible ways to absorb information these days? That's awesome. Because then eventually we can be the second stupidest nation, too.
Please, make it a priority to read this year. Even if it's just one book through to completion. Even if it's hard. It's important. I'm about to start At Swim-Two-Birds. Maybe you should read it. We could discuss.
This is my plea for more reading in 2010. It's important.
1 Here's the thing, by the way, about that movie. Without giving spoilers away, man, the fact that the entire thing is contextualized around the King James Bible really just kind of makes the whole movie unfocused. Is the movie about God and his message to Eli? Or is the movie about preserving culture through writing? I'm not clear, and I've been thinking about it for DAYS now.
2. Inevitably, when I said everybody has time to read, at least a handful of people rolled their eyes and said "She doesn't have kids. She has no idea what busy is." And that angers me. Know what my favorite Sex and the City episode is? This one. I don't know what you think I do all day, but it's not run around and get massages and manicures. Just because I live differently than you do, it doesn't mean that I live more easily than you do. That is all.
There will be updates this week. But let's start out with a fiver. Unfortunately for you though, I am not so much bringing the funny this week as I am bringing the reflective. I think we'll be back to the funny next week because I'm going out a lot this week. It's hard to be funny when you're sitting in your joint with your friends and a two-four (which is what the Canadians call a twenty-four pack of beer) watching basketball. That doesn't bring the funny, and I know it.
1. Shut the hell up. I love the new Kelly Clarkson album. It's the only thing I've played this week. Period. That's not true. I'm still playing Antony and the Johnsons at night, but Kelly is on at work and at the gym and while I'm getting ready in the morning. I'm even singing along to "I Do Not Hook Up", and we all know nobody will take that seriously coming from me.
2. Shut the hell up, part deux. I don't want to hear about the Panthers. Don't want to hear it. Yes, I'm bummed. But no, they did not deserve to win. They *should* have won by about 15, but sloppy, lazy play. I was upset. I actually bailed on plans after the game because I was that upset. I guess that leaves me UConn and Nova, because I really want a Big East win.
3. Dollhouse: Sure, I'll agree that it's starting to feel more like a Joss Whedon show. And I'll even admit that the plot it starting to drag me in. I might say that an episode where a hidden drug causes everybody to go oogly googly and act strange rings a little true of Joss pulling out an old Joss trick, but whatever. I'm still underwhelmed. I actually fast forwarded through parts this week. That's not right.
4. Literary Break Down: So, I finished American Pastoralthe other week. I can see why Trick loved it and A-Train did not, because they both see the world in very different ways. I very much had both experiences. There's a section in the middle that felt, to steal from Simon Cowel, a bit indulgent and made me ponder quitting. But the final two sections of the book were worth working through it. It does cause me pause to think about family constructs and how the very fact that a unit is a family can cause a person to interpret things entirely differently from an individual than they would if that person or situation existed outside of their family. We are both more forgiving and more demanding of our families, are we not? But also, I don't know. I think there is a generational element to that novel. A datedness because so much of the surface of the story is about the idea that there can be an ideal. That there is a paradise that can be lost. I'm just not sure most of my generation believes that. I mean, we believe we can find the right person, raise children, be satisfied, but I'm not sure we believe in the American Dream so much any more. So because of that, there are parts of this book that may not resonate as strongly as they once would have. A part of you says, "Well OF COURSE it all fell apart on you. What else were you expecting?" I think that the naive nature of the The Swede that once probably endeared readers to him maybe is now more of a reason to feel as though perhaps he got a bit of what he deserved. I'm trying to dig up somebody 15 years older than I am who read this book to ask. Holler if you know somebody.
I've moved on to Michael Ondaatje, which is pretty much like reading poetry in prose form. After the harsh and glaring prose of Roth, it's like taking a bubble bath in soft words.
5. I miss my girlfriends: That, I've realized, is what I'm missing the most from Vegas. And not just my Vegas girlies, but also my L.A. girlies who visited lots and being able to get to Denver in an hour flight where K-Yo and Princess D are. I miss pictures of us acting stupid and Thursday pottery painting and...I think I'm going to have to visit sooner rather than later. There is, I'm starting to realize, a very big difference between a Canadian girl and an American girl, and someday I may be brave enough to tell you what it is. In the meantime, I'm listening to that Tom Petty song a lot.
Today, we will begin with classic literature and work our way down to American Idol. Start where it suits you best.
And for the record, I am only watching the Oscars because of the hotness that is Hugh, and also I just gained EVEN MORE love for Meryl Streep who basically just all but said on the red carpet, "I really didn't give a shit about what dress I was wearing tonight."
1. Heroes and Gender I read this lovely, lovely section of American Pastoral this weekend.
"But to wish oneself into another glory, as a boy or a man, is an impossibility, untenable on psychological grounds if you are not a writer, and on aesthetic grounds if you are. To embrace your hero in his destruction, however -- to let your hero's life occur within you when everything is trying to diminish him, to imagine yourself into his bad luck, to implicate yourself not in his mindless ascendancy, when he is the fixed point of your adulation, but in the bewilderment of his tragic fall -- well, that's worth thinking about."
Well, yes, it is worth thinking about. And I don't pretend that this is a fully flushed thought, because I don't have time for fully flushed thoughts these days. But I do find it some precise writing that it is pointed out that this is a phenomenon specific to "a boy or a man", though I suspect largely that that is driven by the fact that Roth's book is quite specifically a book about a journey that could only be had by a man. But women, oh how different. We would almost prefer to embrace our heroes during their descent to the human level. Oprah gets fat and we love her all the more. Princess Diana is cheated upon and becomes twice our hero for surviving it. Michelle Obama appeals to us because she is both strong and weak (we love her stories of the struggle of being a wife of Obama). The most popular girl in school, no matter how great her perfections, is secretly hated until we see her fall. Isn't it odd? Women want our heroes when they are becoming closer to human. Men do not. I think the steroid explosion is an example of this. How quickly those indescretions are overlooked in order to keep the "hero" alive. Even in the heart of the exposure of just how badly he abused steroids, the male population (and I speak generally, not specifically please) followed his quest to be the all time home run leader as though it weren't happening. Men want heroes. Women want comrades. Why is that?
(editoral note: Dear Hugh Jackman - I'm not sure you entirely had me with your Oscar opening number until you bellowed "I'm WOLVERINE at the end of the song.")
2. Dollhouse= Yawn House I've watched both episodes. I want to like it. I *really* want to like it. I don't want to hold it up against other Joss Whedon creations and say "Yep. Not as good."
I don't like it and it's not as good as "Buffy", "Angel" or "Firefly".
Here's the straight up thing. This is an action show with a heavy element of conspiracy (see: Terminator the Sarah Conner Chronicles. See Dark Angel. See The Pretender. See X-Files. See 24 (though without the sci-fi element). See a long, long list of shows). The fact is, there are people who write those types of shows much better than Joss Whedon. Should the guy be stuck writing ensemble cast, relationship-driven, clever dialogue sci-fi forever? No, of course not. But if he's going to come out of his box, it needs to be with something better than this if he doesn't want to hear the comparisons. Between cable and network, there are at least a dozen shows in action right now that do what he's trying to do, but better, and if this show didn't have a Joss Whedon tag on it, it wouldn't even be in consideration to get an order for the back set of episodes. I love Eliza Dushku too, but for her to carry the series, she'd have to have a character. A character that has no personality of her own is going to be hard to build a series around. What's the anchor there, you know? And I also just want to say that I said before even seeing episode one of this show that though I loved Dushku, I'm not sure a situation that required her to show acting RANGE would just not work.
Will I keep watching? For a while at least. Because it's Joss Whedon and I expect for this show to get good at any moment.
But while I'm at it - an episode about a person being used as human prey by a crazy hunter in the woods? Ice T has done the definitive version of that. Don't mess with it. Yours won't be better. Seriously. It's like trying to cover a Michael Jackson song, which Simon Cowell will tell you never to do.
(editoral note: I mean, I love Meryl Streep too, but did the Oscars need to be the Meryl Streep tribute show? Enough already.)
3. Speaking of Joss Whedon... My bedtime DVD watching this month has been Buffy, Season 4. And I am reminded that there have been few hours of tv better than Hush. People always speak of seasons 3 and 5 of Buffy as being the superior seasons. Season 4 has its issues. It's a show trying to find itself again after losing Angel and Cordelia and leaving the structure of an adventure that happened within the universe of high school. It doesn't hold up as well as a full season cycle as well. But I think it has some of the best individual episodes. How talented to you have to be as a story teller, a director and a cast to make an hour of television with only 10 minutes of dialogue hold a viewer enraptured? And Wild at Heart,Something Blue and Super Star? Those are great episodes.
(editoral note: Yep. 9pm and I'm bored of the Oscars already. But I do REALLY miss the anual San Francisco Oscar party. Hi, guys.)
4. A Life Without Football ... Is only being saved by college basketball. But I'm in my annual post-Super Bowl Funk. I actually turned my phone off for an entire weekend (hope all those texts weren't urgent!). And yes, it's really a "turning 35 funk," but we'll call it a post-Super Bowl funk. It's really both and we know it.
(editorial note: Steve Martin should guest star on Thirty Rock).
5. American Idol - But where are the hotties? There's nobody for me tostalk yet. It's like the year of the nerd. And I'm usually hot for nerds, but not during Idol. Oh, okay, even during Idol (see Ellion Yamin). I'm still hoping though.
I think it's fair to say I'm not afraid of the long book. Look at my reading list. You'll see that.
I think it's fair to say I'm not afraid of classical literature. My favorite non-contemporary literary era is Restoration.
As you may or may not know, I'm attempting to read all 100 novels on the Time Magazine list of the 100 best novels of all time. And yes, the list is debatable. And let me say, my first six off of the list were quite enjoyable.
As I got through the book and realized that I was hating it, hating it in such a way that it took me three months to finally finish it, I kept thinking, "often, in a book like this, the final twenty pages make everything before it worth it."
I'm sure it's quite the study of social classes in its era. But it's not done creatively, or even compellingly, or with any type of character development. Why is this on the list?
That is all. I've moved on to American Pastoral by Phillip Roth and am already much happier.
So, forty years later, I finally finished Schulz and Peanuts. First of all, depending on how you feel about biographies, this one is particularly good even if you don't take into account my love of the subject matter. David Michaelis writes biographies like he's writing fiction, so you're compelled into the story. Maybe just a touch too much historical contextualizing in the first 150 pages or so, but I'm sure the argument could be made that it's there because the importance of cartoons is so lessened in the year 2008 from Schulz era that it's important to make you understand that.
Anyway. Charles Schulz was a very sad man, which you already knew if you've ever read a Peanuts strip or two in your life. The truth is, I almost regret having read the biography because, well, it's much harder to like him now. And also in truth, I feel bad for not liking him because much of what makes him unlikable has to do with the fact that he was a little bit crazy. But mothers die, fathers have hang-ups, lovers reject you, wives are not perfect at all times, children need affection. These are facts of life, and his inability to deal with them and lack of work to make himself able to deal with them is not the picture of a loving man who dispensed philosophy across the board to an entire world. Sometimes, it might be better to not know that somebody has had an affair, or made their children feel alienated, or actually didn't give much of a crap about the magical home his wife created for him.
So many times during that book, I wanted to reach out and grab him and shake him and say "Get some medication!" or "Just deal with it!" I imagine, from what I read, that there were a lot of people who felt the same way over the course of his life.
There's an entire chapter dedicated to the making of "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown." It's actually an amazing chapter about the decision to use children's voices and the fight over Linus' speech from the gospel and how the network hated the special when they saw it. Even if you don't read the book, you may want to consider downloading the chapter on the Christmas special only.
You know that he died on the exact same day that his last strip ran, right? The universe is crazy. Crazy, I tell you. And also always right.
1. Not Good for Headspace: Here is a list of people who should not read Into the Wild.
a. Parents of children, period. a.2 Parents of children with restless spirits (ie: my mom)
b. People with restless spirits. b.2 People with restless spirits who just got back from Africa and want nothing more than to go off grid for a while. (ie: me)
Yeah, there's a Nature of Sand entry in the works. That is all.
2. In Case You Missed It: In case you are the ONE person in the world who missed it when I posted this on the MySpace page of everybody in the world, I give you the most priceless screenshot ever. It's the face of Marie Osmond, America's sibling sweetheart, as she crawls through the spandex clad, straddled legs of her dance partner on Dancing with the Stars. Enjoy.
Also, yes, I'm heartbroken that Jennie won't be in the finals.
3. Speaking of Sibling Sweethearts: Mine hosts an annual holiday party. And I bought this to wear to it this year.
4. Speaking of Elves and Princesses: Princess D was in town the other day and she had Big E with her (whom I totally adore and support as a boyfriend). And we had lovely Russian food at Red Square and talked about all of the things in life that happen to people when they're, you know, living. And I love them. And here is what they said should make the blog afterwards:
Big E You think that guy over there is hot, don't you?
Me Sure do.
Big E He's so rico suave though. He's probably an asshole.
Me You know, Big E, the thing about SMOS is that you don't so much have to worry about their personalities.
Listen, that's the exchange that THEY picked for the blog update. I had nothing to do with it.
5. How manic is manic? It's, well, manic. Between 12am and 4am on Monday, I reorganized my closet so that, like a mullet, it is business in the front and party in the back. On the left side, all of my work and casual clothes, organized by tops and bottoms and then by color family. On the right side, all of my party clothes, organized the same way. Shoes and purses and scarves and hats organized the same way. That's right. Some might say that if you're a manic insomniac, you should get a lot of productive stuff done. I, in fact, organize cabinets. Fun times.
I will be posting all of the Vancouver stories tomorrow, you know, after I upload the eighty million "drunk eye" photos for your enjoyment.
And hiking photos.
A random, very random, five to start.
1. Holidays! I have started putting the traditional list of suggestions for things to buy the women in your life together. If you, as a woman or a man who likes women's things, have received anything spectacular that you would like to recommend, you just feel free to email me and tell me so that I can include it.
2. Gorillas in the Mist: I finally finished reading it, and I had a moment where I cried on the plane. I should not have read that book so close to having returned. All I could think about was the horror of gorillas being slaughtered. I am still not right after that trip.
3. More Northern Exposure Wisdom: From the episode "Things Become Extinct." God, this season is good. I hope my mom can enjoy season one and season two enough to get to this season, because it's brilliant. "Things Become Extinct" is really about the way phases of your life end. The person that you were becomes extinct and you become somebody new, and stories continue either way. And in the middle, Chris says this:
"'In the middle of the journey of my life, I found myself in a dark wood Where the straight way was lost. Oh, it is hard to speak of what I saw there, Which even in recall renews my fear. So bitter is it that death is hardly more.'
That's Dante, folks, writing of his own midlife crisis.
That's the fourteenth century. Six hundred years have passed and we're still into it. It's at that midpoint in our personal continuum when our delicate lives hang in the balance. We look behind us and see how far we've come, and we realize that our past isn't a solitary trail through secret woods but a vista as big and expansive as the ocean itself with our experiences stretching to the horizon. Like tiny dot-like sailboats, sucked up into the enormous sea. "
Now, that, people, is some television writing.
4. Go Steelers: Damn, my team is good this year. Chargers? 5-4 is good enough for a one game lead in the AFC West? That's embarrassing.
5. I like her BECAUSE she's a drunk: Did you catch this priceless piece of Amy Winehouse trying to sing at the MTV Europe Video Music Awards? It just makes me like her more.
Feminism, Fitzgerald and 90210: A Friday Five that Doesn't Ramble, and Then Does, and Then Doesn't
I know, I know. I didn't write that condom/sushi story that I promised this week. I will, I will. NFL kickoff week. You know how it is.
1. Friday Literary Intellectualism. Or Neo Feminism. Or anti-Feminism. Take your pick. Let us begin this week with an examination of a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald's seminal novel and study of the innate schizophrenia of the elite class in the French Rivera in the 1920s, Tender is the Night. The quote: "Women are necessarily capable of anything in their struggle for survival and can scarcely be convicted of such man-made crimes as 'cruelty.'"
You know, as I read that quote tonight, I remembered the first time I had read that quote, way back in my freakin' college days. And I remember what a powerful impact that concept had on me. Because it's true. Or as I like to say it, "Women folk are crazy." In my older years, I have come to believe that part of empowering each other as women is not so much to deny our natural state of crazy, particularly since our state of crazy is, in my opinion, almost a direct result of the subjugation of women in society (and, yes, I believe that that subjugation exists almost as strongly as it ever has). I've always been very forgiving of other women's "crazy", even when it was maliciously aimed at me. It is not that hard from me to jump from abhorrent behavior in a women to a statement like, "Yes, but she is young and very insecure, and you can understand why she's insecure because society has told her that she's too big/too dumb/too unlovable/too fat/too unpopular/too unsuccessful. You just have to forgive her and move on." Or "Yes, but look how that man pushed her into impossible situations? I'd be crazy, too." Or "Yes, but she's had to fight to get everything twice as hard because she's a woman. Be forgiving."
And some would say that I am almost too forgiving in that manner. And they may be right. But I do think that as women we can't hold every piece of crazy, irrational, even "cruel" behavior against each other. There are things about the world we live in that force us, sometimes, to act in this way. We should be more supportive of the fact that the world pushes women into bad spots, makes them often do things they are unproud of, or not unproud of because they don't know any other way. I'm not saying that we need to be supportive of each other's craziness. I'm saying that we should hold each other accountable for it, but not point at a woman who has been broken by society/political structures/men and say, "God, CRAZY. She's CRAZY." She's probably neither crazy nor cruel. She's probably a product of something.
And then, sometimes, she's just crazy. That's different.
2. 90210 HEAVEN: I had at one point been reminded that in season two of 90210 there was a cameo appearance from Color Me Badd. Sigh. Happy. And tonight I got into bed and booted el laptop to get some work done and turned on my 90210 dvd in case the episode that was up was something I could listen to in the background. It was not. It was the episode that begins with Color me Badd singing "I Adore" in their MTV video, and thet you realize that Kelly and Brenda are watching the video on TV and then Kelly says, "Best video ever!" God, I had to turn the dvd off because I couldn't concentrate on work with it on.
Also, Man Band! In case you haven't watched this show lately, you should. And I will give up that I just stole this material from K-Yo, who is often funnier than I am. The former lead singer of Color Me Badd is on Man Band. He's the one who used to look like George Michael. Here's a picture:Yes, once he looked like George Michael. Now he looks like he ATE George Michael.
3. Rambling:NFL Kickoff: Is happening. Has happened. I feel suddenly overwhelmed and happily challenged all at one time. Uganda: Is less than two weeks away. NO VISA. Awesome. My Mom: I miss her. I always miss her this time of year when football takes over. KALM: is in town this weekend and we will partay like sorority girls. C-Woo: Got really drunk on jello and Crowne shots. Dork. Funki Franki: Has my heart (and my princess crown) right now. Sushi: does not need to be eaten for dinner two nights in a row. Peyton: hopefully shut you ALL UP.
4. Pookie wants us to enjoy YouTube: Here's one for this week. Pook sends it to me in an email that reads as follows:
Subject: hell yes Body: Only open this if you have sound capability...
I cannot be held accountable for what happens next:)
love, pook
5. Playlist time!
a. Keren Ann, "Lay Your Head Down": I am so in love with this song right now. It's the most fucking beautiful song in the world. I can't stop listening to it. Oh my GOD.
b. Color Me Badd, "I Wanna Sex You Up": As part of our tribute to the band, the legend, the music. Still good. "Girl, you make me feel real good. We can do it till we both wake up." WHAT IS THAT LYRIC?
c. Colbie Caillat, "Bubbly": Come on, it's a cute song.
d. Howie Day, "Collide": Because I haven't be able to stop listening to it (and the live version) since I got back from Denver.
e. Christina Aguilera, "Infatuation": It's not "Dirty," but it is one of my most favoritist xtina songs ever. "I gave my heart away to soon and that's how I became your mother." Yep. But the story and the rhythm are beautiful. And we should celebrate xtina's baby.
1. Sometimes I can be a mean bitch: Though usually only when provoked. Almost always only when provoked. But when provoked, I will tear your shit down like you can't imagine unless you've experienced it. You have no idea, really. How is it that Catwoman was once described in a review by one of her employees? "Demeaning, Devaluing and Demoralizing?" Always remember that she and I went to the same school, I just learned better how to put the sugar coat on top if I had to.
And sometimes there are things that a thankful journal is insufficient for giving thanks for. And this is the case today. Because when you have had the kind of day that culminates in your slamming your laptop closed, screaming at people in a meeting to go fuck themselves and storming out of work to go home at 11:30am, then spending the day screaming at people over the phone and crying on your couch because you're just.that.angry, you can't really be thankful in the form of just one photo. When what happens is that you then end up going out to drink with your friends and you do nothing but laugh for three hours about things like people's sex videos on their phones, a story about a pinky ring that ends with somebody saying, "What? Did it end up in her butt?" and a hundred million inside jokes, you realize that even though Vegas was never supposed to end up being, "Yep. I live here. In Vegas," it's ended up being amazing and you've found a wonderful group of people whom you love and who love you to surround yourself with. And great business parters even if they infuriate you some days. And you are very, very thankful. And, as ugly as they are, you can see all of the pictures here. But here are a couple of my favorites.
So I guess I'm saying that I'm thankful that Vegas has given me bounty in the desert in so many ways. Enough ways that within three hours I was able to completely turn one of the worst days in months around. Grateful!
2. Why are you not on Twitter? Because the rest of us are having so much fun over there. Go join. Now please.
As a side note of unrelated issue, only coming to my mind because that link takes you to my Twitter profile, I've written a lot of online profiles of myself, but I believe my flickr profile, which I finally entered this week, takes the cake. Enjoy it. 3. Other People's Writing Again: Some good things this week. Okay, actually one major thing of note, and that's that Hil has finally put some of her own poetry up on Big Sky Mind. You should read it. And absorb it.
4. And I cried, and cried, and cried: I read the last 50 pages of The Amber Spyglass while floating in the pool, and thank the Lord I was in a body of water because I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. Heart wrenching. I don't want to give spoilers because I know that several people are reading those books based on my recommendation (which is really K-Yo's recommendation so thank her), and the last 50 pages are really the last 50 pages of about 1200 pages of story and I'll ruin everything if I say anything. Except to say that I CRIED LIKE A CHILD while reading the ending. Tears, sniffling, loud freakin' sobbing. There were moments in that book where I was like "He absolutely wouldn't end this that way." But he did. And my heart broke a little. By the way, I'm going to tell you now that while the movie will be fabulous I'm sure, I promise you it will not be the emotional experience that reading the books becomes. But if you're curious, here's the trailer:
I'm moving on the the Fitzgerald books next. What a great reading summer.
5. Friday Playlist! Here's what I was listening to on the way to and from the mountain, and what's held on since I got back. I think it was a good music week.
a. Sullivan Street - Counting Crows. This is a live version and it's beautiful. Hilary, because she really wants to support me in my effort to stay single for the next six months, also sent me a beautiful Counting Crows song this week that I've been listening to called Goodnight LA, but I couldn't find a download for the play list. Anyway, we all know that Counting Crows can make you feel and that Adam Duritz is an amazing lyricist. Here are the lyrics to Sullivan Street.Here are the lyrics to Goodnight LA.
b. Whistle for the Choir by A Fratellis. It's just really a lovely, lovely song. Here are the lyrics. I could listen to it all day.
c. Desperately Wanting by Better than Ezra: I've also been listening mostly to Get You In and Briefly. Really, that whole cd. Desperately Wanting is a great song though. You know, I popped that cd in on the way home from the mountain and was all like, "Man, this cd is not as good five years later," but then I got to the part of the cd with Get You In, Briefly and Desperately Wanting and I remembered why I loved that cd so much.
d. Love's Divine by Seal: Still one of my favorite albums of absolutely all time, and this is my favorite song on said album. I listened to that album up and down that mountain and all of the way home. And I loved every second of every measure of music. And I love the way that Seal believes. Lyrics here.
e. Poison by Bell Biv Devoe: This is on here because J-Flo was in town this week and this was our song when we were in high school. Back Stage - Underage- Adolescent - How You Doing? There was REAL art in the eighties, ya'll. "NEVER TRUST A BIG BUTT AND A SMILE."
"So...What You're Saying is That You Would Really Prefer If I Didn't Date Other People?": The Friday Five
That's an actual question that I had to ask this week, and I'm pretty sure that my response of laughter after I said it was not what the other person wanted to hear. But listen, people make agreements about how things are going to operate. And there was an agreement made. And that is all. Except, you know, there went my night tonight. Four hours of conversation I'll never get back.
This Friday Five is actually a Friday 10 since there will be no Friday Five next week since I will be up on the top of a mountain (not just any mountain, the highest mountain in the continental United States) getting my bliss on with my favorite Hoosier boys. So we're killing it here, including ten songs on the playlist. Maybe you want to just read half this week and then read half next week when you're missing me? That's fine. Just make sure you read about the bitchwhore contest.
1. Speaking of that Camping Trip: So okay. The best friend of the incredibly cute and amazingly funny newspaper boy says that I'm making a horrible generalization when I say that you should never let men plan anything. But I'm going to say, "You should never let men plan anything." Let me give you some examples of things that happened during our CONFERENCE CALL about last minute logistics for this trip. And fyi, only MEN require a conference call to get shit together for things like this.
"I mean, we maybe don't so much have mountain permits, per say."
"Yeah, I mean, I know that I get in super late, but I guess I'll just run through Wal Mart when I get off the plane and get, I don't know, some granola or something."
"Are you sure it's going to only take us two days to summit this mountain? Because...well, this says three?"
And I responded to all three as follows:
"For fuck's sake, E and I will go up early and get the permits."
"SHUT UP. Just send me a list of what you want to eat and I'll buy it and pack it and bring it in the car with me."
"So, if it's three days, that means that the entire rest of the itinerary is off, right?"
Never.Let.Men.Plan.Anything.
2. Speaking of Men: Oh my GOD. Then, on Tuesday night, I get a call from Big R. "Hey, I have this friend who's a pilot whose flight got grounded and he's in town overnight. Can you go have a drink with him? You'll really like him."
To which I respond, "No ... no. It's already 10:30pm on a Wednesday. It'd be midnight by the time I got there. And anyway, I'm kind of in a situation where that wouldn't be cool, so...just...no."
Except that of course I get talked into it.
HOW ON EARTH DID YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO NOT HATE HIM?
Here is the first exchange that happens within minutes of sitting down.
Him It's important to me that you not get intimidated because I'm so smart. I mean, sure, I have to know all about math and meteorology and physics for my job, but that's just second nature to me. Don't be intimidated by how smart I am.
Me Oh, I'll really try not to be.
But he's a friend of a friend, so even though in real-life that would have immediately warranted an "I have to go now," I stuck it out. And then this gem rolls out while we're talking about hometowns.
Him You know what I love about Pittsburgh?
Me The food? The Steelers? The beautiful rivers?
Him (leaning in conspiratorially) It's a WHITE city.
My God, that happened. Again, because he's a friend of a friend, I make an attempt to parry with some comment about how Pittsburgh's racial diversity is underestimated, though of course what I really wanted to say was something else (like "I like brown"). And while I am tempted to pull out the "I have to go now," I stay. Until this.
I'm telling him the story about how I lost my passport and the hassle it is to replace a passport.
Me I don't know if you've ever lost a passport and had to replace it but...
Him I would NEVER lose a passport because that's an important travel document and I would know enough to keep track of where it was.
Me Sure, but what happened was that I had misplaced my license and had to use my passport for ID for a couple of weeks and ... (and I stop, realizing that I've said the wrong thing).
Him You know, if I were your boyfriend, I'd really have to slap you around now and then when you did stuff like that.
Me (wait for it) I have to go now.
WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU TALKED ME INTO HAVING A DRINK WITH HIM? AND DON'T TELL ME THAT HE'S NOT LIKE THAT WHEN HE'S NOT DRINKING. GOOD GOD.
3. bitchwhore!: Okay, so F-Bomb and I want to have a contest, and sometime this week many of you will actually get an email from me harassing you to participate in the contest, but I don't have time for that right now. So I'm throwing up here to start and maybe you can get your groove on before I pressure you into it. So there's this whole inside joke going on with this word that I use ALL THE TIME. The word obviously being "bitchwhore". And I was tasked by F-Bomb to bring the word to the masses, because it's awesome (though in fairness I don't think that I originated the word). So, you've obviously seen the big link over there to the bitchwhore store. Go spend the $10 and buy yourself a t-shirt. Then, take a picture of yourself in the t-shirt, preferably somewhere with either massive natural or architectural awesomeness because we're going for irony. Or at the care home the next time you visit grandma. Or get out the makeup and go glam or goth. Whatever. Then email me the picture. Once we get 10 or so of them in, we'll put up a flickr stream and a Myspace page. then in November we'll narrow the field to 5 or so awesome finalist (more if we can rally enough people to get a lot of pictures) and put up and online poll and we can all vote and the winner gets $100 iTunes gift certificate from us. Or if you're too technologically challenged to use an iTunes gift certificate, we'll give you a gift certificate to the Olive Garden or TGIFridays or Red Lobster or whatever. A few things.
- You are not limited to shirts, because I get that the shirts are girly because they were designed by a girl and an effeminate man. There's a coffee mug. You can take a picture with the coffee mug.
- That thong is on there because I personally wanted one. I WILL VIOLENTLY BEAT THE FIRST ONE OF YOU WHO HAS ME OPEN AN EMAIL PICTURE OF YOUR CROTCH WITH A BITCHWORE LOGO ON IT. Though shots of you with that thong on your head are fine.
- I'll immediately advance any man to the final who takes a picture in the spaghetti strap cami (Mikey - that means YOU).
- You can send as many pictures as you want.
- TELL YOUR FRIENDS TO PARTICIPATE. If we get enough people, we add prizes.
Finally, (I Love) Paul Jack and (I Also Love) Dex are required to participate el pronto because I made two limited edition shirts just for you all. One with the "PS: It's a trap" line on it and one with "Sugarpussy" on it.
Click here to get your gear and go take a picture. Don't be cheap. You can get a shirt for $10. Or you can spent $20 and have something that looks hot. Doesn't matter to me. If you order soon, you avoid the nagging email from me.
4. All the way at number four is: And we're all the way to number four before we even talk about how much effing ass I kicked this week. Did you see my boss on NBC? Or on CBS? Or on ESPN? Were you among the sudden throng of needy Las Vegas party whores who want help? Did you get a job offer that works so perfectly that it means that after this Super Bowl you could take an entire eight months off without working at all? I did! Plus there were like a zillion other things because I AM ON FIRE. Funny how that happens when you shed off dead weight.
5. So, The Subtle Knife: What is wrong with you people? What is wrong with ALL of you who were like "I could barely get through the second book in that trilogy?" The second book is like a thousand percent better than the first. The storyline moves faster, you get to finally see where things are going, there's the bond between the children and (SPOILER) the scene where Lee Scoresby dies is written so well. I plowed through all three hundred pages in, like, four super busy days. I don't get it. But I'm totally looking forward to the third one.
6. I cannot watch Age of Love anymore: He kicked Jayanna off, and that's not cool. The fun has stopped now that actual hearts are involved.
7. So, football: Starts next weekend. NEXT WEEKEND. Already this week I felt the heat. There's so much to do. So much to do. But I'm the kind of girl who, the more there is to do, the more I get done. My staff is like that too, so they've all stepped it up and things are in an awesome flow. But I mention this because you know what happens when football happens. Less writing here. I go dark on the emails for weeks at a time sometimes. Not so much fun on MySpace. Okay, probably still lots of fun on MySpace because that's often a distraction that's perfect when I need a minute of break. But still. I can't believe it. I feel like I was JUST writing an entry about having post-Super Bowl hangover a week ago, but it was months.
8. I'm about to shut down my computer and go watch some 90210: Just thought you should know. And also, once again, I'm one item short of ten to make this happen.
9. I had no idea: I was watching So You Think You Can Dance this evening while in "awkward conversation recovery mode" and the musical guest was somebody named Mika doing a "song" called "Love Today." I had no idea. I'm still not even sure I understand what I watched. Could this really be happening on American TV? I mean, even with a Wayne Brady hosted lyrics show on TV, I expected more than bad Eurotrash pop even from Fox. I was originally bummed that I couldn't find a YouTube clip of the actual performance from So You Think You Can Dance tonight because it was undeniably special. But I found the actual music video and, frankly, it may be more special. You will sit and be confused. Baffled. And you must at every moment remember that this is not irony: This is not a video some college kid made in his basement to mock bad Eurotrash pop. Oh no, this is bad Eurotrash pop that is INVADING OUR SHORES. Forget the Minute Men down on the Mexican border. THIS IS THE CRAP WE NEED TO STOP FROM MAKING IT'S WAY INTO OUR PRECIOUS COUNTRY. OH MY GOD.
ps: Also embarrassing as a nation? When Wade Robson choreographs an anti-war dance, you know, ART and Fox makes the So You Think You Can Dance judges apologize for the STATEMENT OF HIS ART to all the lame ass deep southerners who complained. Unreal.
10. Here's a playlist: Because I'm ON FIRE right now, the playlist reflect that!
a. Fiona Apple: Extraordinary Machine: Because that's what I've felt like lately. In all respects, including the one she's talking about.
b. Savage Garden: Truly, Madly, Deeply: It's always been a guilty indulgence song anyway, but it got drunk sung to me this week and I was all like "Aw, cute." And it put it back on the radar because then I listened to it all week and was like "That was some cute drunk singing."
c. Charlie Daniels Band: Devil Went Down to Georgia: Because it randomly cycled through my playlist while I was running this week and I can't stop singing it, such as it.
d. Lyle Lovett: If I Had a Boat: This is a live version, which I actually prefer. I've been listening to it when I get a little too hyper during the day and I need to chill out.
e. Spice Girls: Wannabe: I mean, who HASN'T been listening to the Spice Girls since you heard about the reunion and watched that painful hour of Posh? "So tell me what you want, what you really, really want!"
f. Joss Stone: Sleep Like a Child: I'm still on my Joss Stone kick, and this is another song I've been listening to when I need to chill out my mind during the day.
g. Amy Winehouse: In My Bed: This is actually from her first album, which Ferris and Dana let me burn while I was home. It's my favorite track off of that album. I think I recall that it's Dana's favorite, too.
h. Ryan Shaw: Nobody: Okay, so just so you know, this track is off of his promotion site, so it's a little slower than the radio edit. Which is unfortunate because the song is AMAZING. Go to his MySpace or something and listen to the real version.
i. Kitaro: Silk Road: I mean, I've been listening to just a lot of Kitaro (thanks for putting that on your MySpace Ferris) all week to relax. Yep.
j. Violet Indiana: New Girl: Because I listen to Violet Indiana when I want to be still.
Priceless 90210 Screen Shot - Oh, and a Monday Five
1. Pattern, Design. So, I'm taking my sweet old time with the real redesign over here, but I'm also transitioning into football season/fall/busy time. This means that I'm looking for ways to implement pattern into my life, because without pattern I get overwhelmed and get nothing done. It' s like I need to have a set routine for when I do things, or they don't get gone ever. So I'm adding MySpace update, MySpace slideshow update and blog design update to the weekly pattern of things I'll just "do." I've always been a creature of pattern. And anybody will tell you that I've been distracted and off center all summer. That often happens in the summer, but between being sick and having this huge negative force in my life for most of the first half of the year, it was worse than normal. And then lately some would claim that I've been boy distracted. Which I may or may not cop to. But we'll all be happy to know that I'm definitely going to finish this list by the end of August, and that will be groovy. Yeah. Establishing pattern is key to me. Especially because I've made the second half of the year more hectic than normal with my aggressive personal travel schedule. Awesome.
2. My Dark Materials: And, no, I'm not talking about my weekend behavior, though we'll write about that soon once I've lifted everybody else's picture. I'm talking about the books. I finished The Golden Compassthis weekend. So good, of course. Now, many people have told me that I won't enjoy the second two as much, but I knocked through about 100 pages of The Subtle Knife this weekend too and I'm not seeing that there's much fall off. Who knows. Ask me later. Thank you, K-Yo! Those were good selections.
3. Teaser: Things we'll be covering at ILovePaulJack this week include: - some poems about stds and uterine issues - how I am not Asian, but I am sometimes party-happy - 5 more perfect moments
4. 90210!!!! Oh, how I love thee. Oh, how I love Matt McD for feeding this fetish. I'm through disc two of season two, and as I've mentioned, season two is a miracle. - Firstly, because Steve Sanders is dressed in short shorts and half-tops in every other episode since it's beach volleyball season in season two.
- Secondly because of Brandon's cabana boy outfit.
- Thirdly because of episode 5, "Play it again, David," which is the episode where David Silver's dad and Kelly Taylor's mom begin dating, beginning their long road to becoming half brother and sister. Also, this is the episode where Brenda has a mental flashback of Dylan, who is temporarily in Hawaii, and, in her mind, running shirtless on the beach. Also in this episode, Brandon saves an abused child. Everything!
- Fourthly because of episode 7, "Camping Trip," in which the kids all go on a camping trip but get stuck in a leaky cabin during a rain storm, where two newly weds teach them all a thing or two about love. Then Brandon and Dylan go hiking and Brandon falls from a cliff, narrowly escaping death until Dylan, who fell off the alcoholic wagon the night before, pulls him back to safety.
5. A poetry meditation to start the week! Is obviously the one from "Things to Remember When Walking" by David Whyte that I used in this journal redesign:
To be human is to become visible while carrying what is hidden as a gift to others.
Hil posted that poem this weekend on her blog. You should read the entire thing, because it's a beautiful meditation. I used it as mine this morning, and probably will all week until I have it inside of me all of the way. Go read it. Yes.
Oh, Barack. You're Such a Believer. Only I am Not.
This one's for you, Pook. Thanks for the quesiton.
Things we already know and accept at ILovePaulJack are that my money, time and energy are behind the Hillary campaign. And this is despite the fact that, truthfully, I feel like, barring a scandal, Barack Obama probably has the primary wrapped up. And people have asked me why I would throw my support (such as it is) behind Hillary when Barack seems like both a more viable candidate and like somebody who would be more able to impact change if he were to be elected.
And for me, it really comes down to one thing. Hillary has faults, and they are numerous, and we all know all about them. But the premise on which Barack Obama builds his politics is just, for me, a fantasy.
To begin, I do love Barack Obama. I love his optimism, I love his ability to believe in the system's return to integrity, I love his honesty, I love how he doesn't pretend to be impartial about all things. Mostly, I love how he uses words. I love to hear him speak. I love to read his writing. I think that, if there's not some deep dark secret we don't know about, he is an exceptional man.
But I also think that he is misguided in the basis of his very belief system. And I give you, as evidence, an excerpt from The Audacity of Hope.
"No blinding insights emerged from these months of conversation. If anything, what struck me was just how modest people's hopes were, how much of what they believed seemed to hold constant across race, region, religion, and class. Most of them thought that anybody willing to work should be able to find a job that paid a living wage. They figured that people shouldn't have to file for bankruptcy because they got sick. The believed that every child should have a genuinely good education -- that it shouldn't just be a bunch of talk -- and that those same children should be able to go to college even if their parents weren't rich. They wanted to be safe, from criminals and from terrorists; they wanted clean air, clean water, and time with their kids. And when they got old, they wanted to be able to retire with some dignity and respect. That was about it. It wasn't much."
To which I can only say.
Dear Barack Obama,
Are you running for President in the same country that I live in?
Love, jocelyn
Firstly, Barack, I am glad you had such an inspirational experience during your campaign trip. Awesome. But any marketer will tell you that when you cull opinions from a focus group the opinions you get will be, by default, skewed because you are getting opinions from people who, for whatever reason, are willing to participate in the process. Hence they will "think" more than the average, apathetic person. If I pay 20 people $75 each to participate in my focus group, you'd better believe they're really considering my product, because I'm paying them to. And if I randomly grab 20 people out of the crowd in a mall, same dealio. Those people cared enough to stop what they were doing, therefore they will care more about what they are doing. The people who came to your union meetings and town hall meetings and kitchen table meetings are people who cared enough about the process of politics to participate. Therefore, by default, they are still believers. Your sample size was wrong in determining that the American people have modest hopes and dreams that can be accomplished by simple government cleanup.
Perhaps what you should have done was come to Wal-Mart with me for a day and just, you know, sit there. And I'm not talking about so that you can see the 5% of Wal-Mart shoppers who are there because the existence of a Wal-Mart in their town has meant that there are no longer any other places to shop. I'm not even talking about the 5% of Wal-Mart shoppers who come in to stare blindly at the flat screens as though they were in meditative prayer. I'm talking about the 90% of Wal-Mart shoppers who come in there because they feel totally entitled to 33% more cheetos at sixty cents on the dollar and fuck the repercussions. The system has kept them DOWN and now they want their justly deserved super sizes at discount prices.
Or come hang out on the Strip with me. No, don't do that. That's America at it's worst.
How about we have lunch with the thousands of Americans who will blame Bush and anybody else who's ever made money off of oil for the economy, social classes AND terrorism, but will still go out and buy an SUV instead of a hybrid because it's cool to look like you just stepped out of a music video. Oh, and hey! Let's buy one for the kids, too! Let's take no responsibility for the fact that the market dictates the actions of corporations and if you want clean air and water your purchasing decisions will drive that.
I know! Let's go to an irate town hall meeting where folks are talking about how every child deserves an education. A good one. Then let's ask them if they can name one mandate of the No Child Left Behind act and watch them stare blankly because they don't want to have to "read" to find out what major legislation is actually determining their child's quality of education. Then let's ask them if we can tax them another five cents per acre for property tax to create competitive wages for teachers and watch them run you out of town chased by burning torches.
Let's not even talk about everybody who wants to work should be able to do so at a livable wage. Come to Peru, or China, or even Jamaica with me and I'll show you that attitude. Here, everybody who wants to work wants to work flipping houses so that they don't have to work.
Let's see how many Americans who want to retire with dignity define dignity as anything less than independently wealthy. Let's see how many twenty-five-year-olds who define "livable wage" do so with a wage that is livable versus a wage that ensures the purchase of aforementioned SUV.
So, the answer, Pookie, to your question is that I don't think she's the be-all, end-all either. I, like you, would prefer a Gore option. But at least I know that the premise of her politics isn't that people are inherently good and will be satisfied if she returns them to the simple lifestyle we once saw in a Norman Rockwell painting. At least she understands that the American population is, by and large, pretty greedy and lazy. Barack Obama is either misguided and building a political vision based on illusion, or he's willingly trying to make me believe in a world of puppies and rainbows. And because he seems like a good, well-intentioned guy, I'm going to have to go with the belief that he's a little misguided by his own optimism. And that's a little scary.
Pookie - Go - Discuss. But do it Monday since I know you do not have internet access in your home. Pook: Putting the less back into wireless.
1. The Best Thing That Got Said This Weekend "Girl, relationships are like birth control pills. If you think you're going to find one without a side effect, you're dead wrong."
This, of course, is only REALLY funny if you've been following my saga with birth control pills, which unless you are ToniK, K-Rock or Bonnie Bentley, you probably are not. I am not a fan of birth control pills. I haven't taken them, except for two short periods of about six months each, since I was in college. But, for various reasons we don't need to go into, I decided I would go back on them for the time being. This begins with my totally unreasonable conversation with my obgyn.
Me I don't care what other side effects it has, but DO NOT put me on a pill where the side effect is weight gain. I do not want to gain a single pound from this. Not one pound.
OBGYN I mean, is three to five pounds of water retention really going to matter to you? Come on now.
Me NOT.ONE.POUND.
And so we, until this point, had tried five, FIVE, separate pills.
1. The first one made me break out like a 14 year old. Happy Thanksgiving 2006 to me. And while I'd said I didn't care about other side effects, clearly I did.
2. The second one apparently defined "some light spotting" as a full on period for longer than two weeks. This one was particularly enjoyable.
3. The third one made me vomit every morning for three weeks. But not only was there no weight gain, there was weight loss because I couldn't keep food down!
4. The fourth one was, I believe, everybody's favorite. It was the one that made me emotional and probably a little bit insane for the month we tried it. K-Rock, I'm sure, will confirm, that for several weeks, I would be sitting in the office looking at a spreadsheet or a logo comp or something and suddenly, out of the blue, for no reason, crying. And I am not so much a crier. I would have to get up and go cry in the bathroom, or some days cry while sitting in my car. And if you asked me what I was crying about, I had no answer for you. American Idol? Made me cry. My taxes? Made me cry. I mean, the list was endless. Crying. Constant crying. Momentary losses of connection with reality. Anxiety. Not good. Unpleasant to be around.
5. And then pill five, which seems to be a little miracle worker. I'm not acting crazy. My skin seems fine. No weight gain! No vomiting! No reduced sex drive so far (which has historically been a problem with me and birth control). The only side effect one month in is that my breasts have gotten tender.
And so, if you're enjoying this metaphor I'm spinning here, relationships are like that. Some will make you vomit, some will make you crazy, some will make you never want to have sex again, but in the end hopefully you'll find one that just makes your boobs swell a little bit. And really, what more could we all hope for?
2. Even Angels Have Existensial Angst My goal for this month is to output lots of creative, well, output. When I make that my goal, there are often certain sacrifices that I have to make. For me, one of those sacrifices is not going out on Friday or Saturday night unless there is some super compelling reason to. I know me. If I go out on Friday or Saturday for "a drink", I may only have one drink, but I will get wrapped up in the "being out and about" and it will be well into the morning before I get home. Then it will be well past noon-thirty before I get up and my creative energy will be shot before it even gets started. So I look for ways to pass the evening hours that don't require me to be out, laying it down. So, lots of movies and books to talk about.
Saturday night I re-watched Wings of Desire, which I probably hadn't watched in five years and which is one of my favorite films. I mean, you know, I love Wim Wenders and Until the End of the World is my favorite, favorite film ever. And the very beautiful Solveig Dommartin is in this film, and she's also the protagonist in Until the End of the World, and in both movies Wenders kind of uses her to explore this concept he loves of "a woman gloriously alone in the world." And I always relate to that. Anyway, the film always gets me thinking about spiritual eternity versus physical transience. And it makes me want to go out and touch leaves and smell concrete, which is what I did on Sunday.
3. I also finished reading... The Game of Silence by Louise Erdrich. She wrote much better before Michael Dorris died, but you still feel the nature in her writing, which is why we all love her so much, right?
4. I have stress. I have lots of work stress, a little personal stress, and then lots more work stress. I also have six days this week where I won't be updating in an effort to chill and offload some stress. Just letting you know.
5. Here's a poetry meditation. Except that it's not really a poetry meditation. It's the opening narration to Wings of Desire:
"When the child was a child, it was the time of these questions. Why am I me, and why not you? Why am I here, and why not there? When did time begin, and where does space end? Isn't life under the sun just a dream? Isn't what I see, hear, and smell just the mirage of a world before the world? Does evil actually exist, and are there people who are really evil? How can it be that I, who am I, wasn't before I was, and that sometime I, the one I am, no longer will be the one I am?"
I may have a full inbox, but we're doing this first!
So every year RJ and I do this thing where we list our top five favorite movies of the year. Then we compare their total, cumulative IMDB scores and the person with the higher score wins dinner. You may be thinking that this would be a more admirable activity if there were no competition involved, but then you would clearly know nothing about either RJ or myself. Because we are competitive people. Anyway, here we go!
Gubra: Sure, we all know that there's no way Yasmin Ahmad makes a film that I'm able to see and it's not my favorite of the year. Gubra, her second film following the character Orked, is a much more mature, serious and ultimately depressing film than the romantic Sepet. But it's also more beautifully written and thought provoking. You can only get this shit off of eBay, so if you do it, get Sepet too, because watching Orked transition from a believer to a non-believer is only effective if you've seen the first film. There's a third one out that I hope they screen at sfiff this year. I wrote some stuff when I first saw it. (imdb rating: 7.2)
Wild Tigers I Have Known: I'm pretty sure that the first time I saw this movie I thought it had some pretty big issues and I was all like "Cam Archer, whatever have you done?" But the thing about this movie -- it's maybe not so much about any of the issues and ALL ABOUT the feeling it leaves you with, which I still have now, six months later. Sadness and hope and this surreal feeling about emotional development. I said it better the first time, I think. (imdb rating: 5.9)
007: Casino Royale: WHATTUP I LOVED THIS MOVIE SO MUCH!!!!!!! And no, before you say it, my love of this movie is only partially about Daniel Craig coming out of the ocean in his boy shorts. Every action sequence was amazing. The evolution of the Bond character who, to me in my thirties had become pretty flat, was enough to hold your interest through all three endings that this film had. Judi Dench - need I say more? It was sexy. It was hot. It was entertaining. And the thing that the moviemakers want to hear the most - it will make me go see the next Daniel Craig Bond flick. (imdb rating: 7.9)
The Descent: You know, I have to say that this fifth spot was a toss up and there are a lot of quality films in the honorable mentions pile below. But I'm a sucker for a good horror film. And what I appreciated (though I'm a bit ashamed to say it) about this film is how it portrayed women as strong and kick ass, but also so petty that they'll literally give each other up to monsters over having slept with each other's men, which I think is the true dichotomy of women. Plus, this movie scares the shit out of you if you watch it in the right circumstances. (I think I said this the first time). (imdb rating: 7.5)
Total imdb score: 35.5 (my love of that Cam Archer movie brought me down, man)
Making the honorable mention list this year were: Borat: Because seriously, I'm not above that. And I love the rodeo scene. And I laughed my booty off (though unfortunately not literally). The Departed: But mostly just because Leo was HAWT because those last five minutes ruined a lot for me. My Rewatch of Cinema Paradiso: Still the best three minutes in closing a film ever. I wrote about this when I rewatched it. Little Miss Sunshine: It is that good. Some poeple say it's not. They have quiet lives not full of crazy folk. Illumination: It's very lovely. If you can handle grey. But lovely nonetheless. I wrote about this when I saw it.
Queen Bees and Wanna Bes: But honestly, speaking of things that changed my life, I really did get a better understanding of myself when I read this. And talked about it again and again. It's not the best read you'll ever get, but if you're female, it will help you understand yourself A LOT better.
The World is Flat: And the G-Man cringes that this is on the list. I'm sorry, I know he has an agenda. But the observations, on-site visits and predictions in this book are unapologetic and I dig them. And if you haven't read it, then don't complain later when you don't understand the capitalisitc approach to globalization that's going to rule. Here's what I wrote the first time.
There are other fantastic books I read this year, but they were re-reads and I don't want to count them. You can, as always, see everything I read last year here.
Madonna Tribute - Cast of Glee
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