Being means: not numbering and counting, but ripening like a tree, which doesn?t force its sap, and stands confidently in the storms of spring, not afraid that afterward summer may not come. It does come. But it comes only to those who are patient, who are there as if eternity lay before them, so unconcernedly silent and vast. I learn it every day of my life, learn it with pain I am grateful for: patience is everything!
We are called to be fruitful - not successful, not productive, not accomplished. Success comes from strength, stress, and human effort. Fruitfulness comes from vulnerability and the admission of our own weakness. sometimes...i read lovely stuff. sometimes...not.
Gilead - Marilynne Robinson
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If we do not bear the cross of the Master, we will have to bear the cross of the world, with all its earthly goods. Which cross have you taken up? Pause and consider. i would die without my iPodBonnie Summerville - "Long Road "
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There are many people who are sincere without being simple: they are ever afraid of being seen for what they are not; they are always musing over their words and thoughts and thinking about what they have done, in fear of having done or said too much. These people are sincere, but they are not simple: they are not at ease with others, and other people are not at ease with them. There is nothing easy about them, nothing free, spontaneous or natural. People who are imperfect, less regular, less masters of themselves, are more lovable. This is how people find them, and it is the same with God.

i am never satisfiedStill New Asics Gel Kayanos

or anything from my wishlist

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A brother said to an old man, ?I do not know of any warfare in my heart.? The old man said to him, ?Then you are a building open on all four sides. Whatever wishes to, goes in and out, and you do not notice. If you had windows and a door, and shut them so as to bar certain thoughts, you would soon realize how many there are outside, waiting to slip in and attack you.?

i fear fatrun 5

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I know that life is a doorway to eternity, and yet my heart so often gets lost in petty anxieties. It forgets the great way home that lies before it. Unprepared, given over to childish trivialities, it could be taken by surprise when the great hour comes and find that, for the sake of piffling pleasures, the one great joy has been missed. I am aware of this, but my heart is not. It seems unteach- navigate around, why don't you?
what i wrote yesterday
back to the homepage
everything ever. sort of.
sometimes...poetry
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thank you, r. kelly
who thought i'd ever say that?
posted on: 11/15/05
original post date: 17/15/05

The thing is, I do have more feminism stuff I could post, but I just need to take a break. And I promise to actually answer the question "Who is this Budd Grebb?" soon. But I've been waiting for a week to thank R. Kelly. I need to get to it.

Dear R. Kelly,

Last weekend I watched the first 8 (Yes, 8! So Epic!) chapters of your "urban opera," Trapped in the Closet on VH1. You are a genius. When I first heard the Disney anthem "I Believe I Can Fly," I knew you could capture the inner turmoil of the average person unlike any other, but now, having seen your masterpiece, I am convinced. The world may not be ready for your genius.

First of all, to hinge the entire plot on a cell phone that you forgot to put on vibrate when you - literally - hid in the closet of your hoochie hookup who was married to the preacher who was also having an affair - a GAY affair? Brilliant! The juxtoposition of good and evil when the preacher man, the GAY preacher man goes crazy on you? Dante had nothing on the struggle of the soul that you don't have too, my man.

My other favorite part, and I mean, there are so many, is your wife's ex-con brother, Twon, who accidentally gets shot when your wife's lover, who is also the cop who gave you a speeding ticket on the way home. Twon is a GANGSTA! He gets shot and then gets right back in the game. What a statement on the warrior attitude of men! I say GIMME SOME OF THAT!!!!

And then you take it inter-racial in chapter 8! Inter-racial! But even the inter-racial couple can't be faithful.

Look, I've always felt that your best work was "Ignition: The Remix." Let me just post some lyrical clips from that so that the non-believers can see your true poetic gift:

No I'm not tryin to be rude,
But hey pretty girl I'm feelin you
The way you do the things you do
Remind me of my Lexus coup
Thats why im all up in yo grill
Tryina get you to a hotel
You must be a football coach
The way you got me playin the field

So baby gimme that toot toot
Lemme give you that beep beep
Runnin her hands through my 'fro
Bouncin on 24's
While they say on the radio...

It's the remix to ignition
Hot and fresh out the kitchen
Mama rollin that body
got every man in here wishin
Sippin on coke and rum
I'm like so what I'm drunk
It's the freakin weekend baby
I'm about to have me some fun

Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce
Bounce Bounce Bounce

Now it's like murder she wrote
Once I get you out them clothes
Privacy is on the door
Still they can hear you screamin more
Girl I'm feelin what you feelin
No more hopin and wishin
I'm bout to take my key and
Stick it in the ignition

<snip>

Crystall poppin in the stretch Navigator
We got food every where
As if the party was catered
We got fellas to my left
Hunnies on my right
We bring em both together we got junkin all night
Then after the show its the (after party)
And after the party its the (hotel lobby)
And round about 4 you gotta (clear the lobby)
Then head take it to the room and freak somebody

<snip>

Girl we off in this jeep
Foggin windows up
Blastin the radio
In the back of my truck
Bouncin up and down
Stroke it round and round
To the remix
We just thuggin it out...

OhMyGOD. Can you imagine how brilliant it would be if you could find a way to conclude your urban opera with this as the aria finish? Because "Ignition: The Remix" is flat out brilliant. The way the girl you desire does the things she does reminds you of your Lexus Coup? I don't even know what that means but it must be brilliant.

You have food everywhere as if the party was catered? But if there were food everywhere, wasn't the party catered? I don't know! It's beyond me! I am unworthy of your genius! I LOVE YOU. You can do whatever you want to me...oh...wait...you're into...nevermind.

Some people will argue that Bruce Springsteen or Bob Dylan or Bon Jovi are the poets of our generation. Okay, maybe that Bon Jovi one is just me and Ashleigh, but whatever. It's not a competition any more. It's you, R, it's you. After being exposed to your art, I no longer feel trapped in the closet of my own inhibitions. Thank you, R. Kelly.

So last night before bed I was watching some thing on CourtTV about life behind bars in some New England state, and those convicts? Insane. Something is not wired right there.

And then I went to see Get Rich or Die Tryin', which by the way is actually a pretty good movie if you can stand the violence and aren't bothered by the whole gansta glorification thing. I mean, it's better than some movies, worse than others. Anyway, my point here is that in a movie theater where our own darthferris actually sees movies, a person was shot after a showing of Get Rich or Die Tryin'. You know what that is? Crazy.

And then I was in Wal-Mart yesterday (Don't ask...but I promise there was a good reason I was in there). And I was standing around waiting for somebody to get something, and while standing around, I was watching all of the Wal-Mart shoppers robotically move through the store with this laser-focused look in their eyes when they passed that flat screens. And that look? That look was crazy.

And it dawned on me. As we overpopulate the earth and expand human kind into population numbers not ever intended by God or nature, it only makes sense that the proportion of crazy will stay the same, thus leading to more and more crazy people in raw numbers.

Maybe my resentment of the pharmaceutical industry is mis-placed. Maybe there really are that many people who require meds. I personally can't really function without them. Ask anybody who had to deal with me when I was switching two months ago.

Maybe it all makes sense.

Also, did you know that there's actual statistical evidence that the y-chromosome is disappearing and eventually we'll be an almost all-female race with a genetically surprising male born every so many just so that we have enough sperm going on? Talk amongst yourselves about whether that's a good thing or not.

That's all. I just wanted to say that it had dawned on me that there was a reason there seemed to be so much crazy in the world.

I believe we will be returning to feminism next week. On Sunday, I'm sure I'll want to write about the awesome thing I am seeing on Saturday. I need to get a copy of the "Best of Budd Grebb" quotes before I explain who he is. It's really senseless without that.

People in Pittsburgh - I'm there from December 17th until December 28th. Email me.


I did not know of this Trapped in a Closet. I must see it.
I'm so bummed K-rock already wrapped that up for your Christmas present.
Copyright 2004, 2005 Jocelyn Saurini
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