Moving on to Little Miss Sunshine

I will say this for RJ, even though on Friday night I was like "LET'S GO SEE THAT CRAP TALLADEGA NIGHTS AGAIN!!!!", he convinced me to go see Little Miss Sunshine, and I think it's going to be my favorite film of the year except for, obviously, Gubra.

So, to begin with, if you can't make one of the finest films of the year with a cast that includes Greg Kinnear, Alan Arkin, Toni Collette, and Steve Carell, you should be thrown from the bus. But these folks signed on because the script is brilliant. BRILLIANT.

If you've missed it, Little Miss Sunshine is the story of a completely dysfunctional family on a road trip in their VW bus so that their young, somewhat dorky daughter can compete in the Little Miss Sunshine beauty pageant. The family consists of:

The daughter, Olive, who is a pudgy, dorky little girl with a big heart.

The son, Dwaye (played by the inappropriately luscious Paul Dano - I feel dirty just saying that), who has taken a Nietzsche-inspired vow of silence as he works towards his goal of becoming an air force pilot. He hates everybody.

Alan Arkin as the crazy grandpa who snorts heroine and reads porn.

Greg Kinnear as the "winner"-obsessed father who writes self-help books and really, seriously does not tolerate non-winner attitudes.

Steve Carell as the uncle who just tried to commit suicide because his young grad student gay lover left him for the second most famous Pruest scholar in the world.

Toni Collette as the frazzled mother trying to keep everything together.

And really, that's my review of the film, because once you know that that's the setup, it's all you should need to know to see how brilliant the film is. I will say this, there are SO MANY brilliant scenes in this film. The best one, I think, is the ten minute scene at the beginning where the family is having dinner together, and it's just a set shot of them at the table and this outstandingly written and outstandingly acted dialogue.

And there's really no compromise in this film. Nobody's scared to make you uncomfortable, both overtly and in the fact that you're uncomfortable that you find some of this stuff funny.

There's also another scene I love where the father is trying to convince the young daughter that she shouldn't eat ice cream because it will make her fat. The little girl struggles with it for a while because she wants to be pretty and perfect, but then she says "fuck it" (not literally) and eats the ice cream. It's wonderfully done.

And the last 10 minutes are...well...unreal.


See it. I can't wait to see it a second time and get it on dvd. Seriously.

 

For Real This Time: Sonatine

I just want to say that I know that I've been a bad blogger, what with my promises of film and literature reviews and a special guest entry. NFL is starting, my people, and that makes work crazy. And also, I know, I'm still working on figuring out how to turn the party off. My best laid plans for a quiet weekend were zapped with a late-night movie on Friday, the Killers show on Saturday, three separate instances of late night drunk dialing interrupting my sleep patter, and PM in town on Sunday. I could pretend that this is the week that I turn the party off, but the LA Girls are in town all weekend, so I'd just be lying to you. It'll come.

But let's finally talk about Sonatine! This also was a Christmas gift from G-Man of Playsure last season. Firstly, I will say that I actually rewatched it this weekend because, as I started to write about it, I was unclear that I'd actually followed the storyline the first time I saw it. You know what? I'm pretty sure I also did not follow the storyline the second time I watched it, but I'm not all so sure that's what's important here. As best as I can tell via translation and lots of nonsequiters (sp?), it's the tale of an aging bad boy gangster involved in a Japanese clan gang feud and his eventual path to "retirement," which I think that I can say without giving anything away.

The things that I loved:

1. Obviously, there are always visual whore things that I love. In this case, there were three specific visual whore things that I loved:

- There are a bundle of shots done that play with light in some of the most lovely ways. There are a lot of nighttime shots, one of which creates beautiful patterns with headlights and one of which creates amazing visual with roman candles. There's also a two or so minute sequence of beautiful film shots of the protagonist's face in an elevator, and everytime the elevator door opens the light changes in the shot, and it's really beautiful to watch.

- There are some amazing things done with contrasting bright colors against otherwise muted backgrounds: bright dresses, bright shirts, bright pink bags of guns, bright frisbees, bright cars. Lots of crazy technicolor against a film that operates largely in beige.

- There's also the most amazing shot that happens near the end where the gangster's mistress, this tiny little Japanese woman in a bright flowered dress, takes his automatic weapon and just shoots it into the air while he stands here. I'm sure describing it doesn't capture it. It's worth seeing.

- And there's a final amazing shot where three gangsters are bloodily gunned down in front of the most vibrant purple flower bush ever.

2. Also to love about this film are some of the sequences that blur between fantasy and reality: like the dance sequences and the wrestling sequences. When you see the movie, you'll see what I mean. They're particularly effective because the whole "gangsters in seclusion by the ocean" thing is somewhat fantasy and somewhat reality.

Okay, but here's the problem, and the choice you will need to make before you decide to watch Sonatine or not. We all know that Quentin Tarantino is, to put it mildly, "derivative." Once you see Sonatine, where a lot of the elements Tarantino "derives" into his art are done so much better, you will have a hard time with films that we all love, like Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown and Resevoir Dogs. Here's a list of things you'll have a hard time enjoying in Tarantino world ever again because Takeshi Kintano does them better:

- Aging buddy gangsters contemplating leaving "the business"
- Funny, non-gangster bonding and interaction between the members of a gangster gang
- Strange visuals being used in conjunction with hard core violent visuals (think automatic weapons in a girl's pink bag)
- The deeper spirituality of a gangster explored

So, I mean, make your choice. It'll change your ability to enjoy some of those things in Tarantino world, but it may be worth it.

 

You Never Call Me When You're Sober

TWO FUCKING AM IN THE MORNING PEOPLE.

This is the new M.O. If you wake me up in the middle of the night because you're drunk dialing me, I'm going to stay up afterwards and transcribe that shit so you can read it and be embarassed by it the next day. Except in this case, I know you won't actually read it. But whatever. This is the third night in four days my fragile sleep got killed by some silly boy drunk dialing me. I get that that's a hazard of my new found single status, but, look, really.

Him
I'm in New York. I'm driving home! I just left the club. My car was parked right in front of the club. I love you! I wish I was fucking you right now! There were like 500 cops right in front of the club and I'd had like 50 red bull and vodkas and if I were there right now would you have sex with me? Do you remember the day before I left when you stopped by in the morning to pick up your laundry basket? If I weren't so stupid we would have had sex right then. What are you doing right now? Are you in bed? You sound sleepy?

Me
Baby, it's 1:30 in the morning on a Thursday. Of course I'm sleeping. Are you driving drunk? Don't try to talk to me on the phone if you're driving drunk.

Him
There's DEA all over here. I'm in some coccaine ass Puerto Rican neighborhood. I'm coming out to Vegas next week to see you except that you said you had plans for Labor Day weekend. Stay in Vegas Labor Day weekend. My mom has an AK 47 under the kitchen table and she told me that if I was going to do drugs I should just do them there and she'd get rid of any cops. My mom is so cool. She wants me to marry you. I want to get you pregnant. Am I bad in bed? Is that why I never got you pregnant?

Me
Yeah, baby, I can't think of a better idea than you getting me pregnant. That's hot. That would be awesome. My baby's daddy gets hammered and drives while he drunk dials. Come on now.

Him
You think I'm terrible in bed. I'm so stupid. I should totally have had sex with you that morning when you came to pick up that basket. You're so hot. Hey, MF called me and he was all like 'What are you doing with Jocelyn?" and I was like "She's so great. I really love her. I'm going to marry her." My mom's got turkey and mashed potatoes at home for me. I'm so drunk. Do you want to go see Celine Dion with me next Saturday? We could go see Celine....
Every night in my dreams
I touch you. I feel you.
That is how I know you go on.
Near, far...
Wherever you are...
I believe that your heart will go.
Ooooonnn

Me
My God. Did you just know all the words to "My Heart Will Go On?"

Him
No, wait, let me start again.

Me
You want to sing that again?

Him
Yeah, from the beginning. Here we go.
Every night in my dreams
I touch you. I feel you.
That is how I know you go on.
Near, far...
Wherever you are...
I believe that your heart will go.
Ooooonnn

Me
That was really special.

Him
Are you in bed right now? Are you naked? Can I sing that again, from the beginning? I'll sing it really good this time.
Every night in my dreams
I touch you. I feel you.
That is how I know you go on.
Near, far...
Wherever you are...
I believe that your heart will go.
Ooooonnn

Me
You can sing right along at the Celine show on Saturday. I think I'll go out with my girls that night.

Him
Was I good? Did I sing good?

Me
Yes, baby, you sang great. Hey, do you think maybe you should hang up the phone and drive, you know, since you're loaded?

Him
There's DEA EVERYWHERE!!!! If all of my friends weren't dead from drugs, this town would be rocking. Will you have sex with me next weekend? Please. You're so hot.

Me
I'll do whatever you want, as long as you hang up the freakin' phone. Can you call me tomorrow when you're sober?

Him
I've been doing really good except for tonight. I'm totally going to get followed home by a cop and then my mom's going to go crazy with this AK 47 she keeps under the kitchen table and then I'm going to eat turkey. I love you. I really want to get you pregnant. Can I get you pregnant? If I got you pregnant, we could get married. Would you marry me if you were pregnant? We could take the little kids to sports arenas every day.

Me
I'm going to hang up now, okay?

Him
NEAR, FAR...
WHEREEVER YOU AAAAAAREEEEEEE

Me
Night, cuteness. Try to drive safely.

Click.

I so hope you read this so you know what you sounded like. Listen, I've woken people up in the throws of drunk dialing before too, but I NEVER MADE THEM LISTEN TO ME SINGING CELINE DION FOR HALF AN HOUR. Jesus.

YOU NEVER CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE SOBER. And I get it, because I know you don't have it in you to take responsibilty for the types of conversations you owe me if you were to call me sober. But please remember that the next time you nastily say to me "When YOU left ME" or "Since YOU left me" or "No, YOU'RE right, I'm not ready for a relationship," that none of that is true and it was never about my not wanting to be with you. It was about the fact that the idea of being responsible for somebody's feelings other than your own is so far beyond you. So please stop asking me to clean up for you. Or clean you up. Or whatever you want me to give you without you having to give me anything in return. We're not doing that. Again.

 

Let's Discuss The Blind Swordsman

I warn you now, by the way, this week ILovePaulJack.com will be primarily a book and film blog with (hopefully) an awesome guest entry at the end of the week as pay off for my psuedo intellectualism. Work with it.

So, for Christmas, G-Man of Playsure sent me a double feature dvd disk of Takeshi Kitano's The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi and Sonatine. And I watched them kind of during that whole Super Bowl/March Mandess period when, you know, not so much with the journal writing or emailing. So, having not provided any previous feedback on the movies, G-Man validly asks, "So, what specifically did you like about the films." And I figured that since I like to keep my entire archive of what I think about things here at ILovePaulJack.com, I should just put that here. So, today, let's briefly discuss The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi.

Japanese, to answer your question, is what this film is. And basically, it's the story of people on a quest and a town overrun by gang bandits and how pretty much everybody, through a series of meetings, ends their quests - sometimes well, sometimes sadly.

There are things to love about this film. Let's go through them!

1. As a visual whore, I love, love, love the careful arrangements of geographic patterns in many of the more set art shots. Really beautifully done, and much more than just an outcropping of the fact that much of the architecture and art of the region seems to have geometric qualities. Lots of lovely square compositions going on in the frames.

2. As a audio whore, I loved all the rythem clips that happen throughout the film. And (without giving too much away), there's a kind of off beat dance sequence at the end that's then offset with a cut to somber moment that's the polar opposite of dance celebration - and the dance scene is awesome. I was, however, unaware that the Japanese had a rich tradition of clogging. CLOGGING.

3. For anybody who's seen the film, there's obviously a lot about the nature of that sibling relationship that's portrayed in the film that's entirely relatable to me.

4. And, of course, it's fascinating to watch how everything comes together to end the journeys all of these characters are on.

5. I struggle with it a little, but the offsetting of massive violence with really beautiful, emotionally intimate scenes, like between the siblings or the Samuri and his wife, is always powerful.

6. The ending twist is great. Didn't see that coming. Whole message of the film made more sense then.

Of course, there are some things not to love unless you're a lover of the genre in general. Like, I hate the cuts to campy comedy. I find them jarring and unneccessary in a two hour film, though, you know, maybe that's cultural. Also, the film is two hours long. And also, because I am a lover of the love story, I might have liked more time with the Samuri and his wife.

But I did adore the film, I did! And tomorrow, Sonatine!

 

A Movie and a Book

So this is a while in coming, but finally I mention this. So I saw Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. I don't know what you all are talking about when you say you didn't think it was all that funny. Maybe you don't hang around enough NASCAR fans or go to enough races, cause if you did you'd see how accurately funny that shit is. I laughed my ass off. That whole scene where the family is saying grace? Hysterical. The scene with the knife in the leg? I practically peed myself. What's WRONG with you people? Elitists.

Also, while in Hawaii, I read the first of the Dark Angel fan fiction books, Before the Dawn. I'm not going to apologize for enjoying it. We all have our things. And you know what? Someday they will publish Zelda fan fiction, and I'll read it. There's nothing super literary and redeeming about it, but it's true to the series and I enjoyed EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF IT.

 

Hawaii: Mahalo

You know, I realized that I forgot to publish the Saturday entry from Hawaii, so I just batch published them all right now. You can read them in order!

This is How We Roll: Thursday
Put Some Alcohol In that Please: Friday
It Got Real Deep in There, Real Fast: Saturday
It's a Thousand Pounds of Manta: Sunday
Vote on the Christmas Photo!
Think Less, Swim More

 

Think Less, Swim More

Hawaii: Mahalo

Pookie and I have to be at the airport at 7:00am for my 8:20am flight, so we leave the Fairmont at 5:00am while it's still dark out to drive back across the island. This may sound less than desirable to you, but to Pookie and I it's largely a dream come true. We leave while it's still dark with hot cups of good island coffee in the car and local Hawaiian music on the radio. While we're driving, the sun comes up over the ocean and cool air coming in through the back windows heats up. Pookie tells me what he learned in Hawaii in this story.

"When I gashed my knee out on the coral, it was because I was busy fighting with the snorkeling equipment, and then when I stopped fighting with the equipment and just swam, I was fine. But the damage was already done because I was fighting the equipment, so what I want to take home is think less, swim more."

Say it, little brother. The key is carrying that after you leave Hawaii. I've never been in Hawaii and not come home wanting to figure out a way to live there. I'd have to slow my life down a lot to do that. I said that to RacerBoy when we were talking about it and he said, "I'm ready. Let's to that tomorrow." And I smiled and said, "I haven't figured out how people like you and I would do that. We move at hyperspeed. That island doesn't. I'm afraid that the idea that I could slow down that much is a fantasy." And he said, "I think you're probably right - for now."

But Mahalo, Hawaii, for being my turnaround point. And Mahalo Pookie for thinking it through enough to teach me to remember to think less and swim more. And thank you shamus for being the reason we did this, and for floating in the ocean with me on Sunday morning. And thank you Halff for making it all happen and for finding your balance so quickly. And thank you Mark for the super deal on the sweatshirt, and David for the extra booze, and the waitresses at the Polo Lounge for being adorable, and the Fairmont concierge for rocking it out service style.

I leave you with my favorite pictures from the trip. Enjoy.


Black Sand Beach from the top of the cliff.


All four of us at Black Sand Beach.


The ocean is endless.


Four pictures of sunsets - the most blazing sunsets ever.

 

Pookie & Jocelyn Need Your Vote

Hawaii: Misc

So, right, below are 6 options for photos Pookie and I are a)considering using for our annual Christmas letter (and you should email me if you're not on that mailing list) and/or b) framing for our mother. Please email and advise me which of them you like best. We're at a loss.

Option A: At the Fairmont, Picture 1


Option B: At the Fairmont, Picture 2


Option C: At Spencer, Lots of Ocean and Sky


Option D: At Spencer, Shakka


Option E: At Spencer, Post-Swim


Option F: At Spencer, In the Water


So tell me, which one should we use?

 

It's 1000 Pounds of Manta

Hawaii: Sunday

There aren't very many, if any, pictures of Sunday because most of what we did wasn't photo friendly, so you will have to enjoy the stories alone. Like old school, before the digital cameras.

The day starts for me at 7:00am with some relaxation in the sauna at the Spa Without Walls. Then, at 8:00am, I start a two hour massage journey in said spa. Let me explain further. I am taken to a private wicker hut with wide open windows. In through the windows, the early morning sunlight and ocean breeze creep in. Below my massage table, there is glass in the fllor so that I can watch the running waterfall water trickling down to the ocean. Dahn, my masseuse, was actually trained in India and is amazing. For two hours, he rubs down every part of my body, including twenty straight minutes on my feet. AND he gives me a facial with the lovely and amazingly scented Tara products. I walk out of there feeling like a person totally separate from the person I walked in as. And it's only 10:00am. I kid you not - when Dahn did pressure point therapy on my face, I actually left my body for a while. I suggest you do this at any price if you're in the area. The boys may disagree, but they did not have Dahn. Though they did seem to love their massages (though Pookie was battling a ripped up knee and shamus a bad sunburn during the massage, which may have impacted their opinion).

Then after I get out of the spa but before the boys get into the spa, shamus and I go swimming in the ocean. Just him and me and the ocean. And it was a big day for him, because he's not so much of a swimmer, but he did an awesome job. After shamus went up to shower, I swam out past the end of the lagoon into the main ocean and let the waves carry me along for a long time.

We all met up for kobe burgers and tropical drinks for lunch and talked about the future and the Polynesian people and migration and colonization. And lunch, of course, was also by the ocean. Because that is how you do it in Hawaii.

When the boys headed off to spa, I spent the afternoon back in the ocean and on the beach. Still somewhat out of my own body. I crave that feeling back already.

So, that night, we had planned to go night snorkeling and swim with the manta rays. Here's the only bummer of the day. When he was snorkeling in the morning, Pookie opened up a big gash on his knee and he was in major pain, so he had to bail on the manta ray snorkeling. So sad. Halff, shamus and I considered not going so we could stay with him, but we ended up going. And that was the right call.

Things seem a little sketchy at first. The boat crew is cool, and the sunset going down as we take the boat ride out is brilliant, but when we get there, there are A LOT of people. In the end, that doesn't matter.

So, yes. Firstly, don't make the same mistake I did. I confused a stingray, which is about 40 pounts and three feet wide, with a manta ray. A manta ray is 1000 pounds and ten feet across by maybe five feet tall. Here's how this works. Manta rays feed on plankton. Plankton feeds wherever it sees light. So the boats go to the zone where the manta rays live (there are something like 70 or 80 of them on the Hawaii coast - all photographed and named) and drop lights down to the bottom of the ocean floor. Then, after the sun goes down, the snorkelers hit the water, all with lights in hand to attract more plankton. As an added bonus, there was a guy shooting underwater video, and his lights were super bright and attracted a ton of plankton. The thousand pound manta rays go to the plankton, and they feed on it by doing giant backflips in the water. When they do these backflips, they do them right under you and as they reach the top of their flip they're literally not more than an inch, if that, from you. The first time a thousand pound sea creature comes an inch from you, you freak out a little bit. But then you really look at them, and you see how beautiful they are. They're like dancers in the water doing these huge, circular backflips below you, sometimes deep down and sometimes right beside you.

At first, the sheer number of people out there snorkeling in the pitch black is disconcerting. You're getting kicked in the head and elbowed a lot. And people have kids out there, which I think should be a no-no because the kids tend to freak out AND it makes it hard for the adults to control their bodies in the water because they're handling their kids, too. But the good news is that it's dark, and the water is choppy, and so most people don't last out there more than fifteen or twenty minutes. So if you can just wait it out and handle the choppy water and the dark for a while, you can get to a point where there aren't that many people out there, and that's when you can absolutely appreciate the thousand pound manta rays. There were either two or three of them in the water with us (nobody is totally sure). They just backflip and feed and I've never been that graceful in my life, and I have 13 years of dance training. It sounds corny, but there's something lifechanging about being that close to something that powerful in the middle of its most basic act - feeding - and it's more beautiful and so many of the things you've seen in your life.

Have you burned out on my talking about Hawaii being beautiful and pefect yet?

And this is how the trip ends. We order room service and eat dinner on the balcony in mine and Pookie's room. Ocean night. Just the four of us. Laughing about how shamus needed to stand by his action from earlier, how Pookie is baffled by the workings of a resort, how I look totally fat in this one picture shamus took, how Halff refuses to let me say I'm fat. It seems inconsequential, but I wouldn't have ended this any other way. Mahaho, Hawaii.

I'm tearing writing this, and really, there are two entries left!

 

It Got Real Deep in There, Real Fast.

Hawaii: Saturday

It's like every day on this trip gets progressively better, at least for me. On Saturday, I'm on the beach at the crack of dawn again. We skip breakfast at the resort to just grab something on the road. Something on the road changes when we change our mind about what we want to do that day based on the new knowledge that if we want to attend the luau by 5:00pm, so a return volcano trip is out. Instead, we decide to do the black sand beach, but we do a lot of things BEFORE the black sand beach that are equally awesome.

We start with lunch at Daniel Thiebaut, which for many people (though not me) is fantastic. What is fantastic for me is two things. Firstly, the atmosphere is amazingly adorable and fresh and open and fantastic. Secondly, the house specialty drink is a lemon drop that's so, so, so, so good. And so we drink to shamus' birthday. And then there is singing for the birthday. It's all happy times.




After lunch, we head toward the Black Sand Beach, which is, needless to say, a beach where the sand is black from volcanic activity. But before we head there, we stop at Spencer Beach. We've heard rumor that this is one of the most beautiful beaches in the world, and you know what? The rumors are true. It's almost unreal that somewhere this perfect exists on earth. How does anybody not spend their whole life here? shamus tests the water. Pookie and I head on in. And by head on in, I mean Pookie in his underwear and I in my shorts and bikini top because when we left that morning, we were headed to the volcano so we didn't bring bathing suits. Of course, we didn't bring bathing suits after having just said, "What we've already learned is never go anywhere in Hawaii without your bathing suit." Didn't matter. It was heaven at Spencer Beach anyway.





Reluctantly, because it was so perfect there, we headed out to Black Sand Beach. Firstly, we stopped at a shaved ice shack to pick up some ... supplies (full story details are available if you want, just shoot me some email). But while we were in there, as shamus said, "Things got real deep, real fast," and the first of our many Hawaiian lessons are learned. The woman in the ics shack asks where I'm from, and I say Vegas. She asks me how I like it, and I say, "It's okay, but you can't stay there very long. You'll become what that city wants for you to become." And she says, "That's not where you are, that's who you are. You can't run from those things. You just have to be selective about who you surround yourself with." And shamus looks at me and says, "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I SAID TO YOU!!!!" And I say, "But it doesn't mean as much when you say it!" And it's all deep in the ice shack.

So we head from there to the Black Sand Beach.

I'm not sure what to say about Black Sand Beach except AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL. I'm just going to post the pictures and let that be enough.



















There's also a most excellent story from this day. So, reluctantly, we realized we had to hike back up from the beach and head back to the resort. Firstly, let's just say that on this hot ass, long uphill hike, it starts raining. At first, like usual, I'm all like "Rain, gross." But then it feel so nice and so lovely and how else would I ever want to hike back up from a beach in Hawaii? Anyway, when we get to the top, even though Pook made it long before I did, he's tailing behind me when we're at the top because he's doubled back for a while. I walk by some, as Pookie described them, "red-headed Christian family." I'm still wearing this TOTALLY COMFORTABLE ensemble of bikini top, shorts and Uggs. Anyway, as Pookie walks by said red-headed Christian family, he hears this from the mother, who grabs her daughter and pulls her over:

"Look, look, I just want to show you before it's too late! Bikini top and boots!"

Pook's tempted to turn around and expand on the comment for her, but he's too amused, because unless you LOVE LA rockstar chic as your hiking look, your not going to love that look. I'm cool with it. We took a picture of the boots to commemorate.



So then, back to the resort, quick changes and showers and off to the luau. So fun. Firstly, there is the pre-luau drinking, when once again I say to the waiter, "Can you have him put some extra alcohol in my mai tai?" We also love our waiter, David. I really loved him until I inappropriately said while he was standing by us during a coconut shucking demonstration, "I totally know how to shuck a coconut, I just don't think it's the type or method they're talking about. Ha ha." Then I realized he'd heard that and I was too embarassed to really love him any more. We have a good time. It's stunningly beautiful outside that night, but you're probably tired of my saying that about Hawaii.

The luau show is The Gathering of Kings, and if you've ever been to a luau then you know this is a classy joint as far as luaus for tourists go. If you love dancing, and I LOVE dancing, then you'll love this show. It's a tad long, but pretty stunning in the dance department.

I'm also going to say as a teaser, that the most amazing photo ever was taken at this luau of the four of us. However, I have no access to that at the moment, so you will have to wait.

The highlight of the show was the fire dancer. I can't even describe. He was so unreal I just sat there stunned, unable to speak. I've seen fire dancers before, but he was truely a special thing. And because we were rolling like Halffs, we had priority upgraded seating and he was all of two feet in front of us.



Anyway, the night ends with more Trivial Pursuit, which was still nice and fun though it was louder and more crowded in the bar and maybe you shouldn't try to catch lightening in the bottle twice. But it doesn't even matter because it was still lovely and Sunday is one of the 50 best days I've ever had in my life. Stay tuned!

 

Put Some Alcohol In That Please!

Hawaii: Friday

I'm not sure what the boys are doing, but I'm at the beach by 7:00am. And it's the most perfect, perfect, perfect thing EVER. It's quiet, nobody is there but me, the ocean and some joggers. I have a book, I have quiet thoughts, and I have all of these views:







Around 10:30am, Pookie and shamus joined me at the beach and, eventually, we headed over to breakfast. Breakfast BY THE OCEAN.



Ah, breakfast. Pookie and shamus opt for the breakfast buffet. Yum.



But Halff and I aren't playing around. So not playing around that we get the banana macadamia waffles. We won the breakfast issue.



And this is how breakfast on DAY ONE ends. I order my second bloody mary. When I place the order for the second bloody mary with the waitress, I actually say "Can you ask the bartender to put just a splash of extra vodka in it?" And she does. And it's so much better than before. Yep. Welcome to DAY ONE.



After breakfast, there is down time. We start by visiting the koi. See! A FANTASTIC picture of Halff and the koi:



Then, back to the room. That's right. We came to Hawaii, and Pookie and shamus surfed Myspace from the room. But good times here had by all.








Then, it's off on Friday's road trip to the City of Refuge. Enjoy pictures of Pookie and I in the SUV!





We stop at the grocery store. Pookie makes friends with the clerk. Larry buys some ill-advised canned capucino. I'm not sure what he was thinking, but suffice it to say, it did not sit well.





Enjoy some pictures now of our road trip to the City of Refuge.









And now, my new favorite picture of me and shamus. Now, you will immediately say, "Jocelyn, what the HELL is that outfit? Is that a camo skirt over a bathing suit with a tank top, uggs and a lai in your hair? WHAT THE HELL?" To which, I will simply say, "Fool, it's Hawaii. You should be more concerned with that silly matchy-matchy shirt and hat shamus is wearing." But I know how you are. You're way more focused on my silly outfit.



After getting back from the City of Refuge, there is pool time, and hot tub time, and sunset time and drinks at the bar time! See us at the bar!





Then, the most amazing thing happens for the rest of the night. Pookie, shamus and I head to the Polo Bar and order some more cocktails. Then, we notice that there are board games in the Polo Bar, so we bust out some Trivial Pursuit. It's genius edition! And it's quiet and not so loud (except for us) in there, and we play until midnight, and it's so FREAKIN' FUN! It sounds silly, but there's Trivial Pursuit and we're answering every question we don't know with the answer Giz McFace and laughing and it's all good. Better because I WIN! Even if I won because we couldn't remember the rules.



And then it is shamus' birthday! He's 30! We're so happy. It's such a perfect day!

 

This is How We Roll

Hawaii: Thursday

Hawaii for shamus' 30th birthday actually starts on Thursday, but I miss that day. I was always going to miss most of that day because I couldn't leave Vegas until the afternoon, but I missed even more of that day because the day I left was also the day that every airport in America when into hyper security mode because of terrorist plots. It took me two hours just to get to a security check point. But you know what? Once I was at the security checkpoint, I walked onto the plan with all kinds of liquids because apparently the high security alert was to just ASK me if I had liquids on me and then let me walk on by if I said "No." I mean, for real.

Apparently, what I miss while I'm on the plane, and on the plane, and in the security checkline, and at the customer service desk, and in the security checkline...is the volcano. I think I got the raw end of that deal because Pookie wasn't shy about telling us how freakin' AWESOME the volcano was. There are no real pictures of the volcano, because it was dark. But there is this somewhat kick ass picture of Pookie at the volcano.



What I do get is this beautiful drive across the Big Island in the SUV with shamus and Pookie, listening to party music and leaving the windows down for ocean air. When we get to the hotel, this hotel, which is how we roll, Halff is still down with a migrane. So we go to the room. OhmyGod the room. The room has huge windows that open up over greens with rolling oceans. Pookie and I slept with those doors open every night and woke up to warm breezes and the early warm rays of sunlight. Here's the view we looked at every day.







When you roll with Halff, no luxury is overlooked. Waiting for us in our room when we checked in was a tray of fresh pineapple AND coconut chocolate covered strawberries. Because THIS is how we roll.



One other thing of note here is that our side of the island is the charred side. When I first heard this, I was a little like, "Um, not so pretty." But when you see it, it's really kind of shockingly lovely. Take a look.




People will actually take white stones out to the char areas to write environmentally friendly graffiti messages.

Pookie is exhausted, as he should be because his trip was even longer than mine and he did the volcano trip that day. He falls asleep even while I'm talking to him. And it's a perfect night: Ocean breeze, shamus hugs, a long drive in the dark, Evan Dando playing in the background, fresh flowers and fruit, and my little brother asleep and in Hawaii with two of our best friends. If I hadn't lived the trip and didn't already know it got better, I wouldn't know it got better. But it does.

 

Super Quickly

There will be photos and stories later, but...

I'm in Hawaii with my little brother and two of our best friends. We haven't stopped laughing for even a minute, except for last night when we took a drive across the island in pitch dark while listening to a party cd.

My happiness right now is bigger twice as big as the big island, and the big island is bigger than mt. everest from floor to base. That's how I feel.

Much love to the world. This is what it should be all the time.

 

Slowing It Down

The strange thing is how I've been really actively working to slow my life down in the last month, but it seems like that can't happen. I probably picked a bad time to try to slow things down. You know, because there was WSOP week (and we saw how not-slow that was), and then pre-season football started on Sunday (and that's possibly the roughest week of work of the year for us), and then there are two weeks with RacerBoy while he's in town, and then Hawaii is this Thursday. So there's really no slowing down, and it was probably retarded that I even tried to slow it down during all of this. But the idea of slowing things down is appealing to me. I mean, I'm sure I'd be over that idea in about two weeks flat, but I feel, you know, like things are a little to high speed right now. I barely have time feed my cats these days. That's just ridiculous.

The other night at some cheesy bar, RacerBoy looks at me, totally sincere, and says, "I just want to marry you. I just want to mow your lawn for you and fix your car engine for you and buy you presents on holidays." And I think it's probably the single most beautiful, uncomplicated thing anybody's ever said to me, even though the list of reasons why that will never happen is longer than ... well, it's long. But it makes me want to be less complicated. Or crazy. Whichever way you want to say that.

Friday, ToniKay decided I was going to explode if I had to stay in the office even one more minute, so she made me leave at noon and spend the afternoon sunning at the Bellagio pool. I love her for taking such good care of me. Anyway, we laying there in one of the most perfect man-made places in the world, and I'm telling her the RacerBoy story and how the fact that he said that makes me want to see if I couldn't find a way to make it work even though I can't imagine how that would go down. And she said, "I think the real reason you're having so much attraction to him right now is because he's leaving again in another week, which isn't uncomplicated, just so you know." And I'm sure she's right. Maybe my effort to slow down and simplify should just involve spending lots of time alone. Or something.

Who knows.

 

Quote of the Night

Me to Jimmy: "Do you have a drinking problem?"

Jimmy to Me: "I don't want to have a drinking problem."

Me: "Sigh."