Fearless Girls, Wise Women, and Beloved Sisters
NKOTB, "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays"
Bathroom Cleaning Product
Stability Or, anything from my wish list.
If I ran the show... Post Date: 12/19/04
Original Journal Date: Various: 12/17/04 If I were Santa:
a.)I would be a totally sexy Santa with a little skirt and tassels on my boobs.
b.)Elves would be the guys from Thunder from Down Under
c.)Everybody would bow to the monolith and create Amazon wishlists.
d.)This would be my Christmas Eve delivery list. Aaron - The ultimate sports betting tip. ULTIMATE. Alicia - True love. All the Strippers of the World - Big tips this holiday. Amber & Rob - All the fame you ever dreamed of during your upcoming stint on The Amazing Race Amy - Soccer health. AshleighStar - A bike trip to Hawaii. I mean, not to Hawaii because you'd have to fly there. But a bike trek on the island once you were there. Ashley, Toni & Emma - Wisdom and Wildness. In that order. Big Jason - A fishing boat! Bill Cower - A certain NFL piece of jewelry. Bill Rancic - Two brain cells that occasionally rub together and some Rogaine. Bitch Ho - Leather chaps. A matching hat. Buggie - What's a girl need? Urban Outfitters' gift certificates! Chris & Sandra - An easy pregnancy and good Patriots football (until they run into the Steelers in the playoffs). Clay Aiken - Stellar Manilow-like ballads for your second album. Dad - Five minutes of good memory. Just so you can remember. Dale - CHOCOLATE, bitch. Damon - I dunno. Don't you have everything you want now? Daphne - A full size catwoman suit. A cat de-linter. DCWP- TACO SAUCE! Mrs. DCWP - TACO SAUCE! Di - Health. Tickets to both "Chippendales" and "Thunder from Down Under." Diva Mae - Shots of schnapps in a seedy bar in Ronco. For real. You'd better be there 12/24. Dr. John - A Colt breakup and relocation. Ferris - A housewarming gift. An extra dose of pimp style. Oh, wait, you don't need that. G-Man of Playsure - Where to start? Oh, I know. Two sets of plane tickets. One that takes me to Iowa. One that takes both of us and Bryan to Pittsburgh for another weekend. Eleanor - A Christmas morning call because I know what it will feel like. Erik & Robyn - An amazing year this year. Nobody deserves it more than you do. Fantasia - More record sales than Diana DeGarmo. Gavin Newsom - Also a second term. Shake it up, yo. George Bush - A nomination for baseball commissioner so you can go back to being harmless. Greg B. - Actors you don't need to fire. A production budget. The Gubernator - A second term. You rock. Heike - The right star at the right time. Helen & Dan - A case of champagne. Ho - The Condensed Phil Collins Lyric Book. Oh, and a replacement travel hat. Jack and Diana - Yes. Another bun in the oven. Or is it just me who wants you to have another one? Jen - A big furry hat. Oh, wait, you have that. Russian platform hooker boots. Oh, wait, you have those too! I know! The new Mariah Carey panties! I hear they're awesome! Jen and Owen - A mommy & me trip to Africa. Jeremy - John Varvatos clothing. Music I don't understand. Jerome Bettis - A certain NFL piece of jewelry. Joel - A new novel. Maybe next year. John & Doreen - A Winnebago. Seriously. How much would you love that? John Kerry - Slimfast. Look what happened to Al Gore after he lost. Jonas - Relationship Summit 101. I wrote the book. I'm the pro. For real. Judi, Toni, Robert & Jodi - For everybody to have things back the way they were. Jutta - The ten soles I still owe you from that cab ride! A live llama. Kari - A new deck, a tall beer, that other thing you're looking for. Kelly Clarkson - Platinum Status for "Breakaway" Ken - Resolution and Return. Kiefer Sutherland - Supermodels, booze and a class in honor of your show at U of I. King - One hour of pure, good memories of her. A Golden Gloves champ this year. K-Yo - A hundred million chick flicks to watch together. A trip to Ulta together. Larry - An SUV and a home in the mountains to drive it to. PSYCH. In reality, Italian Riviera property. Lisa - Two words: Travel budget. Loren - A production budget. Mariah Carey - Your dignity back, unless you don't want it, which it seems you don't. Marissa - All the Hello Kitty in the WORLD. Lesbian African-American Barbie. Marlboro Greg - A freakin' sanity check. A good lawyer. Matthew Fox - You have been bad and must be punished. We are taking all of your shirts away so that you must be bare-chested in all future episodes of Lost and corresponding public appearances. The McDaniels - Production budgets! Mom - An EMAIL ACCOUNT. Seriously, how do you live like this? Nathan - Fine wine from the Sedona desert. Nick Lachey - Your dignity back, unless you don't want it, which it seems you don't. Niko - Greek Blue Something Paula Abdul - Your dignity back, unless you don't want it, which it seems you don't. Paul Jack - A phone. So you would call me, bitch. Paul M. - A winning spot on The Apprentice. Rachel - Straight A's. Zen space. Good NFL playoffs. Randall - All the hugs and kisses and hand rubs you could ever want. Rappa - A cute little hat like the one you borrowed that one time. Rob I. - IU basketball tickets. Two of them. You could take Greg to the game. Fun times. Nostalgia. Rox - The strength for your first DC winter. Ruben Studdard - Not being known as the AI winner who shouldn't have won. Sam - Norah Jones Live in your living room. Sara & the Youngins - Lots and lots of raspberries. Scott Hannan - Bocce balls, you know, as a second sporting career where the women can still check you out. Scott & Jose - My new book, entitled, "Dealing with Your Ghetto Relatives During the Holidays." Shank - Cold beer at Waziema. Stina - Also tickets to "Chippendales" and "Thunder from Down Under" Scott - Headphones for when you run. I'm serious. They come in handy other times, too. Shadee - An endless gift card to Sephora. A movie budget. Slappy - Everything you've been looking for all this time. Tamar - A farm so you could have endless animals. Martha's empire to run for her. Tiny - The ultimate video game playing chair. A cat de-linter. Tony M. - Lap dances, lap dances, lap dances. Trick, Patricia and the Youngins - One more bun in the oven. How fun would that be? Zach - Can we say US Treasury bonds? Zach Braff - My perfect, perfect script for the time Scrubs sends your character to South America.