Being means: not numbering and counting, but ripening like a tree, which doesn?t force its sap, and stands confidently in the storms of spring, not afraid that afterward summer may not come. It does come. But it comes only to those who are patient, who are there as if eternity lay before them, so unconcernedly silent and vast. I learn it every day of my life, learn it with pain I am grateful for: patience is everything!
We are called to be fruitful - not successful, not productive, not accomplished. Success comes from strength, stress, and human effort. Fruitfulness comes from vulnerability and the admission of our own weakness. sometimes...i read lovely stuff. sometimes...not.
Chloe Does Yale
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If we do not bear the cross of the Master, we will have to bear the cross of the world, with all its earthly goods. Which cross have you taken up? Pause and consider. i would die without my iPod
Paul Brady - "Follow On "  
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There are many people who are sincere without being simple: they are ever afraid of being seen for what they are not; they are always musing over their words and thoughts and thinking about what they have done, in fear of having done or said too much. These people are sincere, but they are not simple: they are not at ease with others, and other people are not at ease with them. There is nothing easy about them, nothing free, spontaneous or natural. People who are imperfect, less regular, less masters of themselves, are more lovable. This is how people find them, and it is the same with God.

i am never satisfied
an answer to what you're asking

or anything from my wishlist

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A brother said to an old man, ?I do not know of any warfare in my heart.? The old man said to him, ?Then you are a building open on all four sides. Whatever wishes to, goes in and out, and you do not notice. If you had windows and a door, and shut them so as to bar certain thoughts, you would soon realize how many there are outside, waiting to slip in and attack you.?

i fear fat
It's Vancouver...felt like 5 miles, but who knows?

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I know that life is a doorway to eternity, and yet my heart so often gets lost in petty anxieties. It forgets the great way home that lies before it. Unprepared, given over to childish trivialities, it could be taken by surprise when the great hour comes and find that, for the sake of piffling pleasures, the one great joy has been missed. I am aware of this, but my heart is not. It seems unteach- navigate around, why don't you?
what i wrote yesterday
back to the homepage
everything ever. sort of.
sometimes...poetry
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Overlooking Vancouver
pondering, more indie film, shout outs, my six favorite songs
posted on: 6/16/05
original post date: 6/16/05

It's so beautiful right now. I'm in Vancouver for work, but I have this evening to myself in the most centering spot. My room is on the 25th floor looking over the grey of English Bay. I have Paul Brady on in the background, and he's making me feel all kinds of things. The sun is going down and so there are these very muted spots of yellow on the water. I have a glass of red wine, a travel candle, a puffy bed spread and my warmest pajamas. And I feel so calm. I'm not sure if it's all of this or just the fact that I'm alone for the first real time in months.

There are mountains. The young kind. They have snow on top, and you can see them from anywhere. They make me wish I were being birthed right up into the sky like that.

And just so nobody gets confused about what country I'm visiting, there are shopping bags from Roots and Lush on the table.

People shouldn't enjoy work trips this much. Seriously.

More Indie Film - Buy It Now (Virginity for Sale)
I'll be mighty surprised if this isn't the best thing I end up seeing at CineVegas (I'll sneak in a few closing movies when I get back this weekend). This film is essentially two shorts that tell the same story -- the story of a sixteen-year-old girl who sells her virginity on eBay. In the first half, the story is told as a documentary with the girl using a mini-cam to film the events leading up to her selling and losing her virginity. In this version, you get tons of background on the girl, what makes her tick, her neglectful parents, her mental issues (she's a cutter) and how she and her friends think and talk as typical sixteen year olds. You don't see much of the actual virginity loss since it's taped as though the camera is hidden from the "buyer." This half of the two shorts, while critical to putting the whole story together, isn't as amazing as the second half because this actress is far better at scripted work than improv. The second half of the film tells the same story but this time in narrative fashion with three scenes -- a beginning scene with the girl and her best friend in her room, a second scene where the girl loses her virginity, and a follow up scene where it's subtely depicted how messed up she is from the event. The second half is beautiful, moving, disturbing, lushly shot, captivating, amazingly well written and acted, gut dropping. It wouldn't be all of that without the first half, but it is all that. The audience couldn't take their eyes off of the screen, even during the indescribably uncomfortable sex scene. I, personally, probably won't be right for months.

RJB made the most interesting point after the film. He pointed out that one of the reasons the film was so effective was that the two different shorts were mentally manipulative in different ways. The first short forced you to think of the girl as a victim, and it made you feel righteous and powerful when you said, or at least thought, "That poor girl. What awful ways people treated her. I wish that I could save her." The second short, the narrative, didn't have any of that element and it was far more sexual. It made you into a voyeur. And afterwards you did not feel righteous and powerful. You felt ... dirty. A lot of the power of the experience of this film was wrapped up in that hundred and eighty degree shift mentally.

That RJB. He's pretty darn smart.

Shout Outs
Candy finally went and got herself a blog to write on, which is good since that woman should write more, not only because I like to read her stuff but also because it's good for her. Pittsburgh single men, she is a catch.

Ferris went and got himself mentioned in US News and World Report. Said he, "For not having a PR agent, I'm doing pretty damn well." Said I, "Quality service is its own PR agent." And then there was silence as we revelled in my cliche.

My friend Shank's "life associate" (cause that's what the kids call it these days) is the camera person on this. Apparently she froze her ass off shooting the first episode, so watch so she didn't suffer for nothing.

Playing Out
K-Rock is having us list our favorite six songs RIGHT NOW. You should email me yours, if they're good. Cause I always need new music. But because I'm a good sport, mine are:

  • Paul Brady, Follow On
  • Waterboys, Sweet Thing (I've been on a revival kick lately)
  • Will Smith, Flip it Over
  • Jude, Goodbye, I'm an Asshole
  • Paul Brady, Nothing but the Same Old Story
  • Alicia Keys, Karma

And that, my friends, is all.

Are we never going to talk about Michael Jackson getting off?
Film festival what? Batman is out!!!