Being means: not numbering and counting, but ripening like a tree, which doesn?t force its sap, and stands confidently in the storms of spring, not afraid that afterward summer may not come. It does come. But it comes only to those who are patient, who are there as if eternity lay before them, so unconcernedly silent and vast. I learn it every day of my life, learn it with pain I am grateful for: patience is everything!
We are called to be fruitful - not successful, not productive, not accomplished. Success comes from strength, stress, and human effort. Fruitfulness comes from vulnerability and the admission of our own weakness. sometimes...i read lovely stuff. sometimes...not.
So the thing is that I need to book shop.
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If we do not bear the cross of the Master, we will have to bear the cross of the world, with all its earthly goods. Which cross have you taken up? Pause and consider.  i would die without my iPodKanye West - "Airplane"
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There are many people who are sincere without being simple: they are ever afraid of being seen for what they are not; they are always musing over their words and thoughts and thinking about what they have done, in fear of having done or said too much. These people are sincere, but they are not simple: they are not at ease with others, and other people are not at ease with them. There is nothing easy about them, nothing free, spontaneous or natural. People who are imperfect, less regular, less masters of themselves, are more lovable. This is how people find them, and it is the same with God.

i am never satisfiedNew Asics Gel Kayanos

or anything from my wishlist

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A brother said to an old man, ?I do not know of any warfare in my heart.? The old man said to him, ?Then you are a building open on all four sides. Whatever wishes to, goes in and out, and you do not notice. If you had windows and a door, and shut them so as to bar certain thoughts, you would soon realize how many there are outside, waiting to slip in and attack you.?

i fear fatrun 3, abs 100

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I know that life is a doorway to eternity, and yet my heart so often gets lost in petty anxieties. It forgets the great way home that lies before it. Unprepared, given over to childish trivialities, it could be taken by surprise when the great hour comes and find that, for the sake of piffling pleasures, the one great joy has been missed. I am aware of this, but my heart is not. It seems unteach- navigate around, why don't you?
what i wrote yesterday
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everything ever. sort of.
sometimes...poetry
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finally. iowa.
i have finished the week with my "to do" done, so iowa!
posted on: 10/14/05
original post date: 10/1/05

So, as promised for a long time now, the journal update about Iowa. And since I have a pretty much free and clear weekend, there is probably even another update by Monday. So, I've broken this down by day, my lovely relaxing trip to visit G-Man of Playsure in the adult playground of Iowa. What happens in Iowa usually ends with cheese fries.

Day 1: We Visit the Dining Hall
So I arrive, and we go to pick up a bike for me to use. Here's the unfortunate part of this, I had to work a large chunk of the early part of the day. This is mostly due to my personal lack of organization in the week surrounding, but also to some light miscommunication. However, I got to work in some funkafied coffee house. I'm IMing Halff and I say, "Everybody in here is smoking American Spirits." And that was all he needed to know.

Finally, I wrap that up and it's time for lunch. Where do you go for lunch in Iowa City? To the student dining hall. Oh yes, my friends. I only wish I were hungrier, but I had a little time change going on and it felt earlier to me. G-Man made the world proud though. And can I say, we did not eat like this when I was in college. There were no fajita bars and such when I was in college. I mean, for real. Then, stomachs full, over to the honors building to play table hockey/fuseball. Fun times. How can you not relax when doing that?

But the best part of the day was after afternoon activity and before going out. We took the "Miracle" dvd and watched in in the library auditorium. We cried, or at least I did. That movie is awesome, and watching it on a super big screen in an auditorium with nobody chewing popcorn in your ear is MORE awesome.

And then bars, which for me translated to cheese fries.

I am glad I am not 22 anymore. When I was 22, I too found it awesome to spend every night of my life out at the college bars drinking until I puked. And it was awesome and I had a great time in my early twenties. At 32, I prefer a four star meal and some good wine. But it's still funny to watch the drunk girls throw it down. My favorite was the white girl who was about to go home with the African American dude until a moment of sober hit her and she suddenly realized that she was from Iowa and skulked away. You really could just sit on the street in Iowa City and watch these kids stumble around and be amused. Of course, you'd be forced to wonder about the future of America, but only until you remembered that you did that when you were their age, too.

Day 2: Davenport & the World's Largest Truck Stop
On day two, which is a Saturday, we drive to relaxing Davenport, IA to watch the Hawkeyes lose in embarassing fashion to Ohio State, excuse me, to THE Ohio State University. But there are cheese fries, so it's all good. After the game, G-Man's friends decide to give me a tour of the "Quad Cities," and we end up riverboat gambling, which is apparently what you do in the "Quad Cities." Let me sum up: old people, cheap drinks made from cheap liquor, slot machines. In short, I was in heaven. I even won $40 at the tables. Actually, I won almost $70, but then I lost $30 of it back. I know, quite while you're ahead or whatnot. I promptly used my $35 to buy us all expensive martinis at the trendy martini bar by the water. It was hopping by the water because Lifehouse was playing a show there that night.

That's right. Lifehouse.

LIFEHOUSE.

You and me and all other people. The Iowan faithful were standing in line singing it proudly. I kept hoping the show would start before we were done drinking our expensive martinis, but no luck. I did not hear the refrain I had so hoped for echoing over the great Mississippi. So sad.

On the way back from Davenport, we stopped at the World's Largest Truck Stop with is as incredible as you may believe. There is a dentist, showers, places to sleep, a movie theater, places to eat (obviously) and...shopping. Do you need a t-shirt with a fairy on it? You can select from a dozen varieties here. Perhaps a wolf or deer or other power animal on your t-shirt? Also options! Want to tell the world you support the NRA? Buy a shirt at the world's largest truck stop. But the best thing, the thing I wish I had bought, were the coveralls that some trucker somewhere would someday give to his small child. The coveralls were cammo print, and on them they said, "Daddy's Little Hunter." Oh yes. Oh yes.

That was a good day.

Day 3: Go Steelers
Day three is mellow. We take a bike ride which I struggle on because the bike is all kinds of upright and suspended and weird and it's freaking me out going down hills. And then we end up hanging out at Buffalo Wild Wings where we can simultaneously watch the Niners and the Steelers lose. But it's all good because it's so relaxing. Then a stop at the organic co-op, which is darling and a return home to watch Sunday night TV and enjoy G-Man's homemade pizza. If G-Man entered a pizza-making challenge, he would win. That is all. There is no discussion about that.

Day 3: Nature
On the last day, we enjoy nature. Actually, first we enjoy cheese fries, but forgive me that, because I'm paying for it in gym time now. In a local bar where the waitress probably has the nicest life. Then we went for a nature walk, in a beautiful nature reserve where G-Man had never been. Now, you might be saying "But he's been in Iowa almost seven years and he loves outdoor activity, how is it that he's never been there?" Yeah, he doesn't have an answer for you either. But the nature walk was lovely. And then I was going to just hang out until it was time to go. Except-again-I-had-to-work.

It was a great trip. I have a feeling by the next time I'm clear to take a trip to see G he won't be in Iowa any more, because he'll be somewhere being a professional 24 scholar...but you never know!

I cannot believe you didn't buy those overalls for my kid.
What happened to the tropical vacations you so love?
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