FYI - I am too old to go to midnight movies on a school night. I am tired today. I am on cat nap number four and it's only noon. But you're going to ask me what I thought of The Golden Compass, aren't you? I mean, you know, I think it was as well as they could adapt that book to a movie. It was nice to see a lot of the fantasy characters and the armored bears come to life. But you know, when you love a book like I love that book, the movie is NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. But I do think it's worth seeing. It's short - only two hours. Nicole Kidman looks STUNNING in every shot and it better get an Oscar nod for costuming. It was worth feeling like ass today.
1. I Fall Somewhere Between....So Pookie sent me this link. I fall somewhere between "Lover Boy" and "Hunk Next Door." Yes, that's clearly a recipe for disaster. Apparently, I want a man who looks cool while washing his car in the driveway but also really, really, really needs me. In actuality, I want neither of those things.
2. Broken Social Scene - I've been listening to them a lot lately. I think that they are neither the "Lover Boy" or the "Hunk Next Door." That is all.
3. Holiday Check In - By the end of the weekend, unless you work for Pregame.com (in which case I am holding your stuff until right before your holiday party) or live in Pennsylvania, you will be DONE! Letters went out the day before yesterday. Everybody in San Francisco is finished. Everybody in LA is finished (more or less). By the end of the weekend, if I need to mail your package, you are finished. I feel, you know, pretty good. And tired. And a little broke!
4. Birthday Madrid Trip: Dear Lis,
How DO you do it? I am already stressed out about trying to keep everybody happy on this trip. Love, Jos
5. Remember When Pookie Had No Computer? How long ago that seems. Now, my day is a series of IM's from him that include links like the one above and endless YouTube videos. But I don't care, because he sent me this YouTube classic, which took a HORRIBLE day (yesterday) and turned it around for me:
There's so much good in this video: - The Clap Track that EVERYBODY does, even those seemingly random females - The look on Rick James' face after he obviously just snorted coke - The shirtless guitarist behind Eddie Murphy - The way Eddie Murphy consistently looks away from the camera because HE IS TAKING HIS MUSIC SERIOUSLY
And, the best part, as pointed out by Pook, is how Rick James rushes out and grabs a bass guitar during the last ten seconds of the song -- as though it is suddenly needed.
So for a couple of days now, I've been trying to put a real journal entry together about my trip home to Pennsylvania to spend time with my mother, the Woodalls and Ferris for his big birthday (age STILL undisclosed)...and, of course, Pookie, Dana and Jai. And the thing is, I haven't been able to do it. There are dozens of stories that are funny to me, and funny to the people there, but they won't be funny to you. You know, because they're the kind of stories that are funny because all of the people involved know all of the history behind them, or are emotionally intimate enough to understand the laughter. So while the trip was amazing and perfect, it wouldn't be funny to anybody but us. But for those of us who participated, let us just take a moment and remember:
- Larry using a Buffalo Wild Wings as a locational reference point to guide me somewhere - "I thought taking a walk to the park would be nice." - "So what if I don't have a cell phone - I WAS THE FIRST ONE TO DINNER." - BIG TIME - "Clyde is here, Ferris. Brokeback it up for your birthday, baby." - Japanese food and the missing server. - Bar Louie and how somebody thought his move was to let that hobag walk in front of him and steal the table that should have rightfully been ours. - BIG TIME - "Did you know that your mother was in Guadalajara?" - MORE BIG TIME - "I'm so glad that cell phones were invented so that, while we're all here spending time together, you all can be texting other people who are NOT here." - "Let's make some MySpace magic tonight." - "Counting every blade of grass, taking a stand, starting a revolution." - FANTASTIC cocktails at the Shady Grove - Making ourselves sick with more food and booze at Gullifty's. I mean, like, SICK. - Larry wishing Ferris a happy birthday by telling him about his sweaty ass - My mom's cooking, including her attempt to lame out on stuffed mushrooms by microwaving them, to which we responded, "That's bullshit. Turn the oven on." - My mom's face when the question "Did you know that your mom is in Guadalajara?" was asked. - BIG TIME and BIG JIM - Snowballing. Don't even bother asking. - Jukeboxes - "Everything is definitely cool."
I love you mom, Pookie, Ferris, Dana, Candy, Larry, Jai. Thank you for such a wonderful set of perfect moments. You can see all of the pictures here, but here are my favorites for reference.
Don't you wish you could rock to ANY music? Even the servers singing at Yokoso?
Dinner. Good Times.
Much like The Jackal, where there is bottled beer, The Unicorn will appear.
Ferris, I guess we'll have to buy it. Then load it on a flatbed truck and take it on a cross country roadtrip called "Go West, Big Jim< -- Go West."
Now, all we need is $10,000 each......
To which Ferris replied:
We'll cross the country with it, finding out a lot about ourselves and America along the way. Finally, upon arriving in San Francisco, Big Jim becomes a gay icon, but during its triumphant (yet ill advised) parade down Lombard Street it teeters over and kills Joel. James, in a fit of anger, curses the day the steel giant was ever created; the statue gains sentience and in a fit of remorse, throws itself into the Bay. It is never seen again, and James ends his days working in a coal mine.
And so on Saturday we're sitting at my mom's house and we're all like, "Hey, Ferris, what do you want to do today for your birthday?"
And he's all like, "I want to go find the Big Jim statue and worship it."
Surely he did. So first we drive to where the Big Jim statue originally lived hoping, beyond hope, that perhaps he had not been moved yet. He had been moved. We then drive all the way through Charleroi, the town where Big Jim had resided, to see if he had been moved to a central park area or something. We have no luck.
I wrote that last paragraph like driving through Charleroi took us hours, but in reality driving through the entire length of Charleroi takes less than 10 minutes. At the end, disheartened and sad, we pull over to the Cougar Mini Mart. What shall we do? Almost twenty minutes into our quest, we've failed to find Big Jim.
So, the average age of a citizen of Jesus Land in Western Pennsylvania is about 115 years old. Pookie and I roll into the Cougar Mart (named, by the way, for the team mascot at the local high school) to ask if anybody knows where Big Jim is. There are two people in the Cougar Mart. The woman behind the counter (balding) and the woman buying her lottery tickets (old). We get in line to ask our question. It's at that point, that the woman buying the lottery tickets realizes that one of her FIFTEEN LOTTERY TICKETS has been misprinted not using the super secret lottery number that she wanted. What do you do in this situation if you are the lottery ticket purchaser or the woman behind the counter? Do you say to the old lady and her lotto tickets, "Just give me one moment to help those two people standing behind you and then we'll work out." NO! You proceed to spread ALL FIFTEEN LOTTERY TICKETS OUT ON THE COUNTER and then start tediously going through them with the old woman while Pookie and I stand there with our mouths open.
Fortunately, at that moment, a man who was roughly 115 years old and holding a respirator in his hand comes in and gets in line behind us.
Pookie to Said Man Have you lived here your whole life?
And at the time, it was a nice intro, though, you know, OBVIOUSLY. The man explains to us that the Big Jim statue has been moved to Bentleyville. We return to the car to suggest a trip to Bentleyville. Ferris is like, "Do we really want to drive all the way to Bentleyville?"
Again, this is said like this is some kind of trek. IT'S A TEN MINUTE DRIVE. We, of course, begin this ten minute drive with Ferris pulling his hybrid out in front of an 18-wheeler that was speeding down the highway at 80 miles an hour and literally CAME WITHIN FEET OUR OUR BUMPER. Ferris' response to this?
"This may be it, people."
I mean, and really, we were pretty close to death there.
And we turn into Bentleyville, and...THERE'S BIG JIM. In a park? No! In a town square? No! On a pastoral hill somewhere? No!
IN FRONT OF THE BENTLEYVILLE BEST WESTERN. You know it. You can't even take a picture of this piece of history without a Best Western sign in front of it.
You can see all of the pictures here. And you should look at them. But here are my four favorites:
Big Jim: Ass Up to the Sunlight
Ladies love Big Jim.
Gunslingers!
Go West, bitches.
I end with a haiku.
Big Jim. Such a man. Balls of steel. Literally. Bentleyville icon.
For a pretty much unedited look at Pookie's birthday weekend, you can hit up Flickr and check the set. But I'm giving you my five favorite photos below!
The now traditional event photo with "Fran," if that is in fact his real name.
Really, this photo tells you everything you need to know about mine and Pookie's relationship.
There is only one word for this photo. And that word is "M.A.N.L.Y"
Joey V is like an arrow in motion to the speakeasy.
We call this our "sitcom" photo, because it's the kind of photo that happens at the end of the intro credits to any sitcom with an ensemble cast...you know, how at the end of the credits the cast of friends or family all tumbles gleefully onto a couch where they smile about their wacky lives that always end perfectly happily? That's this photo.
An online, day-late 30th birthday card for Pookie.
How to rock it, kicking ass 24/7, for 30 years. Pookie-style.
April, 1977: Get born somewhere where the sign pictured below exists within a mile of your house. A place where people take their guns so seriously that they create signs like this. Signs that imply that the deer are enjoying this activity, too.
Next meet your big sister. She will love you no matter what. Even when "what" is you saying "Just let me check something super quickly on your laptop" and then still sitting there with the laptop 15 minutes later posting things on message boards while her head explodes on the inside. You will love her no matter what, too. Even when "what" is the Christmas she decided it would be cool to wear temporary tattoos on her forehead all week long.
Circa 1980: Get used to passing out in your underwear. Circal 1983: Embrace acrobatics class that mom makes you take. Rock the one-shoulder, spandex tiger print. Fashion never looked so good pre-bedazzler.
Circa 1984: You are cute and blond and proud to be an American. I only wish we still had that track suit you have on in that school picture.
Circa 1987: Embrace Miami Vice, yo. Enjoy the loafers with no socks and the pegged pants. And hair gel.
Circa 1992: Determine that you will be a rock star. LIVE IT.
June 1995: Graduate from the illustrious California Area High School. Give a valedictorian speech that stresses the need for tolerance and diversity. Run in fear after that speech from the people with guns. Hey! Isn't that Ferris behind you and to the left????
Circa 1996: REALLY get intimate with your surroundings on a trip to West Virginia with Ferris and Jos where you stop at every single truck stop on the way and interview the guy working the graveyard shift. Wish you weren't all college poor so you could actually afford those t-shirts.
Circa 1998: Give up on being a rock star and decide to be a princess instead. No, actually, decide on rock star AND princess.
Circa 2000: Take your first trip to San Francisco. Jocelyn will take this picture of you, hoping that it will someday become your first album cover.
Circa 2002: Really internalize the Budd Grebb philosophy of "Play now and pay later, or pay now and play later."
Circa 2003: Learn to love your own nipple. Passionately.
Spring 2005: Rock Peru, FERNANDO STYLE.
August 2005: Rock Hawaii, rich folk style.
April 25, 2007: Turn 30. Wow. Spend the first half of the night turning thirty at dinner with your parents and your sister.
Spend the second half of the night with Ferris and Jos, the only two people other than your parents who have literally known you your entire life. Drink champagne out of vintage Star Wars cups and watch Ryan Seacrest host the coming of the four horsemen.
I love you always Pookalicious. Even when I have PMS. Even when you forget to call me back. Even when you explain why none of my political beliefs are valid. Even when you won't stop talking. Even when you can't remember what dishwasher soap to use. Even when you make me crazy. But especially when we're driving in a car on backroads in Western Pennsylvania with the radio on and the windows open. -jos
It's not an entertaining entry, but it must be done! There are so many people who made my birthday wonderful that I wanted to hollerout thanks. "But it's taken you so long!" you say. Yes. And I feel that that can best be explained with the following exchange that happened the other day.
Me I feel like I can't catch up to all the things I have to do.
Him Maybe that's because you were out until the early morning hours four out of the last five nights.
Me You're not the boss of me.
Anyway, it's summer. It's reading season, and I got great books for my birthday. Thank you, thank you, thank you to...
(ILove)Paul Jack and Dex for outstanding hospitality, making me laugh all weekend, this, some photos that already have a spot on the wall, and this.
Halff for Meyer Lemon Pie. I need not say more.
shamus because I will be talking about how that bitch rolled out on Saturday morning for the rest of ever every time he pisses me off. And for the $50 gift certificate to Glamour Shots that I'M SURE IS COMING.
AshleyPooh and Emma for hauling out to breakfast.
Broke Daddy for changing my mental image of Michael J. Fox and Avery and Janet for a table reservation, American Idol gabbing and, sadly, Willow.
Pookie for this. (Yeah, I get it. Boo, Hillary. Subtle, dude).
ToniK for cookies. Yum.
Moon for this. (Winning the prize for most thoughtful, non-wishlist gift given to me by somebody not obligated to give a thoughtful, non-wishlist gift)
K-Yo for these. How perfect will that be for summer pool weather?
Catwoman for this and this. Which not only am I excited to re-read, but it reminds me of the study hall we had together with Budd Grebb.
And Matt McD and Hott Scott and BK and everybody else who remembered to call. Sweet.
And Charms94 for these and for my favorite birthday present:
And I think that's it. I have the best friends in the world! And I had a great birthday. It didn't feel like 33 at all. More like 22 and full of possibility.
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