Bitches, I'm ORDAINED

Sometimes, my friends do things, and I'm all like, "Um, have you MET me?"

An example, you say? Shortly after her wonderful vacation to the eastern shores of the U.S., in which she got delightfully engaged, Princess D called to ask me to be in her wedding.

As I saw where the phone call was heading, I immediately begin to cycle the following questions in my head "Whatever will the dress look like?" Which is when the shocker came, and rather than ask me to bridesmaid (which I would have been delighted to do, lots of photos with Princess D and K-Yo), Princess D asks me to officiate her wedding.

"You mean, like, officiate?" I said.

"Yes," she said. "You really have two options. You can get a temporary license in California, which requires some planning and you'd have to get here a couple of days earlier. Or you can go and get ordained somewhere."

And so, ladies and gentlemen, from here on in, please refer to me as Reverend Jocelyn Saurini.



I'm here, to meet your spiritual needs on a daily basis. Ceremonies can be arranged. I'm not joking. This is legal in all 50 states. Getting married? Christening a baby? I'm here! General spiritual guidance? I may ask you, "Have you MET me?", but I'm legally qualified to give it to you.

I'm sure Princess D is wondering what words of wisdom I'll be poetically preaching in September. I was leaning towards some Rumi, obviously. But then there was another passage I read by a South American author that I though I would build around. But then HWP (formerly Mrs. DCWP, but I decided she needed her own space) sent me the loveliest book, which may change that.

Prayer service commences this Sunday about an hour before the Ravens and Steelers kick off.