The Disappearance of Childhood
Bob Seger, "Have a Little Faith in Me"
Finish up putting stuff together for Hil.
Shopping Or, anything from my wish list.
What is wrong with me? Post Date: 10/04/04
Original Journal Date: 9/30/04 I'm warning you right now, I'm about to indulge in nostalgia. You can really thank G-Man of Playsure, who's been having a dialogue with me about this topic that's totally set me off. See the last totally bitchy entry where I mention how we were missing being college freshmen in a dining hall. Sigh. To be fair, I walk a fine line on nostalgia. For the most part, I'm not a pack rat. I don't save very note or card or present or memento, though I do save the important ones. I have no problem leaving many, many things from the past behind in -- you know -- the past. But I'm having a bout of nostalgia lately. Or, this week to be exact. This may be normal the year you turn thirty? I don't know. Anyway, yesterday, G-Man of Playsure writes:
Remember the smell of the dorm? The mix of mould and citrus cleaner? The sound of Dave Matthews, Pearl Jam and the Gin Blossoms? What about the mid afternoon right after class, when you have nothing to do until dinner? The leaves are falling, and you want to be outside. You can work out, you can nap, you can watch Oprah, get to the campus newspaper, find something to do, or just walk down the hall to find someone to talk to? It was the best. Maybe I can RA so I can do this again and again FOREVER.I mean, I would love to do that FOREVER, too. I loved college so much, made better by the fact that for two years I lived with Rox, who was the BEST ROOMMATE EVER WHO ISN'T A GAY MAN. And I do so miss those afternoons G is talking about. I miss when Matt and Jeff and I and our friends would sit in the dining hall for two hours and then go sit and watch movies for another two and then say, "Let's drive to Cincinnati for no reason." I miss opera with DCWP and coffee with K-Yo and going to the library with Rox, and I seriously miss the afternoons where Stina would say, "Let's go work out and then eat." I miss the night Niko was in the RA office with me and MPB came in and Niko went all bitchy on him and said, "We're having a conversation right now." I miss climbing up into bed every night while having a conversation with Rox about girls we hated, and I miss when spring would finally break and you'd think, "Pretty soon I can go study outside again." Being able to think that soon I could study outside soon made everything else seem perfect. I miss looking for excuses to take walks in the fall. I miss the fireplace in the student union and falling asleep on the couches there while trying to read Achebe for, like, the fiftieth time. I miss Trick. Period. I miss the weird echo in the hallway in Ballantine where all the English professors' offices were. I miss going out drinking on a Wednesday night because you didn't have class until noon the next day. I miss Ski, and I can't find him anywhere (Help! Andy Swierzbinski, where are you?). I miss watching movies in the theater with Scott and Matt and Jeff when they would prescreen them to test the reel the day before they actually opened. I miss the smell of copiers running non-stop in the library. I miss the weird zen-like state in the computer lab. I miss the total frustration of having to go out in the freezing cold snow to get to class because you couldn't miss your quiz. I miss the week of free time mixed with crammed studying before midterms and finals. I mis decorating your dorm room door. I miss never knowing which of your friends was going to be knocking on your door at midnight to come in and make tea and hang out. I miss bulletin boards. I really miss bulletin boards. I miss shopping for text books. Just for the record, I miss high school like this, too. But I'll spare you the list. No, I won't. I miss sitting in the front yard swing with Catwoman. I miss watching basketball. I watch going running with blondie. I miss cruising around in the Datsun with J-Flo and Tobi. I miss DP climbing my backyard tress. I miss summer house parties. I miss coming home late and scavenging for food. I miss sitting on the kitchen floor. I miss baking pies. Real pies with berried we picked ourselves. I miss football Fridays and being cold walking home from the game. I miss passing by my little brother in the hallway at school. I miss locker wars. I miss spirit week. I really miss spirit week. We should have adult spirit week at least once a year. I miss going to Denny's at five in the morning for breakfast before class, and I miss getting donuts at Kwik Fill when we didn't have time to do that. I miss library time. I miss PTA moms and Band Moms. I miss the mall. Not that I don't still go to the mall, but you know what I mean. I mean, for that matter, there are things about the recent past that I miss, like playing video games all day with Paul while eating nothing but rice all day because we're too lazy to do anything other than turn the rice maker on. I miss brunch with Halff and shamus. I miss my gym. It was a real gym with a nice sauna and unlimited towel service. I miss the AMC 1000 Van Ness. Yeah. And it's not like I hate my life. I have a pretty good life, I mean except for the parts that have not been good very recently, but I can look past those because they are all working themselves out. But you know, life now is not the same as saying in the middle of the day, "I'm going to get some coffee and curl up in a corner of the union and read and sleep and just be with the most important thing in front of me being a term paper that's not due for three weeks, so I can just enjoy the moment." Harder to get that now, no? Andy Swierbinski. I swear, I would pay $1000 to find you and your teddy bear. And Trick, you should email me. Seriously. And now I am done with my fit of nostalgia.